Stop Crying Your Heart Out
by ImperVerd
Summary: Blaine and Kurt part ways, not so amicably, and Sam is there to pick up the pieces. Is Sam willing to connect with the part of himself he never knew was there?
1. Stop Crying Your Heart Out

**Hey everyone! First off, thanks for looking into this story of mine! I am writing this mainly because I always disliked Kurt and Blaine together. I love both of the characters separately, but never found them anywhere near as interesting as they could be. I do unfortunately make Kurt the villain here. So this is my first major Glee experiment. I will hopefully keep this updated semi-regularly and will take all of your criticisms and ideas into consideration!**

**As for the set up, I will probably use songs in about half the stories, or more if I find I can use them effectively. I may sometimes put bits of story in between lyrics, so the lyrics will always be italics. I like to keep what is Glee a part of the story if possible! This story will take place right after "It's Not Right, But It's Okay" from Dance With Somebody(in which the story begins to change a little bit), but I will elaborate a tiny bit on some original back story and events, specifically in the implied few month hiatus in between On My Way and Big Brother, before I move on to my original content. This story actually was inspired by the song I will use here in Chapter 1, and hopefully some more songs can inspire continuations at a later time! Anyway, review if it suits you, suggest improvements or ideas if you have any, and enjoy!**

**Stop Crying Your Heart Out: Chapter 1**

I am tired. This whole deal with Chandler had me up at all hours and it took all my strength to make it to school the next day. I can't remember when I started to notice it, but I think I was beginning to understand that Kurt wasn't in this as much as I was a few weeks ago.

A few months had passed since Karofsky and Quinn had their accidents. It was a tough time for Kurt, and learning that Karofsky was leaving not only Lima, but the state as well, to build a new life with his parents in Washington was a turning point. I always suspected that even after all Karofsky had done to him, he still felt strongly for the life altered ex-bully. Once he left, however, Kurt took to being incredibly focused on his career and college prospects. He never texted me and always wanted to talk only of his plans or what Rachel and he were planning for their auditions or how life would be better in New York City.

That is what hurt the most, almost like he couldn't wait to get out of here. His life was moving on, and his plans never involved me. Sure, I am still a junior and cannot follow him, but I always thoughts his hopes and dreams would involve what we had together, even when apart. After my outburst yesterday, I noticed that while everyone supported me in song, no one stepped up to help me afterwards. Sure, I stormed out, but the truth is they are all Kurt's friends, and I never really meshed well into this family.

I was always Kurt's tag along and no one was close to me at this school who wasn't close to Kurt. That is why when I stepped out of my car this morning, I was already planning on skipping Glee Club and going to meet with Speech and Debate or some other club in this school where I could make some friends of my own. I had made it to third period before I ran into any of the glee kids; A benefit of being one of the few juniors in glee, I guess. Tina was always pretty soft spoken, so I wasn't surprised when all she did was smile and say a quick hello before she took her seat next to me and class began.

It went by pretty quickly, but I had no clue what we learned becuase, as it had been for the last few days, my mind was fixed on Kurt. I had just made the choice to seek him out before lunch when Tina finally broke me out of my daze.

"Blaine? Come on let's go. Class is over." She seemed conflicted about something and I figured she was fighting over her loyalty to Kurt and whether or not being friendly with me was allowed.

"Huh? Oh. Thanks Tina. I'm not really with it today." I shook the thoughts from my head and gathered my books. Tina was still waiting for me, and I knew I'd be forced to talk as we walked to our next class, one we also shared.

"So..." She paused. "Do you want to talk about what happened? Kurt says you are lying about him cheating on you." I knew this is why I wanted to skip this day. Everyone would be already in Kurt's corner. His story was already told. Real or fake concern, I couldn't tell, but they'd offer to help but they coudln't. No one knew how to fix this. I was convinced the guy I love lost all interest in me and Tina thinks she can help. On top of that, he can't see everything he has done is wrong. How frustrating.

"Tina, ya know what? Sorry. I am skipping class today. Can you cover for me? Thanks!" I didn't wait for an answer.

I turned around and went to the only place I could think of, the auditorium. I stood near the back looking at the stage. I put in my headphones, hit shuffle and tried to lose my thoughts in the music. Instead the emotion just crashed down over me. Why wasn't I good enough? I changed my life for him. What did I do wrong? Why couldn't Kurt see what he was doing was wrong? Or did he know it and not care? All of these questions ran through my head and no answers were found.

I took a moment to glance around me. I would not cry, not here. Glee and the stage have been a place of joy. No tears are acceptable here. This has always been a happy place. What changed? What happened to all the cheery optimism about the future? What happened to "I'll never say goodbye to you?" What happened to me finally being important to someone? What happened to my confidence?

I am amazed at how easily the answer comes to me. Kurt. I left happiness. I left safety. I left it all for him. The prospects were enough to do so. Love? Forever after? The future was so bright, but now everything I loved was shattered. Kurt ruined this all for me. Kurt changed! Why did he do it? Did he ever care for me, or was I the only gay man to show him support in his life? He finally caught the eyes of a random stranger and his ex-bully was finally accepting himself and I am left with a broken heart. I don't think I deserve this. Have I really done so wrong to have this happen to me?

Finally, I cried for a few minutes, not noticing when I sat in the closest chair and buried my head into my arms. Every memory and every choice I made came back to me over the next however many minutes I spent releasing all of it. The tears finally came to an end and as if my iPod sensed how I was feeling, the perfect song came on, and I started to sing:

_Hold up... hold on... don't be scared..._  
_You'll never change what's been and gone_  
_May your smile, shine on_  
_Don't be scared_  
_Your destiny may keep you warm_

I start making my way to the stage. Kurt won't ruin this for me. He can try, but I won't allow it!

_Cause all of the stars have faded away_  
_Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday_  
_Take what you need and be on your way_  
_And stop crying your heart out_

_Get up... come on..._  
_Why you scared?_  
_You'll never change what's been and gone_

I stop halfway down and admire the setting. I am here now. Everything is different but I can still make this a place of happiness, right?

_Cause all of the stars have faded away_  
_Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday_  
_Take what you need and be on your way_  
_And stop crying your heart out_

_Cause all of the stars have faded away_  
_Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday_  
_Just take what you need and be on your way_  
_And stop crying your heart out_

I don't want to be the easiest option. I want to be the only option! I imagine an audience out there as I finally reach the stage. Anger replaces whatever optimism I had left and the cheering audience turns into the emptiness that I am feeling. I will find that again! I have to.

_We're all of the stars_  
_We're fading away_  
_Just try not to worry, you'll see us someday_  
_Just take what you need and be on your way_  
_And stop crying your heart out_  
_Stop crying your heart out..._

Clapping? Someone is here? I turn to see Sam walking towards me after putting down his guitar. I wipe my eyes and continue to stare in a mix of amazement and embarrassment.

"Blaine, that was amazing!" He clasped his hand on my shoulder and had the hugest smile across his face. I managed a sad grin before I lost it again. I didn't know Sam that well. In fact, we got off to a really bad start and we never really recovered from it. Maybe that is why breaking down in front of him was so easy. He pulled me in for a hug and I forced myself to pull it together. His smile was replaced with genuine concern.

"What's going on, man? Sit down, talk to me."

"No, it's ok Sam. Go back to whatever you were doing. I don't need to waste your time."

"Sit down right now, and let me have it." I chuckled a bit at his orders and wanted to walk away, but I found myself sitting on the edge of the stage with him instead.

"I don't know Sam. What am I doing here? Kurt is more interested in people he doesn't know and people who tried to ruin his life then he is in me. I changed my life for him. I don't have any friends here. We were at each others throats the day we met and have barely talked since. Why am I telling you this and Why are you even listening?" I sighed and rubbed my eyes, trying to keep myself busy. This was a little awkward.

"Blaine, What you did yesterday was brave. Most people think what Kurt did was wrong, but he still has them in his corner."

"No one called me yesterday. No one texted. Not one of you cared how I was doing. One day has made me hate this stage and hate glee. And yet here you are, pretending to care? I'm sorry Sam, but this is ridiculous." I got up and started to walk away. I notice the shock on Sam's face but it isn't important. I've made up my mind.

"Isn't that song about moving on?" He shouted at me, just as I reached the door, and I stop. I turn to see him still sitting on the stage and I shrug. "I mean, you sang a song about not giving up, learning from your past and being strong enough to learn from it all. It doesn't sound like giving up on these people and this school was what you should have gotten from that."

"It means I don't need Kurt and I shouldn't be held down by this place and the crap I've been through. Do you even understand what this place is to me now? It is where I came to ruin my life. I took a chance, and it backfired. All you all saw was my outburst in glee yesterday. None of you saw how he distanced himself from me. None of you see how his life is moving on and away from me. None of you see how I changed everything for him to have it end like this. So yes, the song is about moving on, about being stronger, and learning from the past. It is all of those things, and I will do that with a new setting, away from glee and hopefully back at Dalton next year." I had made my way back to stage and was on the verge of tears for the third time this hour as Sam got up and stopped in front of me.

"Blaine. Do you realize how incredible you are? Mercedes and I were just talking about you. You command attention when you perform. You are right, you didn't deserve what Kurt did to you. I feel terrible that no one was concerned for you. But I am now. I am trying to help and you are pushing me away. I know we didn't get off to a good start this year and you don't have to believe me. So if you want to give up, that is fine. But know, you are not alone, and however much you think you aren't friends with these people, a lot of them still think highly of you. Now, this period is almost over and we both have lunch next, right? You and I are going to go get some food and you are going to talk to me all during lunch. No weaseling out of it!"

"Fine, Sam." I was annoyed, but his rant had me convinced that he at least was marginally concerned about me. I guess it wouldn't hurt to give him a chance.

As I walked to my locker the glee kids I wished would stay away all started to appear. Sugar came up and gave me a hug before walking away. Mike told me to call him if I needed anything. Tina found me again, and told me that if I ever walked away from her again she would have to follow and missing class wasn't ever a thought in her head. I chuckled and thanked her. Mercedes told me that just because she was close with Kurt didn't mean she wouldn't be willing to listen to me.

Rachel and Finn were avoiding me however. The two people besides Kurt that I was closest to and they wouldn't talk to me, even look at me. I knew battle lines had been drawn, and Kurt and I weren't even broken up yet. Of all the people I knew, Tina and Sam were the only two I found myself wanting to give time to.

Before long Sam and I were sitting outside and talking about random stuff to pass time. I managed to pull myself together and was actually feeling a little better for reasons I couldn't explain. It wasn't long though until Sam dropped the small talk and took on a more serious tone.

"Alright Blaine, look. Kurt thinks you are breaking up with him. Are you?" Right to the point, isn't he?

"I don't know. I don't want to but every time I think about how he shows no remorse for what he has done I lose a little respect for him."

"I think he knows what he did was wrong. Mercedes laid into him pretty good yesterday after you stormed out."

"She did? I didn't know it was that important to her."

"You know she cheated on Shane with me. She still feels terrible. So do I, actually but that isn't the point. She knows what doing that to someone does, and she hates herself for it. Seeing Kurt deny what everyone else can see so clearly sent her over the edge I guess. Look, I don't know that she felt any strong push to defend you, but it came out that way and she was glad she did it afterwards. i don't know for sure, but do you know why no one called you yesterday? Kurt said he was going to give you time and then talk to you before glee today. It seems a few of us broke down a little to early though!" he laughed and I smiled. He really did want to cheer me up.

"Thanks Sam. I'll have to thank Tina too. She caved before you did but I just thought she was being nosey." he laughed at that.

"You really don't know Tina that well then, do you?" the laughter continued until I hit him in the arm.

"Shut up! I thought you all hated me." I sighed. "I wasn't going to come to glee today."

"Do me a favor, then. Please come. I think Kurt does feel bad. I don't know for sure, but I know he wants to talk to you."

"Alright Sam, I will." I caved. So easily too. Why was Sam able to manipulate me so well? Mental note to stand up to him more if we are going to be friends.

The rest of the day passed a little easier. Kurt wasn't in my mind so much, but was replaced with thoughts of the friends I didn't know I had, like Tina and especially Sam. When glee finally arrived though, they left my mind and nerves wracked my body. I only saw Kurt one time in the hallway and I dashed around a corner before he could see me. I know I was being childish, but I didn't know what I wanted to say, or hear him say for that matter. So when I finally turned the corner to walk towards glee and saw him standing outside the class I froze.

"Hi" he said meekly. It was kind of pathetic and I think I smirked. I finally mustered up enough courage to walk towards him and stopped just outside the class. Everyone else was already inside and I found myself extremely nervous about being here. I was about to speak when he interrupted me. "wait, before you say anything, I have to speak. I thought about your song and given this weeks theme, I found the best way to show you how sorry I am and how I feel, and fulfill our assignment! So come in and listen. Please."

I stepped inside and thankfully found a lone seat in the back of the room. Kurt stepped up to the microphone and began Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing." I was surprised he used the weeks theme to express how he feels but, then again, I did the same thing so I have to give him a chance. Is he smiling? Where is the emotion? I thought he said he felt sorry? As he continued the rage was building inside of me. I saw Sam and Tina look back at me and they seemed to understand. Tina reached back and grabbed my hand and I was so thankful for her presence or I may have stormed out right then.

Kurt finished and a few people seemed to buy it. Finn and Rachel were smiling and clapping. Sugar, Rory, Artie, and Joe didn't seem to pick up on the tension at all. Quinn, Puck, Santanna, and Brittany all clapped and smiled back at Kurt. I had enough.

"You are smiling? You are happy? Was your performance so grand that instead of feeling sorry about what you did you are happy? I love you Kurt, and you smile through a song that basically says you'd be lost without me? This song was a lie! You don't actually care, do you? This was just an assignment for you? Well guess what? We are done!" I fought back tears, again, and stormed out of glee the second day in a row. This time however, I was followed out by Sam, Tina, Mike, and Mercedes. I turned the corner and collapsed on the ground.

"Guys, can you give me a minute? I want to talk to him alone for a second." Sam was polite but forceful.

"Ok, but we will be just around the corner." Tina seemed a little riled up. I smiled through the tears at the thought. I'll have to thank her for being her, as cheesy as that sounds.

"Blaine. I cannot believe he did that. He has no idea what he is doing wrong. It he wasn't such a jerk I'd feel bad for him." I shot Sam a disgusted look. "Sorry, sorry! Not the point. You need to know we have your back. Not everyone, obviously, but some of us do. You have friends here. They are right here. Come on over guys." He beckoned around the corner.

Tina, Mike and Mercedes rounded the corner, followed by someone I didn't expect. Rory smiled at me and I shot him a questioning look.

"I know ye' are a good man Blaine. I just wanted to make sure ye' are ok." Rory actually looked concerned and it brought a smile to my face.

It was then I noticed I wasn't crying. Five friends, standing around me, making sure I was ok and that fourth set of tears never came. I was sad. I was angry. I felt betrayed like I never knew I could be, but where I always thought I was alone stood a few pillars of strength around me, and for the first time today I thought good of Kurt for getting me to transfer here.

"Thanks guys. I think I'll be okay."


	2. Shine The Light

**Wow! So many alerts and favorites! I appreciate it everyone. Thanks for the reviews as well! I decided with the second story that I was going to write from Sam's perspective too. This story is all in his perspective BUT I do not think it will alternate story to story, it might start to get split withing the same chapters. **

**The song from the last chapter, and the inspiration for this story, was "Stop Crying Your Heart Out" by Oasis since I forgot to mention the band! They are one of my favorites!**

**This chapters song is "Shine The Light" from Sugarland. **

**Here is part 2!**

**Stop Crying Your Heart Out: Chapter 2**

It was a weird few days. I was never really close to Blaine. I felt bad when he stormed out of Glee the first time this week, but I didn't really think much past that. Kurt insisted it wasn't a bid deal and that we should let him cool off. Fine by me, but not Mercedes.

I had never seen her react so strongly towards something. It was after she exploded on Kurt that I thought I would talk to Blaine, for her. I didn't expect to have him come into the auditorium during my free period the next day.

All that came after I sort of made up as it went along, but I actually found myself caring for the guy, and realized that we never really gave each other a chance. So when he broke up with Kurt after an unbelievably rude and emotionless performance, I found myself following him out to make sure he was ok. I didn't expect the following that came with me, and with these people I knew Blaine would be alright in time.

It was finally the last class of the week and the bell to end class couldn't come fast enough. Blaine had been in school but we hadn't gotten a chance to see each other much since the break up. He avoided lunch and glee so he didn't have to see Kurt who was taking it really well. That aggravated me now.

I was adamant that I would find him before he left for the weekend. I still didn't have his damn phone number, and particularly dumb oversight on my part. The bell rang and I made my way quickly to his locker.

I was stopped though by Rachel who had that incredibly obnoxious know-it-all look on her face.

"Sam, I know you are taking Blaine's side in this but you must know that Finn and I support Kurt and think Blaine made a huge mistake in not accepting Kurt's inspired and heartfelt apology."

"Rachel, Kurt knew he could lose Blaine and sang that song with a smile on his face. Does that sound sincere to you?" I started towards Blaine's locker again. I was not going to miss him.

"Regardless he didn't deserve to be dumped in front of everyone. Blaine needs to know he was wrong."

I stopped. Rachel was tapping her toe and waiting for me to say she was right.

"Rachel, do me a favor and mind your own business. Kurt was wrong, in their private life and in front of glee. I probably would have reacted the same way. So would you." She actually looked to be thinking it over.

"It was very theatrical, although I probably would have done it with song." She looked off as if thinking of the perfect break up ballad.

"Go back to Kurt and tell him that I am sorry, but Blaine needs support too. You three were closest to him and have all abandoned him. So no, I am not concerned with how Kurt feels right now. " I finally manage to get away and am now even more annoyed.

Kurt has people fighting battles for him when Blaine just wants to peace and time to get over this. I really need to see him before he leaves here.

I turn the corner and am relieved to see Blaine at his locker. I lean in next to him and a half hearted smile comes across his face.

"Hey Sam." He goes back to shuffling through his locker.

"So, Blaine. A few things we need to discuss. First, here is my phone. Put your number in it, now." I take his book from his hand and hand over my phone. He chuckles and enters his number before we trade back.

"Second, what are you doing tonight?"

"My parents are out of town. I have to keep an eye on the house. I'll probably just watch some movies or something all weekend."

"Perfect. I am coming over and you are going to stop bottling up all of this and you are going to let this out. Besides, I am staying with Kurt and Finn and I will not be sucked into their crap."

"I don't know Sam, I just want to be a lone tonight. I will call you if I need to talk, how about that?"

I am concerned but he knows what he needs better then I do. I am pretty disappointed that he doesn't want to confide in me, but I have to get over it.

"Ok then, but you are coming out tomorrow. Mercedes and I were going to go out for a movie and dinner. We will turn it into an event and get us out and have some fun. Mike, Tina and Rory will come too. I will not accept no for an answer."

"Alright, alright! Text me the details so I have your number. I am going to get out of here. Thanks Sam." He pulled me in for a hug and I was happy to oblige. I turned to leave and immediately opened my phone.

I had a great idea to cheer Blaine up and I need our new crew to pull it off. He needed to know we were there for him and I knew they'd want to help.

Mercedes, Mike, Tina, and Rory all quickly jumped on board and we all spent the night at Mike's house getting ready. I sent Blaine a text telling him to be at Mike's house tomorrow at noon.

We all perfected our parts of the song and worked on putting together a nice lunch to take out to the park. Blaine met us a little after 12 and we decided to take a walk to the park instead of driving on this beautiful day. Rory had a bag with a surprise in it, he said, and we were all trying our hardest not to peak inside.

We joked around the whole walk up. Truthfully we were a strange group. Rory and Blaine were new to the rest of us and we all quickly regretted not getting to know them better sooner. Rory never understood our slang and on several occasions got us laughing so hard we couldn't even walk.

Blaine was still a little checked out but the few laughs and smiles convinced us this was worth it. We finally got to the park and picked a nice open place near the center of the open fields. The breeze kept the heat off us and everyone seemed to love just soaking in the sun and spending good time with friends.

After we ate our lunch, sandwiches, chips, and some lemonade, Rory busted out his surprise.

"Kites! I've always wanted to fly one so I stopped by the store and picked us all up one before I came over last night!" He was so excited and it rubbed off on all of us.

Mike and I tried to battle our kites and we both came tumbling down way to fast. Mercedes couldn't get hers to stay in the air but she didn't seem to care. She was laughing every time it fell.

Rory was having a blast and was getting Blaine to show him some cool things he can do by manipulating the string and playing to and against the wind. I was watching them and was smiling at how everyone was getting along.

"Good to see him getting out and having fun with us, right man?" Mike came up next to me with his tattered kite and a frown. "I can't believe I broke this thing already. We are gonna have to get real battle kites so I can take you down!"

I laughed and thought about how a group of people could come together so quickly. I was happy Blaine and I were becoming closer. I wanted to get a chance to talk to him alone so I asked Mike to help Rory with the kite.

"Hey Blaine, come with me a second. I want to show you something." We walked down to the small pond and sat at the bench. I was silent for a few moments and Blaine was eyeing me with curiosity.

"I just wanted to make sure you were ok. We are all glad to see you smiling and having a good time."

"I really appreciate this. To be honest though, the problem isn't you guys. I can't take going into that school and seeing Kurt. I didn't realize how much I really felt for him until it was over."

He rubbed his eyes and I was determined to keep his spirits up. "Look man, He doesn't know what he lost. He was so used to receiving no attention and life was always hard for him. People starting to pay attention may have changed him."

I sighed. This wasn't making it better. Why did I start this. "You will always be the better man here, no matter what others are saying. You did a lot for him that he never respected you for."

"What are others saying?" Crap. Why did I say that?

"Oh, um. Sorry man. I shouldn't have said that. Just, some people are upset with how you reacted to his apology. I guess they didn't see it for what it really was."

"Oh..." I felt my heart ache. I can't describe how bad I feel for him. He was so determined to be strong but I could see it was a losing battle.

"Come on. We have a surprise for you."

"What is it this time, remote control helicopters?" We both laughed and I was glad to see he could still joke around.

"No, a little more personal than that. Come on."

We walked back to the group and I made him sit down in our picnic setup. I gathered everyone around and picked up my guitar.

"Blaine, I had this idea to cheer you up and all of us were excited to show you how much we care. This isn't just to cheer you up, it is to show you that you aren't alone at McKinley and that people are always here for you."

I started to play and Tina started us off.

_**(Tina) **__  
When you walk into the edge of those dark and lonely woods  
And when I ask "How was your day?"  
You answer "Not so good"  
And when nothing seems to be working out quite the way it should...  
I will shine the light_

_**(Rory)**__  
When the skies up above you fill with gray and stormy clouds  
And there's not a single face you know in the maddening crowd  
When you know that you will make your way, but you just can't see how...  
I will shine the light_

_**(Mercedes)**__  
I will shine the light_

_**(Mike)**__  
I will shine the light_

_**(Tina)**__  
I will hold you in my arms until everything's alright_

_**(Sam)**__  
I will shine the light_

_**(Mercedes)**__  
And when your worries, they won't let you sleep and rob you of your days  
And you've looked in all directions but you still can't find your way  
Or when you just need someone to remind you that it's all gonna be okay  
I will shine the light_

_**(Mike)**__  
I will shine the light_

_**(Rory)**__  
I will shine the light_

_**(Sam)**__  
When you're staring down your demons waiting in your darkest night_

_**(Tina)**__  
I will shine the light_

_**(Sam)**__  
Sometimes we jump into the great unknown  
Some roads we're on, we'll have to walk alone  
But waiting there in the end is a heart that calls you a friend...  
That's me.  
Clapping the loudest, welcoming you home_

_**(Mike)**__  
So when your heart is heavy like a stone  
From carrying it's load  
And you look into the mirror and see someone you don't know  
Or when the shadows are closing in on you like a hand around your throat  
I will shine the light_

_**(Tina)**__  
I will shine the light_

_**(Rory)**__  
I will shine the light_

_**(Sam)**__  
When you've given into your fear  
When you've lost your will to fight  
Let me know that I can do  
Let me try to make it right  
And I will shine the light_

_**(All)**__  
I will shine the light_

We ended the song with our arms around each other and Blaine on the ground with an odd display of tears, sad and happy and amazed all at once. Some people around us were clapping and we thanked them before turning back to Blaine.

"Get up here Blaine!" Mike pulled him to his feet and brought him in for a group hug. When we finally separated Blaine had the saddest look on his face.

"I already talked to my parents. I was planning on going back to Dalton next year."

"What?" I think we all screamed in unison as people turned to look at us again.

"Even though Kurt won't be here there is too much negativity in this place." He sighed and turned, facing away from us. "Let's just make these last few weeks bearable."

"Blaine, they will be more then bearable. We will convince you to stay with us. You have us now. Kurt will always be our friend, but not at your expense." Tina amazed me with how much she had Blaine's back. Mercedes too. Kurt was one of the originals with them.

"I don't know guys." Blaine already seemed conflicted, and that is a minor victory in my eyes. If he has doubts, he won't be leaving us so easily. I can fight to make him want to stay.

"Blaine, we have only been friends a few days. Mike and Mercedes are leaving in a few weeks. Tina and Rory and I need you around! Look at how good of friends we are already? Only time will tell, but with time we can only become closer."

I really was fighting for a friendship only a few days old and I really wanted it to stick. Helping Blaine had made me happy. Seeing him happy had made me happy and I don't want him giving up because of Kurt.

"Can we not talk about this now? I loved your song and am really happy you are all here for me. Some things I just need to figure out on my own, though."

"Ok. Look, I brought Cranium! Let's see how big of fools we can make of each other. Let's do Mike and I, Mercedes and Rory, and Blaine and Sam! Come on, pair up!"

"We are going to kick but Blaine. I rock at this game!"

"Oh we will see about that. Rory, let's cream these fools."

Much to everyone's surprise, Blaine and I actually did rule the game. We are all talented, but it was like Blaine and I could read each others minds. We never took it seriously and everyone had the best time, even Blaine I think. Blaine and I started to connect really well and every time we had our song or charade figured out before anyone else was able to really get started.

It was amazing how well we were getting along. Blaine even leaned in to me and whispered a thank you when everyone else was distracted. I gave him a quick hug and I could feel his spirit lifting.

We finally packed up and started to make our way back to Mikes. Tina and Mike had plans with his parents for dinner and Rory had to be home to Skype with his parents over in Ireland.

Mercedes and I were going to go out and see our movie and invited Blaine to come along.

"Come on, man. It's on me. You can both be my date tonight." I joked and batted my eyelashes at him and it convinced Blaine to tag along, laughing and punching me in the arm to knock it off.

Mercedes had to drive separately as she was going to a church function right after the movie and wasn't going to be able to make it to dinner since we had stayed at the park so late. Blaine and I drove together and it gave me a few minutes to make sure he knew how close I felt to him already.

"Blaine, I am serious when I say this. I am so sorry all of this happened to you. I know how much you gave up to come here and being betrayed is a terrible thing to deal with." I instinctively took his hand and while I thought it was weird, neither he or I pulled away.

"I know, and thank you Sam, but..."

"Wait, I am not done. I feel really close to you for some reason, and we haven't been great friends. Hell, we haven't even been friends until a few days ago, but I do not want you to go next year. We are going to need you, not only for glee, but to make our senior year amazing. I want you to know that you are important to us, and I cannot think about going to McKinley next year without you. Don't say anything. Don't answer me. Just think about it, please."

When we arrived at the theater I released his hand that I forgot I was holding and looked around for Mercedes. She as waiting at the door with a worried look on her face searching for us in the sea of cars. She quickly dragged us to the side of the door as Blaine and I were about to enter.

"They are in there." She whispered to me. I peaked through the glass and couldn't believe what I saw.

"Ya know what, let's go to dinner first. That sandwich didn't fill me up and I don't want theater food." It was a lame change of course and Blaine saw right through it.

"What's going on? Who is in there?"

"No one, let's just come back later Blaine. Come on."

"No, I am going in." Damn his stubbornness.

We walk in and Blaine looks around. "I don't see anyone." Good, they must have gone into their show.

"Oh, well false alarm then. I though I saw Shane and I didn't want to deal with him, that's all." Mercedes covered well, and I winked at her to show my approval. Just as we were about to buy our tickets though, they came from the bathroom. Blaine saw them instantly and froze.

Kurt and Chandler.


	3. When Finally Set Free

**Hey everyone! I had some time off so I am actually done up through chapter 6 with a few exceptions of songs and minor edits I want to make so the next few chapters will hopefully come quickly. One thing about something I briefly touch on in this chapter and may continue to a little bit throughout this story: religion. I am not a religious person, but I do have faith in certain things. That is how I will treat Sam's religion in this story, but it will not be a huge factor. Sorry to anyone that this may put off. Also, as you may come to notice, I may take songs way out of their original context, but will use them in ways that I feel fit or bend songs to fit situations. The song for this chapter is one of my favorite songs of all time. I hope you all like it. **

**When Finally Set Free - Copeland**

**Stop Crying Your Heart Out: Chapter 3**

**(Blaine)**

I was on cloud nine. The second Sam grabbed my hand I forgot all about my troubles and was finally able to admit to myself that I liked this boy. I almost immediately felt dejected as he was obviously dating Mercedes and was obviously straight.

More then just holding hands with him, he actually cared about me. I wanted to stay at McKinley for him, but every time I thought about staying memories of Kurt came swarming back. I need time. Registering for Dalton isn't until the end of June, and there is plenty of time until then to figure things out.

As for right now, I must accept that things are changing. The guy I love is no longer mine and it is really hard to accept. Thankfully some people are around to help me out.

We finally get to the theater and Mercedes is already here and waiting outside. Damn, that girl drives fast. We make our way over to her and she quickly pulls us to the side and whispers something at Sam.

He glances a me and for a split second I can see the worry in his eyes. It quickly morphs to a smile and he suggests we do dinner first. I knew something was up. I saw it, even if briefly, and I was determined to figure out what it was.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary and Mercedes told me about seeing Shane and it all made sense. I relaxed and we chatted for a few while we made our way to the ticket counter. Just as we stepped up to purchase our tickets I saw him. More accurately, saw them.

Betrayal, fear, loneliness, depression. Everything came down on me at once and the next thing I remember is Sam buckling me into the passenger seat of his car. Immediately all of those feelings are replaced with anger and I slam my fist onto his dashboard.

"What the hell was that! Not even a week Sam! Not even a week." The tears flowed. Sam pulled me into a hug and I cried for a long time. Validation that I meant nothing. All of my fears came true, and the only thought racing through my head was that no one would miss me if I were gone.

Even Sam, who was holding me tight and telling me to let it out, was only here out of pity. No. That's wrong. He really does care. Right?

I look up and he is staring me right in the eyes. He looks to be hurting. He really feels for me? "Sam, where is Mercedes?"

"I imagine laying it into Kurt pretty good right now. She is letting me take you home and postpone our date for another time. Mind if I let go for a second so I can drive. Otherwise I can carry you home?" He chuckled, but I wasn't in the mood to laugh right now.

"Let's go."

The ride back to Mike's to get my car was quiet. I sobbed quietly for a little bit but it started to die down when Sam grabbed my hand again for the second time today. Damn it Sam, why are you doing this to me.

"Alright Blaine, are you ok to drive?" We pulled up to my car and he turned and looked at me with a mixture of concern and compassion.

"Yeah, I think so, but will you follow me home just in case?"

"Of course, man. Let's get you home."

Halfway home I made the decision to ask him to come in for a little bit before he had to go. I ruined his night and the least I could do was make dinner so he wasn't on his own for that. We pulled into my driveway and Sam got out of his car and whistled.

"Blaine, your house is great! You didn't tell me your place was this nice!"

"My parents do ok. It's just me and them since Cooper moved to LA and it gets a little lonely sometimes, being so big and all."

"I bet you have a pool. Do you have a pool?" I nod at him. "Great! over the summer you can help me get better for the swim team. Coach Roz says I still need work. You wouldn't mind that, would you?"

"No, I guess not. Hey, come on in and I'll make you dinner. I ruined your night after all, it's the least I can do."

"Stop right there." I turned and gave him a questioning look. "You did not ruin my night. Someone... someone else did. And dinner sounds great."

"Alright, come on in."

I showed him the bathroom and told him where the kitchen was and got started on something easy, some chicken breast, rice, and green beans. He finally found me a few moments later and patted me on the shoulder.

"Anything I can do to help? I am a pretty bad cook, I won't lie, but I can dominate stirring a pot." He laughed at himself again and this time I had to join in. He was trying to hard to cheer me up and I shouldn't make it harder for him.

"No that's ok. Thank you Sam, for staying. I don't really want to be alone right now."

"No problem man. Want me to stay here tonight? I don't really like the idea of going back to that house and facing Kurt tonight."

"Yeah, ok. You don't have any of your stuff here though."

"I'll call and make sure it is fine with Carole and then I can run home while you cook and get some stuff."

"Sounds good!" He stepped out to call Finn's mom and make sure she didn't have a problem with him staying over here. I was relieved. I just wanted someone to talk to and I needed that reassurance that someone cared.

He came back into the room and I immediately knew he had bad news. "Carol wants me to come home. She says she has questions for me. I am sorry man. I have to go."

I was gutted. Only to me could happiness and disappointment come so close together. Disappointment was the wrong word. I was heart broken and I had no one to help me through it, even if some tried.

"Oh. Ok. I didn't start the chicken yet so I guess I'll just have some green beans and rice for myself. Thanks for offering though." I knew he could hear the sadness in my voice.

"I am so sorry man. I will call you tonight, ok?" He gave me a quick hug and then was out the door. I watched him drive away and broke down yet again.

**(Sam)**

I finally make it back to the Hudson-Hummel House and make no effort to hide my annoyance. If I am going to be expected to side with Kurt on this things would end badly.

"Carol! Are you in here?" I found it weird she wanted us to use her first name, but by now it was second nature.

"In here, Sam!"

I walked into the kitchen and was relieved to see she was alone. "What are you making? It smells great!"

"Oh hush, its just left over lasagna from the other night. I was here alone, no sense to cook a whole meal. Did you want anything?"

I was hungry but lasagna was the last thing I wanted. "Sure but sit and eat. I'll look around."

She sat down and started to talk, and I knew this was going to be uncomfortable. "So, what is going on with Kurt and Blaine? I haven't seen him around here in a while and Kurt has been very distant lately."

Oh my god. He hasn't told them. It's also amazing Rachel hasn't been over to blab about ti since it happened. In my shock I didn't notice her staring at me intently.

"Oh, sorry. I was just surprised. Kurt or Finn haven't told you?"

"Told me what?"

"Oh, well, um. This isn't my place to say anything..."

"Sam, Kurt has said 2 words to us in the past week, and lord knows I don't have to worry about a pregnancy." I laughed. " Finn has been spending all of his time at Rachel's, and you are off with Mercedes all the time. How else am I going to learn what is going on if I don't ask?" Carol looked determined and I knew I wasn't getting out of this one.

I settled down with some chips and a pickle. I suddenly wasn't very hungry. "Well, Kurt and Blaine sort of, broke up."

"WHAT!"

"Yeah, um, the details really aren't mine to tell. Maybe you can talk to Kurt? I've been hanging out with Blaine. He feels like he has no one to talk to here."

"Oh, is that why you wanted to stay at his place? Yes, yes. Go! Don't let the boy be alone after a breakup!"

"Seriously! Thanks, I'll go get some things and call him and let him know!" I shoved the pickle in my mouth and ran to my room, dialing Blaine as I went.

No answer.

I guess I'll just go over. I'll try him again on the way.

I finally got everything I needed and headed out the door. I was happy to be heading over there. Blaine needed someone and I was happy to be that person. When I finally reached his house I saw him still in the kitchen and I was relieved to see he was ok.

I knocked on the door and a few seconds later he came over.

"Sam? What are you doing here?"

"Surprise! I am allowed to stay the night. I tried calling you and you didn't answer."

"Oh, I sort of threw my phone and it's in a few pieces on the run in the other room..."

"What? Let me see. Luckily it isn't broken, man! What's the matter?"

"Just letting out some frustration. I was just about to drink some of this. He held up a bottle of whiskey. He poured us both a glass and he chugged his instantly.

"I haven't drank anything since that party last year." I laughed remembering some of it and instantly regretted it.

"Yeah some party."

"Sorry. no McKinley memories tonight. I promise."

"To a new friendship that we never saw coming." Blaine raised his glass to me and we shared our first drink as friends.

"Ya know Blaine, I really thought you didn't like me. I thought you were going to tell me to shove off when I ran into you at the auditorium the other day."

"It never crossed my mind, but I was occupied..."

"Yeah, I know. I am sorry we got off to a wrong start though. I know you had it rough here with a lot of the glee club."

"Why are you apologizing? I basically called you a whore and stormed out like a baby. I am sorry about that by the way. But you are right, I never really felt accepted here by anyone besides Kurt and Mr. Shue, and we know how the Kurt situation turned out."

"Enough about this, we are good friends now and that is all that matters. Hey, take me on the tour of the Anderson house! This place is seriously amazing!"

"It isn't that great, Sam." I finally got a laugh from Blaine and I knew this night would turn around.

"I did live in a motel for a long time, remember. Come one, show me around!"

We drank and sat around for a while after my grand tour and eventually we both lost track of the time and the drinks. Before we knew it we were pretty tipsy and on Blaine's bed looking over old Dalton pictures and talking about our pasts.

"Before I came here I only really ever sang and played guitar for myself. It wasn't really something I thought of sharing with anyone until glee."

"I always loved performing. It got be bullied pretty badly before I went to Dalton though. That place seriously changed my life. I started to believe in the love of human beings again." He sighed and picked up a picture. "Oh! That is Wes' sister. She is pretty hot, I must say. Wes tried to hook me up with her before he knew I was gay." I laughed at him and he laughed along with me.

"Ya know, I never kissed a girl until Rachel. It was weird."

"How was it weird?" Any controlled laughter was now gone and I was laughing at the thought of Blaine and Rachel kissing.

"I don't know, I liked it, drunk of course. I am sure if you were to ever kiss a guy you'd know what I mean." I laughed again and he punched me lightly in the arm. "Yeah, yeah! I know you'll never kiss a guy. Not with Mercedes on your arm."

"I have kissed a guy before Blaine." Now he stopped and smiled at me. "I mean, I was a stripper. I did a lot of things I never thought I'd do before. I didn't hate it."

"Oh?" He paused as if waiting for me to elaborate but I didn't like reliving those days.

"One of these days I will tell you they story. You might have to get me way more alcohol then I've had tonight though!" I laughed but I meant it. I felt like I could share anything with Blaine.

"Well good to know. Your secret is safe with me!" He smiled at me again, and this time something in his eyes had me staring intently at him. There was pain there but something new as well. I saw a friend. One of my best friends and I was starting to feel very protective of him.

I don't why, but I thought about kissing Blaine right here and now. It will make him feel better. Yeah, that's why. I brushed my hair out of my eyes and kept looking right into his eyes.

"Blaine, you are a beautiful guy. Inside and out, and you do not deserve what Kurt did and is continuing to do to you. Just know that, ok?" Did I just say he was beautiful? I mean he is. He is a good looking guy. I never thought about that before.

"But what if I'm not? No one ever showed interest in me except for Kurt and Sebastian and both of them were terrible for different reasons. There has to be something wrong with me. Why did Kurt do that to me?" He laid back on the bed and covered his eyes. I was surprised with the introduction of alcohol that it took this long to get to this point. I put aside the box of Dalton memories and laid down next to him.

"Someone out there is right for you. Maybe they just don't know it yet." I pulled him into a hug and he laid down into my chest and started to cry. I have seen him cry a lot this past week. What happened next was unexpected.

I started to cry with him. His pain hurts me so much. I want him to be better. I want to help him get better. Am I starting to have feeling for Blaine? No, I love Mercedes. I look down at Blaine and am relieved to see he doesn't notice my tears.

Why does this hurt so much? I try to pull myself together and all I can think of is how I really do not want Blaine to leave next year. I don't even care about glee. I will miss him. I finally come under control but he is still crying into my chest as I hold him.

I need to help him, and song is always what I do best. I quickly think of a tune and start sing to the sobbing boy in my arms.

_Feel the pain teaching us how much more we can take  
Reminding us how far we've come  
Let the pain burn away from our hearts  
We have time to start all over again_

The tears are coming back again. I try to hold them off. What does this mean? Blaine is very special to me, but how far does that go?

_Feel the pain teaching us how much more we can take  
Reminding us how far we've come  
Let the pain burn away our hearts  
We have time to start all over again_

I am staring at Blaine. He is calming down and this makes me happy. I realize he his slowly falling asleep so I lower my voice. I feel like I am right where I should be.

_Feel the pain teaching us how much more we can take  
Reminding us how far we've come  
Let the pain burn away from our heart  
We have time to start all over again_

God always has the answers. He has never steered me wrong. He says love ALL people and I believe that is what he means. Maybe he can show me the right path? I look away from Blaine for the first time and look towards the ceiling, out towards the sky and then close my eyes as I finish the song.

_Well if you would shine your love down here oh  
Make our hearts as perfect as new  
Oh if you would shine your love down here oh  
I promise I'd reflect right back at you  
Oh I promise I'd reflect it right back at you  
Oh I promise we'll reflect it right back at you..._

Blaine is asleep and I am left with so many questions. Do I really have feelings for Blaine or do I just want to see him happy? Truthfully I only thought of Mercedes tonight when I started to realize so many things about Blaine. I have never been attracted to any guys before, but Blaine is different.

He is like a bird with a broken wing. I have to help him get back out there. That is my job and that is what I will focus on. He is a great friend and he always will be.

Even as I say these things to myself as I start to fall asleep, Blaine still in my arms, I drift back to his sleeping face and smile. My final thought is that being here with Blaine is the happiest I have been in a long time, and if he leaves there will be a hole no one can fill.


	4. Straitjacket Feeling

**Hey guys. Review and let me know how you like the music and what is happening! This story has followed a little darker of a path then I initially intended but I am really liking writing it so I am going to keep it flowing!**

**Side note, I was in the VA thunderstorms of death(quite literally) and my thoughts go out to anyone effected by it. I only lost power for a little over 2 days, but many people had major damage to homes and lost loved ones. **

**Straitjacket Feeling - All-American Rejects**

**Stop Crying Your Heart Out: Chapter 4**

**(Blaine)**

Glee club on Monday was a relief. Sam hadn't made it into school though, but neither had Kurt which lifted all of the fear from my shoulders. I hadn't spoken to Sam since he left Saturday morning so I shot him a text to make sure he was ok.

"Yeah, I am fine. I'll talk to you later."

I was worried about not hearing from him until now, but quickly put it aside knowing he was at least ok.

It was now Thursday and Sam and I still hadn't spoken much outside the occasional text. I started to realize he was pulling away from me, but I have to try and be calm. Mercedes leaves soon and he is probably just trying to spend as much time with her as possible.

Mr. Shue's assignment for the week was to just work on our regional selections for next weeks competition. I only had a small part in Paradise By The Dashboard Light so after running through some of our basic choreography I sat down and flipped through some sheet music.

I have been looking for the perfect song to sum up how I have been feeling as of late but I cannot find anything that feels right when I sing it. I have feelings towards Kurt I want to express, and feelings towards Sam.

When I think of Sam, great tunes come into my head but none of them are appropriate to sing to my straight best friend. I have been looking for the perfect best friend song, but none are jumping out at me.

As for Kurt, I have been looking for the perfect "what went wrong" or "how dare you" song that expressed I didn't need him. Unfortunately there was still a thread, a tiny connector keeping my heart with him and that is what upset me the most.

Truthfully, being around Kurt was still strange. The thought of him moving on so quickly still hurt, but I could be in the same room with him now, although we haven't spoken to or looked at each other all week. I wouldn't know what to say and I don't think I am strong enough to speak my mind clearly right now.

That all changed today when he approached me while I was off in the corner with my sheet music.

"Blaine. I know you are really depressed because of what happened between us."

"What happened between us? You mean what you did to me?"

"Say whatever you will, Blaine, but just so you know it isn't ok to send Mercedes to do your dirty work for you. Next time you want to to fight to get me back, do it yourself. We have to sing together on this song so keep it professional."

He really knew how to push me over the edge. Fight to get him back? Is he delusional? I spoke with Mercedes the following day about what she said to him and me wanting him back definitely wasn't a part of that conversation. I was angry all of a sudden and instead of answering him I got up and moved to the piano. The perfect song for Kurt came right to my mind at that moment, and so did the confidence to stand up for myself and sever that last tie to this part of my life.

"Mr. Shue. Can we take a short break? I have something I have to say."

"Sure. Blaine has the floor, everyone!" The club moved up to the chairs and took their seats. Sam eyed me nervously and I had to look away. I was still upset he seemed to be ignoring me but that wasn't the point. I went back to Kurt's glaring eyes.

"I want to thank the people who have been here for me this past week. I never knew anyone cared about me that much here. That being said, this song speaks for itself." I sat at the piano and started to play as the band backed me up.

_Back me down from backing up_  
_Hold your breath now it's stacking up_  
_Etched with marks, but I can deal _  
_And you're the problem and you can't feel_  
_Try this on, straitjacket feeling_  
_so maybe I won't be alone_  
_Take back now, my life you're stealing_

_Yesterday was hell, but_  
_Today I'm fine without you_  
_Run away this time without you_  
_And all I ever thought you'd be,_  
_That face is staring holes in me again_

I make sure Kurt knows this is for him. I am staring at him through most of the song. His anger is showing and burning hot.

_Trust you is just one defense_  
_With a list of others, you don't make sense_  
_Beg me time and time again_  
_to take you back now, but you can't win_  
_Take back now, my life you're stealing_

_Yesterday was hell, but_  
_Today I'm fine without you_  
_Run away this time without you_  
_And all I ever thought you'd be_  
_That face is tearing holes in me,_  
_but today I'm fine without you_  
_Run away this time without you_  
_And all the things you put me through_  
_I'm holding on by letting go of you_

I finally take a look around. My friends are smiling. For the first time in a few days I see Sam's smile directed at me as I finish the song.

_And when that memory slips away_  
_There'll be a better view from here_  
_And only lonesome you remains_  
_and just the thought of you I fear_  
_grip falls away_

_Yesterday was hell, but_  
_Today I'm fine without you_  
_Run away this time without you_  
_And all I ever thought you'd be_  
_That face is tearing holes in me,_  
_but today I'm fine without you_  
_Run away this time without you_  
_And all the things you put me through_  
_I'm holding on by letting go of you._

My friends clap and a few of the others join in, but there are a select few focusing on Kurt and I have to ignore them. I thank everyone and go and take my seat back in the corner.

"Very nice Blaine. Now, back to work everyone. Regionals is in less than a week!" We all cheered and went back to work on our set.

"So, I am glad you stood up for yourself here again." That voice. I have only heard it a little bit this past week. I grinned at him. I was proud that I was getting over Kurt. And I took some satisfaction in how mad that made him.

"Thanks Sam." I leaned in closer to Sam. "Did you see Kurt's face?" We both chuckled and fist bumped. "Um, how are you? We haven't really talked since Saturday." This encounter is awkward and I can't figure out why. Sure, Blaine left in a hurry after spending the night on my bed, but I was sober enough to know nothing went wrong.

"I am good. Mercedes and I are doing well, trying to figure out if we want to try a long distance thing but for right now spending as much time together as possible. Sorry for not being around much though, man."

Something about the way he said that was strange but I couldn't figure out why so I dropped it and smiled back at him. It was good to talk to him again.

"Well I better get back to learning the dances. Let me know if you want help working on your vocals." With that, Sam walked away and I was left with a hole again. Should he know that he is the reason I am getting over the pain so easily?

I caught myself staring at him and sighed before finally going back to learning my part of Dashboard, which I unfortunately had to share with Kurt. Oh joy.

**(Sam)**

I was so proud of Blaine! He was getting over Kurt but I had to keep my distance. I was honestly confused about the thoughts I was having for him, but if he started to, or more to the point continues to feel something for me it would hurt him again and I couldn't do that to him.

After glee Mercedes and I went the Lima Bean for coffee. Truth is, I lied to Blaine. Mercedes and I weren't doing great. She could sense I wasn't in the relationship as much anymore and even though I was trying I couldn't keep up with charade forever.

Mercedes was not dumb and she proved it today while we were getting coffee. "I think Blaine is getting over Kurt because of you."

"I am glad I was able to help. We knew he could do it, right?"

"Yes, but that isn't what I mean. I think he has feelings for you."

"Yeah, I felt that too. It's why I have been spending time away from him this week. I don't want him getting the wrong idea..." As I said this my stomach knotted with the lie. I haven't deciphered my feelings but I have made my choice, and that is the beautiful woman sitting in front of me who makes me smile. All other things do not matter.

Staying away from Blaine has been the hardest thing I have done in a long time. I could see how pained he was that I was so busy with Mercedes. I'd see him in glee and all I wanted to do was make sure he was ok, but I have to keep the distance up.

"I love you, Sam." She took my hand and I looked down at our hands, fingers entwined, and I couldn't help but smile.

"I love you too." It wasn't a lie. I did love Mercedes. Was it fair to do this when I was so conflicted about Blaine, or will this just make my feelings for Blaine easier to ignore?

Two weeks later we were back from Chicago with a national trophy and everyone was in high spirits. I actually started to let Blaine leave my mind, and Mercedes and I were doing amazingly.

Blaine had found a strong bond with Mike and I was happy he was there for him. No one understood the real reason I was so distant, but everyone accepted it was because Mercedes and I wanted to make the most of our time together.

Mercedes performance of Disco Inferno on YouTube was becoming more and more popular by the minute, and the comments were always positive and encouraging. Mercedes was gaining confidence really quickly and my small part in this brought us really close.

We were almost inseparable now and it was by both our choice. Things were going well and I was happy.

We had just left glee after our celebratory meeting Monday afternoon when Mercedes phone rang with an important call. Apparently a record executive had contacted her mother and was going to be in Chicago and wanted to meet with her tomorrow.

We got home and had her packed up and ready to head up there this evening. Her mother was ready to go and they were out the door almost instantly. I was happy I would get to share the news with glee tomorrow, which Mercedes asked me to do.

At glee Tuesday I shared her amazing news and everyone was super excited for her. The national trophy had eased a lot of the tension within our group and it was good to see our love and support for each other coming back to normal.

"I am so happy for her Sam, she couldn't have done it without you." Blaine was next to me as we left for the day.

"Thanks man. I am really excited for her. I gotta get going. See you tomorrow!" Blaine tried to keep it hidden, but his eyes said it all. I was another person he cared about who abandoned him. When I made it to my car I called Mike.

"Hey man, are you alone?"

"Yeah, Tina just ran to the bathroom before we leave. What's up?"

"How is Blaine doing?"

"Not so good man. He says everything is fine but her never wants to come hang out with us or anything. He puts on a happy face here but I think he has decided to transfer back to Dalton after all."

"Oh." It was all I could say. A part of me thought it would be a good idea. But all coming flooding back at once, I didn't want him to go. As if Mercedes knew I needed her now my call waiting started to buzz. "Mike, Mercedes is on the other line, I'll talk to you later, ok?"

I hung up and picked up as Mercedes gushed about how well the meeting went. Nothing was set in stone yet, but they were promised to hear back in a few weeks. They decided to stay Chicago another night and celebrate and see the sights.

Late that night Sam was in bed when his phone rang.

"Blaine? It's 1 in the morning, what's going on?"

"Come outside, Sam."

I hung up and tip toed out of the house and Sam Blaine sitting on the curb a little ways away from the house. He immediately got up and met me out front.

"Blaine, what are you doing here?" Tears were in his eyes and he held a packet of papers.

"This is my Dalton paperwork. I am turning it in in the morning." He said nothing else as if he expected me to say something.

"Oh." A popular word with me today.

"I want you to know that I am really happy for you and Mercedes. You tow are really happy, but where that should make me happy, it doesn't. I hurt every day. You haven't spoken to me in over 2 weeks!" He ws raising his voice now and I pushed him out of sight of the house.

"I know, I'm sorry. We have been busy."

"Everyone here I have felt close with has abandoned me, and I cannot do this anymore. I think I am falling for you Sam, and I know you don't feel the same way. You can't! I am such a screw up and Mercedes loves you! Anyone can see that. I just wanted you to know that."

My brain was processing information at a rapid rate. Blaine can't leave. He is falling for me? My heart leapt in my chest. Blaine was inches from his car door before I snapped back to reality.

I wasn't thinking. I started to run up to him. "Blaine!"

He turned around, tears pouring down his face and they were my fault. I reached him and wiped his face. "Goodbye, Sam."

I grabbed his wrist as he went to open the car door and spun him back around to face me. The moonlight was coming through the trees onto us and I realized how beautiful Blaine really is.

I gently grabbed his face and kissed him. Electricity shot through my body, there is no better explanation. The kiss only lasted a few seconds but the flood gates were fully open now. Blaine was leaving, and I couldn't allow that.

I pulled away and he was shocked. I sat us down next to his car and for the next several minutes neither of us said anything. I just held him, yet this time I was the one crying.

"Blaine. I don't want you to leave. But..."

"Stop. I know. You really love Mercedes. I get it. You aren't gay Sam, I know that. I have always known that. I couldn't help how I felt about you though."

"It wasn't a bad kiss, ya know..."

We sat there for a little while longer before we had to part for the night. When I get to school in the morning I am excited to see Blaine. That, at the very least, means he didn't take his papers to Dalton this morning and that I have time to change his mind.

"Blaine! What are you doing tonight?" I chase him down the hallway and catch him as he is about to enter his class.

"Hey Sam. Nothing special. My parents have some dinner to go to and I have a paper to work on."

"Mind if I come over for a little bit?"

This was the start of our rekindling of our relationship. I hung out with Blaine AND Mercedes almost every day since that night outside our house.

I never let on to how much I was hanging out with Blaine to Mercedes. We hung out as a group more often now, but I was starting to head to Blaine's more then Mercedes' house.

One night at Blaine's everything changed. His parent's were out of town again and Mercedes was feeling a bit sick so she canceled on us last minute. Blaine was already making dinner before we found out so I thought it rude to not go and share it with him.

Truth was I was happy every time Mercedes wasn't able to hang out. It eased my guilt when I gave her the option and she said no. Nothing has happened with Blaine and I since that kiss at the car, but being affectionate with Mercedes wasn't having the same impact it always had on me.

"So, how are you and Mercedes? I'm sorry she wasn't feeling well and couldn't come tonight."

"We are ok. I am going to take her some soup later I think."

"Sounds good. I had rented a movie to watch tonight if you want to come back over when you are done at her house?"

"Sure!" I was done eating and ran by a local restaurant to pick up some soup and crackers and a few magazines for Mercedes to read while she was on bed rest.

I got to her house and she was sitting on the couch about to start a movie. "I brought you some soup and some gossip! Did you know that Kim Kardashian had ass implants!"

She laughed. A noise I loved. "Thanks so much Sam!"

She dug into the soup immediately and we talked for a bit. I kept wandering off in my mind towards Blaine though. He made a great dinner. I wonder what movie he got? Maybe I should pick up a desert before I head back over there?

"Do you want to stay and watch Hairspray with me? I can't really sleep and I've wanted to see this since we sang You Can't Stop The beat earlier this year in glee."

"Oh, no I'm sorry Mercedes. I am not really in the mood for a movie." I already was ok with lying to her?

"Ok, let's just talk then. Thanks again for the soup." She looked hurt and I felt bad.

"Actually I think I'm gonna go. I hope you feel better though. Call me if you need anything." I put her disappointment out of mind as I drove back to Blaine's.

"Welcome back! I just made some cookies, do you want some? Not home made though, I must admit. Just the frozen cookie dough."

"Definitely, thanks! So, what movie did you get?"

"I actually got two. I have Inception and Midnight in Paris."

"I've already seen Inception, let's watch the other one."

We settled in for the movie and started on opposite sides of the couch. Halfway through I was lying down with my head on a pillow on Blaine's leg. We chatted and joked around throughout the movie, which was actually quite good.

When the film ended, I do not know. I had fallen asleep at some point, but was awakened to a rustling around me. I started to drift back asleep almost immediately, but not before I felt Blaine put a blanket over me and whisper something towards me.

"Goodnight Sam. I think I love you."


	5. A Step Too Far

**Thanks again for the reviews and keep em coming! Just as Glee does tribute episodes, this is a tribute episode of sorts even though I didn't originally see it that way. Think of it more as the song was the inspiration for this style in the chapter and I honestly don't know how well it turned out. I just hope it isn't a total failure. haha. There are a few different things about this episode that I wanted to play around with so really tell me how you feel. **

**The song comes from one of my favorite musicals of all time, Aida, and the story of 3 characters will coincide with the song and these characters thoughts about the situation going on around them. There is a part of the song where all 3 sing at once in counterpoint style and I had no idea how to get that across other than the stupid way I did it here so sorry about that. I strongly encourage you to listen to the song before or when you get to the part in the story because its amazing and it might be easier to understand that part of the song.**

****Sorry for everyone who got that chapter 5 was posted when it wasn't. Technically it was but I did something stupid with the format somehow and it posted like a mess. So here it is fixed!****

**A Step To Far - Original Broadway Cast of Aida - Sherie Rene Scott, Adam Pascal, Heather Headley.**

**Stop Crying Your Heart Out: Chapter 5**

**(Blaine)**

It is pouring rain out and I am lost in thought staring out the window. What is going on here? Why is my heart rushing straight towards a situation that is going to hurt me again? All would have been ok if he didn't kiss me. I would have gotten over it and moved on.

But he did. I still don't know what that means. It has been weeks since that kiss but nothing even remotely affectionate has happened since. At least nothing that we hadn't done before the kiss anyways. We have morphed into a comfortable routine of hanging out and finally really getting to know each other. More and more each day I find leaving McKinley harder to accept. I still feel bad that I haven't told Sam about Dalton.

All my paperwork was turned in and I only had a few weeks left to turn in payment and secure my spot there next year. I realize that I really don't want to leave, but I cannot figure out how else to separate myself from Sam. My feelings only grow stronger and even though he knows about them, the topic never comes up. It's not like I haven't thought about attempting to talk to him. I think about it all the time, but deep down I am afraid the topic will cause him to retreat from me again, and I don't want that.

We talk about everything. I feel like I know him more then any other person and I think I have shared just as much about myself with Sam. Even with how open we have been with each other, I have noticed how conflicted Sam is all the time and how he tries to keep it from everyone. He hides behind a smile that may convince everyone else, but not me, or Mercedes as a matter of fact. I cannot for the life me figure out what is hurting him so that he can neither talk to me or Mercedes about it though.

As for me, it turns out I am not strong enough to pull myself away from him when I see him every day. Even when we weren't talking I still found myself fixated on him and I could not fathom leaving now that we are hanging out so often. We have worked ourselves into an extremely comfortable friendship and even that is something I do not want to lose. As odd a situation as this is, will anything at Dalton be as amazing as the relationships that have come my way this past month?

Can I settle on just being friends with him? So many emotions course through my body when he is around. I feel safe and loved and hopeful. With such amazing emotions around, it is easy to try and forget or hide the bad ones, but they are there too. Fear, loneliness, guilt, envy. They always find their way into my being when he is around and fuel my desire to escape this place. Escaping, after all, would be the easiest thing, but I always return to the same question. Will I be happy?

Fact is, I know he is straight. What straight man would have kissed me after I said I had feelings for him though? The thing actually keeping me here, keeping me from sending that money to Dalton and finally securing my old life back, was that lingering feeling that there is something there and that the fact may not be so true after all.

The lingering question of my happiness though still stands. What will come first: Will I get over these feelings and be happy to have just an amazing friend, or will Sam realize that what I feel for him he also feels for me? What am I expecting? Will he suddenly declare his love for a man and come rushing to my side ready to shout from the rooftops? The thought has me chuckling at myself, because it is truly insane.

If he has any feeling for me, I know how frightening it must be and how unsure of himself he will be. If he truly has always identified himself as a straight man, this is so new that he can hardly be blamed for his reactions. He is always so comfortable around me though that I cannot honestly believe that he feels nothing. I am not a fan of forcing someone to do anything they aren't ready for or do not want to do, but my future is dependant on finding out what, if anything, Sam and I are to be: Friends, lovers, or nothing.

Out of all of this, the one thing I know is that I am betraying myself by wanting something more from him. I am asking for heart break and I do not know if I can handle that again. Not only am I betraying myself, but Sam also for putting him in this position and Mercedes, who over the past weeks has become such an incredible friend in her own right. My heart seems intent on making things difficult for me, and however much I know I want this, want him, the basic fears of the future are always haunting around the corner.

The scary, mind wrenching part is that we never discussed that kiss, that amazing kiss. We pretended from that moment on that nothing had ever happened, and it is tearing me up inside. I know Sam has to be thinking about it as much as me. There was something there, behind that kiss. At least I felt it. I know there is no way he told Mercedes it happened and it would break her heart to find out about it. As time goes on I have formed 2 logical camps of thought about it in my own head as to why he will not talk about it. One being he did it to cheer me up and it really meant nothing that he could forget about the next day, and the other because he actually has feelings for me and in that moment he knew he had to express them, which now scare him so bad he is suppressing it.

The original mistake was telling him I felt anything for him at all. My feelings for him are going to end up hurting more then just me, but I know I couldn't leave without telling him how I feel, so I cannot regret it. My biggest fear, that revealing that would scare him away, turned out to be unwarranted. Mercedes and Sam are the most important people in my life now though, and telling him I was falling for him could still ruin it all. Revealing that may have been a step too far.

**(Sam) **

My mind is a jumbled mess. I just hung up with Mercedes and I know we are heading in the wrong direction. Graduation is in a few weeks and I am realizing that I am not in this as much as I used to be. If we are going to continue I have to change, cause Mercedes is still as perfect as ever.

I don't know why I feel so distant from her lately. We always have fun together, and when I look at her I know I love her, but we have come to a point where nothing seems to be igniting that spark like we always felt being together. The guilt was too much now and it was driving a pain through my soul.

She tells me she loves me and I can't bring myself to say it back anymore. She has to notice. I have been putting on a brave face for the past few weeks, but I am a mess. Everything in my life has always had an easy answer. When we lost our home, I went to work. It was hard work, but I knew the solution. It was obvious.

I was always the one being hurt though, so knowing I was on the other side was killing me. I kissed Blaine. I did to Mercedes what she did to Shane and what she tore Kurt up over for Blaine's sake! This wasn't something that could be talked out over dinner and gone the next day.

This was a disaster, and it is my fault. I have to get out of this house. I grab an umbrella and head out the door. Being outside, a part of nature, has always had a soothing effect on me. I needed the world's guidance today, and more specifically God's guidance, and being outdoors helped me feel closer to him.

I passed through the neighborhood until I reached the park. There was a runners pass through the trees and around the small lake that I decided to walk. My mind quickly went to the dilemma at hand. Blaine was being unnaturally patient with me. After he told me how he felt about me and that he was going to leave, I did whatever I could to convince him to stay.

It was selfish and wrong and probably will destroy the best relationship I have ever had, but I still didn't know the real reason I kissed him. Blaine hadn't ever brought it up and I was grateful to him for that even though sometimes I could see he wanted to. I thought all I wanted was to be the best friend I could be and that was enough. Actually, I was certain that was enough, but I couldn't get that kiss out of my head.

Keeping my distance from him was a bad choice. I was messing everything up and I wasn't able to find a balance of keeping Mercedes happy while being happy with her and keeping Blaine happy and being happy about it myself. Blaine just went through hell, and even though he was being strong, I basically was a cracked support beam. I had a little residual support left in me, but eventually I couldn't help no longer and the collapse came.

I have to honestly and accurately evaluate my options the best I can. How would Mercedes and I be without Blaine in the picture? Well, I tried that already and I spent most of my time worried about him and wondering if I was doing the right thing. Everything we did while I was staying away from Blaine was always filled with a bit of worry and guilt.

How would life be without Mercedes? That is when these past weeks hit me full force. I guess I knew what I was doing, but until I stopped and thought about it all it wasn't that obvious to me. Mercedes was sick and I went to watch a movie with Blaine instead of staying to watch one with her. Mercedes invited me for coffee and I invited Blaine along not knowing she wanted to be alone. I was making plans with Blaine and not thinking about Mercedes when I did so.

I feel terrible. This wasn't how this was supposed to turn out. This isn't the kind of person I want to be. She was my girlfriend and choosing another person over her as often as I have with Blaine recently was one of the worst things I have ever done. Everything was looking up for Mercedes and here I am ignoring her for another person, a guy in fact, who I honestly wasn't sure I was anything more that infatuated with.

That is the truth about it. I have never been into guys. I never even thought about it. Something about Blaine,however, has me standing in the rain evaluating the best thing that has happened to me. I have no idea how anything with Blaine could turn out. What if my feelings for Blaine aren't anything more then severe and sincere concern?

It is increasingly apparent that a lot of my actions since Blaine and Kurt broke up have led to Blaine's feelings towards me. I am responsible for it all. The holding hands, the cuddling in bed, the kiss! In my head it was all to cheer him up, to help him get through, but maybe it was more? I had thought this before, but I always dismissed it as purely concern. It was a though that crept back into my head far too often now though to be overlooked.

Thinking back to that night I spent at his house, I smile. He cried himself to sleep and I felt so bad for him, but was happy I was able to help. That was the first time I was confused by how I felt for him. I wasn't in deep yet though, so I asked God for a sign and that night I thought I received it. After Blaine had fallen asleep I got a text from Mercedes asking me to come over and I knew that was my sign. I knew what I thought I felt for Blaine was just a misunderstanding and that Mercedes was who I was meant to be with. I left almost immediately in the morning and never looked back, until he said he was leaving.

That sign, was it what I should do, or did I miss something? Everything is pointing towards Blaine and away from Mercedes though, and maybe the journey is what is important? What if there is no clear cut sign? What if I was led to Mercedes to get to this point. If all of this was the plan, then it was poorly designed. I have done so wrong to both Blaine and Mercedes and all I am left with is confusion.

Nothing makes sense to me any more, but as I make my way to the bridge I stop and try to clear my head. What do I want? Is trying something with Blaine what I want? When I heard Blaine say he might love me when he thought I was asleep, I felt a kind of happiness like I never had before. That one kiss was like opening a door that was never even looked at, let alone opened in my heart. There was a story there still untold. There was a match waiting to ignite a new flame. It scared me to death.

I have to tell Mercedes what happened either way, but will she want to be with me after she knows? Do I deserve forgiveness, or another chance? I know if anyone is capable of forgiving it is Mercedes, but she deserves more then me. She really is the beautiful person everyone knows her as, and she will find success in all aspect of her life, but I don't think I am capable of fulfilling the love part of her life any more.

I look down into the water and look into my future. It can be whatever I make of it, right? Blaine would be there for me forever, I know that. A smile spreads across my face and through it all, I know that having Blaine in my life is the most important thing to me right now, no matter the level of relationship.

I must make a real effort to decipher exactly how I feel about him and soon, because the path I am following now will leave me alone and lead me to losing the two most important people in my life. How everything turned to chaos I will never know.

**(Mercedes)**

Love has always been a mystery to me. I always focus on what I don't have, so this past year when I found it, not only once, but twice, I was so sure I would mess it up. Well, predict your self destructive ways and they are sure to come true.

When Sam left Lima, I was devastated. Finally someone had shown an interest in me and life tore us apart. I denied our relationship for a long time and had even managed to convince myself it wasn't a real thing. Everyone would ask me what we had and I would always blow it off as a little fling. I felt much more then that about him though, but lying about it was the only thing that kept the emptiness from dragging me down. Then Shane came along and I finally was able to move on.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, I don't really know, Sam came back and I was lost. I cared for Shane, but love? No, I wasn't there yet. He loved me though. That I knew. Sam though. Sam was like the sun rising on a new day. Opportunities I never thought I would have were presenting themselves and I was denied accessing them.

I wasn't unhappy with Shane, but when Sam came back I was a brighter person. I fought the feelings, even directed a lot of them towards Shane which helped me stay on track. Sam was persistent though, and I knew after that kiss in the auditorium that nothing would be the same. He rarely left my mind then and that is when I knew I had to tell Shane.

He was devastated, and I was left with a strong hatred for myself that I still haven't forgiven. I know I am a good person, but that part of me, that wrong decision will haunt me for the rest of my life. I kept Sam away from me then. I felt like I didn't know myself and turning that uncertainty on him seemed like such a crime.

Eventually my heart got the better of me and I gave in. It was one of the best decisions of my life. Things haven't been easy for us, but we were getting through it and we both were happy, or so I thought. Now, here I am again, in the midst of love, only this time Sam is distant from me. I don't know why. We have spent almost all of our time together over the last few months and everything has been great. I am noticing now how even when we are having a great time he isn't always connected to me.

I was so happy to have him when Kurt and I fell out. That is a relationship I hope to fix one day, but in just a few weeks we will go our own ways, and leaving on bad terms is like a friendship death warrant. Still, I don't like who Kurt is right now and I am glad I have Sam to be everything for me.

Only now that ship is sailing too, and I don't know why. Sam, Tina, Mike, Blaine, Rory, and I, we have been a pretty close knit group since the Klaine explosion, and I love them all, but just one of those has the impact on me that I need.

I just spoke to Sam, tried to get him to reveal why he has been so strange lately, and he says everything is fine. When we are together he puts on such a mask, but looking into the eyes of someone you love is all the insight you need to know something isn't ok.

On the phone you can hear the emotion let out a little bit in his voice. He isn't convincing me he is fine, he is just scaring me. I cannot think of anything that has happened that would influence this change and him, and the only factor that has changed in his life has been me.

I start to cry. What if I am making him unhappy? It's true we have fun together, and we talk about almost everything. Our friends are all close and we are consistently on good terms. We haven't even had a fight yet!

Whatever pain is causing him to be this way, Blaine sees it to. We have been talking a lot lately, and I get to confide in him about so much. When he is with us, all we see is pain behind the well built wall we all stand on the other side of. He is no longer ever actually with us. It hurts Blaine as much as it hurts me. We haven't talked about it, but I can see it clear as day. I know he cares deeply for Sam, maybe even has real romantic feelings for him. It must hurt him too, knowing there is nothing he can do. Both of us still try hard to brighten his life up though.

Sometimes I see glimpses of light when we all hang out together, but it is usually gone pretty quickly. The only thing I know for sure is that I am no longer the center of his attention, and it hurts. I know he needs my help, but he won't ask for it or accept it when offered and I don't know what else to do.

I know he is pulling away, but I don't know why. I want him to be happy. That is all I truly want. I get to go off and start an amazing career and I want to know that when I leave, he is happy with me, or happy without me if it has to be that way.

I shift through my iPod, knowing music always makes me fell better, and land on a musical Rachel gave me, Aida. I select it and listen along for a while. One of my favorite songs comes on and I start to sing along.

_It's so strange he doesn't show me _  
_More affection than he needs _  
_Almost formal too respectful _  
_Never takes romantic leads _  
_There are times when I imagine _  
_I'm not always on his mind _  
_He's not thinking what I'm thinking _  
_Always half a step behind _  
_Always half a step behind_

_Oh,oh,oh,oh_  
_Oh,oh,oh,oh _  
_Oh,oh,oh,oh_

I shoot up into a sitting position as realization comes over me. Oh my gosh, Sam has feelings for Blaine too...

**(Sam)**  
I am standing on the bridge overlooking the park soaking wet in the rain, trying to listen to my heart and figure out what I really want. I close my eyes, clear my head and wait for an answer. Blaine. What I really want is Blaine. I open my eyes and am amazed at how the heaviness in my heart seems lighter. It isn't completely gone, because there is still pain. What hurt's the most is knowing I will hurt Mercedes, because I love her too and she doesn't derve this.

_I'm in every kind of trouble _  
_Can't you tell, just look at me _  
_Half ecstatic, half dejected _  
_All in all I'm all at sea _  
_Easy terms I thought I wanted _  
_Fill me now with chilling dread _  
_You could never know the chaos _  
_Of a life turned on its head _  
_Of a life turned on its head_

_Oh,oh,oh,oh_

**(Sam) (Mercedes)**  
_Oh,oh,oh,oh _  
_Oh,oh,oh,oh_  
_Oh,oh,oh,oh_

**(Blaine)**  
I know how I feel, but is this too much? I stare out the window watching the rain and all I can think of is what a mess this can become.

_I am certain that I love him _  
_But a love can be misplaced _  
_Have I compromised my people _  
_In my passion and my haste? _  
_I could be his life companion _  
_Anywhere but where we are _  
_Am I leader? Am I traitor? _  
_Did I take a step too far?_  
_Did I take a step too far?_

**(All 3 in unison)  
(Mercedes)**  
_It's so strange he doesn't show me_  
_More affection than he needs_  
_Almost formal too respectful _  
_Never takes romantic leads _  
_There are times when I imagine_  
_I'm not always on his mind_  
_He's not thinking what I'm thinking_  
_Always half a step behind_  
_Always half a step behind_

**(Sam)**_____  
I'm in every kind of trouble _  
_Can't you tell, just look at me _  
_Half ecstatic, half dejected _  
_All in all I'm all at sea _  
_Easy terms I thought I wanted _  
_Fill me now with chilling dread _  
_You could never know the chaos _  
_Of a life turned on its head _  
_Of a life turned on its head_

**(Blaine)**___  
I am certain that I love him _  
_But a love can be misplaced _  
_Have I compromised my people _  
_In my passion and my haste? _  
_I could be his life companion _  
_Anywhere but where we are _  
_Am I leader? Am I traitor? _  
_Did I take a step too far?_  
_Did I take a step too far?_  


**(Blaine)**  
_Oh,oh,oh,oh_

**(Blaine)(Sam)**  
_Oh,oh,oh,oh_

**(Blaine)(Sam)(Mercedes)**  
_Oh,oh,oh,oh _  
_Oh,oh,oh,oh _  
_Oh,oh,oh,oh _  
_Oh,oh,oh,oh _  
_Oh,oh,oh,oh _  
_Did I take a step too far?_

**(Blaine)**

I have to be strong. Sam must know what my plan is. Is it selfish to put this burden on him? Probably, but I cannot stop my life for him when there is no answers coming my way. I will ask him to make a choice, and I will move on from there. Whether I stay here or go to Dalton doesn't hinge on him leaving Mercedes for me, but rather knowing once and for all where we stand together, and what our relationship is capable of becoming.

I left the window and sat down on my bed. I already had a bad feeling about the choice I have made as is sounds too much like an ultimatum, but I know there is no other way. I laid back and covered my face with my pillow before I heard the familiar buzz of my phone on the desk. I got up and walked to my phone, taking a moment one more time to glance out the window as lightning struck down outside. I tapped the screen and there sat a text message from Sam from just a few minutes ago. I guess this would happen sooner rather then later.

"Blaine, we need to talk."


	6. Smile

**This is the last chapter I have pre-written, so they will come a little less frequently now. I have the next few mapped out but have no real time off until next week. I will try to be fast! Sorry! Hope you enjoy!**

**Smile - Lonestar**

**Stop Crying Your Heart Out: Chapter 6**

**(Sam)**

Graduation was in 3 days. For the most part, everyone had come together again and we were a family once more. There were 2 exceptions, of course. Kurt and Blaine still were not speaking. They rarely even looked at each other. The other was Mercedes and I.

As predicted, she was devestated. Her face when I told her is burned into my eyelids, and I will never forget it...

**(2 weeks earlier: Sam)**

As I walked towards her door, nothing could stop all the emotions from coming to me. I knew what I was about to do, and even though I was almost certain of what I wanted, I was also positive that I didn't want to hurt her as I was about to.

That is wrong, though, as I already hurt her and she just didn't know yet. Is there any chance of leaving here with her as a friend? I doubt it, and I am fighting back tears before the conversation even starts.

I am positive that I want to see what can happen with Blaine. My heart is torn, but is so clearly tugging more in his direction. Knowing that she feels so strongly for me just makes me want to run right out the door and never reveal what I have done.

I muster the strength and finally make it up to her room with her. She instantly knows something is wrong and any chance for delaying this is gone.

"Sam, what is going on? What's wrong?" I sigh and bow my head, rubbing my eyes and willing strength to come to me. We are both silent for a little while before I look up and see the concern on her face. I have to do this.

"Mercedes." Another pause. I sigh again. This is harder then I ever thought it would be. "I don't know what to say."

"Just talk to me, Sam. I can't help if I don't know what is wrong. You have been different for a while now and you can't hide it from me any longer."

"I know, but that is what I want to do. I just want to hide. I need to escape."

"That does nothing Sam. Talk to me, please?"

"Um, ok. Mercedes, I have been distracted a lot lately. You and Blaine have both called me out on it and I haven't been able to talk about it. I owe you so much, and I cannot expect you to forgive me, but I still can't find the strength to say it out loud, especially to you."

"Wait, Sam. Stop. I know, ok?"

"Y...You do?" I was stunned. Fear came rushing over me. I was hear to do this, why I am so scared?

"It took me a while to see it, but it clicked for me the other night while I was listening to some tunes. Blaine has feelings for you. I know. What I finally realized is that you feel something for him too, don't you?"

I had no clue what to say. This was obviously going to come out with what I had to say, but I could barely make it to this point. She was being so uncharacteristically calm. Her face showed understanding, maybe even sympathy, but the worst of it hadn't come yet, and it was now or never.

"That isn't all, Mercedes. I..." Ugh, what is wrong with me? Get it together and do this already. "I kissed him, and have been hanging out with him a lot since then."

"What...?" Shock turned to anger and then to sadness. All emotions rushed at once. I instinctively moved to wrap my arms around her but she put her hand out and stopped me. I knew this wouldn't go well, but she deserved my full honesty in spite of how much it hurt me to give it to her.

"I am so so sorry, Mercedes. I swear nothing has happened since that kiss. Nothing. The guilt has been killing me. I didn't even realize why I did it when I did. I just wanted him to stay and it was the only way I could think of to show him. It was a huge mistake and I still love you and..."

"Stop, just go." I had no choice. I knew this was probably what was going to happen, but even still my heart was breaking. I couldn't expect her to forgive me. That was just selfish. I really did love her, just not they way I should. Not the way she loved me. I made my way to the door and stopped.

"Before I go, you need to know that this is the biggest mistake I have ever made. Blaine had no part in it. He never made a move on me. Please do not hate him. This is new to me, and I am so scared. I have never felt this way in my life. Please keep this to yourself. I know I don't deserve it, but please. I love you, Mercedes. The music world is lucky to have you." And with that I was out the door, the sobs behind me breaking my heart more and more with each step.

**(2 weeks earlier: Blaine)**

Sam had left here and was on his way over to Mercedes house. This was an overwhelming day. I had no idea how it was going to turn out, but this was far from what I truly hoped, and so much more then I could have expected.

My talk with Sam was heartbreaking. I finally saw in full detail the pain inside him, and that I was contributing to it was upsetting. I keep assuring myself that I do not regret my actions, but seeing someone in such pain is an easy way to introduce doubt.

He was going to tell Mercedes about the kiss. He finally wanted to talk about it, and I was glad the topic was finally seeing some light. I told him of how often I went back to that night, and how often I wished to assure him it was all ok.

I finally told him about Dalton. He seemed hurt but not actually surprised. The truth was I abandoned my ultimatum idea earlier on in the day. I knew it wasn't fair to him, and lately, with Sam and Mercedes help, I truly have been starting to see that running wasn't the option. I still knew that I had to know if there was any hope for us. I had to know, one way or the other, so I could move on, because I finally felt like I could.

I was very aware that if he chose Mercedes, he and I would have to take a step back from our friendship for a while. He tried to argue that he could be friends with me while he dated Mercedes, but the conflict in his heart between the two of us was too obvious now, and he had to make a choice. He had to tell me what my chances were. Unfortunately he refused to do so.

He wanted to talk to Mercedes first. He needed to be fair and honest with her, and I felt stupid for not taking her into consideration with this. I agreed, and we decided all choices needed to be made with everything out in the open, at least between the three of us.

I was not expecting the next admission though. He admitted just how often I had been on his mind. Sam told me that I was way too important to him for him to let me go. He admitted that he was terrified of how he felt about me. He realized that he wanted to see where things could go, but it all seemed too much.

He knew what was coming with Mercedes. I know he loves her. Anyone who watches him as much as I do can see what he feels for her. I know this can't be easy, but a small part of me is happy with his confession. I am scolding myself for feeling that bit of joy, because it comes at such a high cost; the severe pain of the two people closest to me.

McKinley, at least, wasn't so scary anymore. I spent a great deal of time looking at the school as the source of my problems, and that was just a convenient way for me not to blame Kurt who will always be an important part of my history. I was a mess behind the scenes, and trying to declare my strength worked for a little bit, but it never really stuck. Because of Kurt, I thought love only had one shade, romantic, and wasn't prepared for the other forms of love that could come my way from Mercedes and Sam. Their friendship helped point me in the right direction. Kurt was a thing of the past, and each and every day his effect on me was waning.

As for Sam, there was no pain between us. I knew now that there is a possibility for us to grow into something, but if he were to choose Mercedes tonight, I was prepared to let him go that way. The only difference now was that I would be there next year and we would have a chance as friends.

A little over an hour after Sam has left my phone rings and I pick it up without looking, just expecting it to be Sam.

"Hello?" All I hear on the other end is crying and I pull the phone back to look at the name. Mercedes. I was so self obsessed that I never even though about her wanting to talk to me. I had no idea what to say. "Mercedes? I am so sorry..."

"No. Blaine no. Just tell me one thing. Did you push him to this?"

"I...no. I don't think so. Maybe? Ugh, I don't know. Maybe if I never told him how I felt about him..."

"Ok. Bye Blaine."

Just as Mercedes hung up on me there was a knock on the front door. I just wanted to scream and I couldn't now. I ran downstairs and threw open the door to find Sam, broken and distraught sitting against the front of my house.

Without saying anything I get him to his feet and walk him up to my room. He lets me guide him up and onto the bed where he flops down face first into my pillow and just cries. I sit down next to him and for the next 10 minutes just let him release some of this pain. When the crying starts to subdue I ask my first question.

"Sam. What can I do?" He turns his head and looks at me and the pain in his eyes hits me like an avalanche.

"Just stay here." It is all he says to me for the next few hours. I never leave his side, even when he falls asleep. I lie awake next to him just thinking of what I can say when he is ready to talk. By now the fact that Mercedes and him had little chance at even friendship was evident, but he suspected that outcome before he left here. When he finally wakes up he says nothing, but just rolls closer to me and lays his head on my chest.

"Hey, Sam. How are you doing?"

"All I have ever known about myself is shattered and gone. What kind of person am I?" I don't like seeing him like this. I don't like him looking at himself so harshly. Why doesn't he see his strength? His integrity outshines that of most beings and the love he feels for people is unmatched. Why doesn't he see all that is good about him? I am an idiot. Why am I not telling him?

"Sam. Few people would ever take the high road like you have. Few people would react to this drastic change with as much integrity and honesty as you have. I know you only see the bad in yourself right now, but trust me when I say that the good in you is far better then any bad you think you see. You helped me see that in myself. Try and see it for you now."

A hint of a smile appears. He only closes his eyes and after a few minutes drifts off again, saying nothing more. This time I lay him down and go to my desk. I type up an apology to Mercedes and speak mostly of my part in this. She deserves to hear my side of this story, and how I will be here for her if she needs it. I also ask her to keep Sam's secret for him. Neither of us know where this will go, and Sam will need space and a sense of normalcy to come to terms with what he wants.

I realize that through all of this, him wanting me could change. That is an outcome I am now willing to risk. I have been the epitome of a basket case, and it is finally my turn to help repay them any way I can. My part in this is obvious, and the guilt over it is growing by the second, but I used to be the guy with all the answers. Maybe I can be that again.

I send the e-mail and turn to find Sam awake and sitting up and just watching me. For the first time in a long time there is no emotion on his face. There is a blank slate and it worries me. He is deep in thought and doesn't even seem to notice that I see him.

"Sam?" He snaps out of it and turns slightly to look at me. A slight smile flashes across his face and is gone as quickly as it came.

"I can't be more then friends with you Blaine. Not yet. I didn't know how much losing Mercedes was going to hurt. I need some time to..." He trailed off but he didn't need to say any more.

"Sam. It's ok. I am just a friend wanting to help."

"My best friend."

"And don't you forget it! Anyway...is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Let's just watch some TV."

It was a few days before Sam started to show signs of his old self, but it eventually came out that he didn't know what he would so without at least knowing Mercedes would be ok. He didn't ask for forgiveness, but I knew it hurt him that he thought he would never get it.

Mercedes hasn't spoken to me much either, although we do occasionally talk in school, which is more then I can say about her and Sam. I don't risk bringing it up because I know she is hurting as well, and it might only make it worse.

**(Back to present: Sam)**

It was the last glee club meeting of the year. The last ever for some of the people in here and it was, all things considered, a really fun event.

Most of us had performed in some capacity for the people staying or leaving. Kurt had just finished performing an emotion fueled cover of Katy Perry's Part of Me that had a few of us holding back laughter. He was still trying to make Blaine out to be the bad guy, but Blaine didn't really care anymore.

Blaine and I had been hanging out alone pretty much since Mercedes and I broke up. We saw are friends enough, but he was really the only person I wanted to be around lately. I had definitely retreated a bit though. All of the things I could do comfortably with him while I was with Mercedes, like holding his hand or cuddling with him during a movie, now always filled me with fear.

It was like Mercedes was my safety net. If anyone questioned me, I could always fall back on my relationship with her. Now that that was over, I was being a coward and I knew it. The fact was that if rumors were going to start, they would start without anyone knowing what we did behind closed doors. Denying any of that interaction let me honestly deny it all if the idea ever came up.

It never did come up though, at least it was never brought to our attention. Our friends never indicated they thought something was going on. Mike and Tina had told me how happy they were Blaine was helping deal with everything. Mike even offered to let me come up and help me meet some girls when he got to Chicago. So if they had any idea, they had a large plan to avoid letting on.

My feelings for Blaine were obvious to me, but I was holding back even from him. I am not ready to be questioned by the world. I am not ready for the looks and the judgement. I've seen how gays have been treated, and I could honestly say I wasn't even gay. I had accepted that I wasn't straight, but my attraction to women was never a lie. Sometimes though, it seems labeling yourself as bisexual draws more judgement then being one or the other.

So yes, I was cowering in fear. It was sad. Blaine was being patient however. Knowing he wasn't leaving was a relief, but in some ways I think if he did go it would have been easier. I have to scold myself every time I think that because I know that isn't what I want. If i don't muster up some strength though his patience could eventually end and someone else could come into his life and take my spot.

See. There it is again. "My" spot. I can't even admit to him that I want to be with him but I lay claim to it at the same time. Among all of this, I still see Mercedes and hurt with each glance and each time I cannot just say hi.

I've gotten from Tina and sometimes Blaine that she was busy working on her voice and trying out a lot of different vocal styles to be more versatile when she finally got to LA. She now had a contract to sing back up vocals for a label and was looking to do whatever she could to impress the people there. The only time I had spoken to her since the break up was when she announced the contract, and I told her how truly happy for her I was. She thanked me, but that was all.

Now, the last day of Glee, she is standing up and moving over to the piano. The last time we will get to hear her sing before she ends up on a record. I was going to cherish this.

"Everyone, I have to say how much I am going to miss all of you. We have been the biggest group of dysfunction I have ever seen, but I wouldn't change any of it." We all laughed. it was true, and it was what made us who we were as a group.

"These last few weeks have been a little difficult, but I can't leave here holding on to this pain. The truth is, I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and any part in God's plan that I play I am honored to do. So this song is for all the problems and pain we have all shared. It is for all of you, but especially Sam. Thank you."

I was shocked. She smiled at me and I just stared back at her as the piano began to sound.

_I still remember the night we met  
You said you loved my smile  
But your love was like a summer breeze  
Oh it lasted for a while  
I could hold on a little tighter I know  
But when you love someone you gotta let 'em go so _

_I'm gonna smile 'cause I want to make you happy  
Laugh so you can't see me cry  
I'm gonna let you go in style  
And even if it kills me  
I'm gonna smile_

She spent a lot of the time singing to the group, but each word was hitting me full force and I was tearing up.

_Kiss me once for the good times baby  
Kiss me twice for goodbye  
You can't help what you don't feel  
And it doesn't matter why  
Give me a chance to bow out gracefully  
Because that's how I want you to remember me _

_I'm gonna smile, 'cause I want to make you happy  
Laugh, so you can't see me cry  
I'm gonna let you go in style  
And even if it kills me  
I'm gonna smile _

The next line she was staring into my eyes and it sent shivers down my spine.

_I'm gonna smile __**so you can find the courage **__  
Laugh, so you won't see me hurtin'  
I'm gonna let you go in style  
And even if it kills me  
I'm gonna smile_

The performance ends and everyone is clapping. I feel a hand on my shoulder and look back to see Blaine smiling at me and motioning for me to go up to her. I wiped my eyes and stood up as she approached me.

"Thank you, Mercedes."

"Come on, Sam, let's talk." We walked out of the room as Tina and Mike started a duet of Boys Like Girls and Taylor Swift's "Two is Better Then One." Mercedes closes the door and turns around to face me.

"You don't know how much I just wanted to know you were ok."

"I am fine, Sam. It took me a little while to realize it, but I want you to be happy. The truth is I am leaving here in a week, and I don't know when I'll ever be back. I care about you a lot Sam, but if you don't love me I don't want to be one of those people that hurts other because I am hurt."

"I don't know what to say."

"You don't owe me anything Sam. You were honest with me which is all I could have asked for. But you know this isn't going to be easy for you?"

"I don't think I deserve easy. It's ok though."

"No, it's not ok. You deserve happiness, and I will be here for you. I needed time when I first found out. I didn't know how to react. Even harder was that I couldn't talk about why to anyone becuase I loved you too much to say anything that you weren't ready to tell others.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, and that's fine, but Blaine is waiting for you. He is a great guy. Don't let him go. I know it is strange new territory, but your heart is the biggest I have ever known Sam, and you have room for him. Find strength in your bond with him, and look to your friends to reinforce it. You must find the strength to accept how you feel for him before it is too late.

"I know Christians don't always fall on the supportive side of this, but I believe in love for every person, not matter their differences. God will help you, if you need it, but so will your friends. Don't be afraid to call on them."

With that Mercedes kissed me one last time. Her friendship never occurred to me as possible, but she was right in feeding off the strength of your friends. I could feel it now in her presence and I knew things, no matter how hard, would always have some resolution within reach with a little help.

She walked back into the choir room and I sat down in the hallway and cried. For the first time in weeks though, these were happy tears. Mercedes support was almost enough to push me into Blaine's arms right now. I honestly am not ready for that quite yet though, but my path is finally clear. The roadblock that was my love for Mercedes was finally cleared, and the next exit was the start of something new, and scary, and filled with so much potential.

I stand up, wipe my eyes, and turn back into the choir room. Mercedes and Blaine are sitting next to each other laughing, and everything feels right for the first time in months.


	7. Come So Far Got So Far To Go

**Here we go! I have up through chapter 9 currently mapped out and in progress. I hope to have them all up this week. Keep the reviews coming, please! I started this with the idea that I was really just writing it for me, but knowing so many people are enjoying makes it so much more exciting to write for. Thanks for all the critiques and praise, I love them all. **

**Come So Far(Got So Far To Go) - Queen Latifah, Elijah Kelley, Zac Efron, Nikki Blonsky - Hairspray**

**Stop Crying Your Heart Out: Chapter 7**

**(Sam)**

We were getting ready for our graduation performance and everyone was in high spirits. Well, almost everyone. Rachel had found out she was accepted to NYADA and was on a high that made everyone her best friend when she saw them. Finn wasn't on his way to join the Actor's Studio, but he seemed ok with it. He was at least faring way better then Kurt.

Kurt wasn't accepted into NYADA. He feigned happiness for Rachel for a few days before the resentment started to boil up and the figurative foaming of the mouth began. In some way, Kurt probably was happy for Rachel. I never saw him as a truly bad guy. Among all of this, I always secretly hoped the best for him, though I would never tell Blaine that.

Some day Blaine would forgive Kurt. I knew he would, but that time was not now. Unfortunately, Kurt wasn't making it easy for anyone to stand in his corner. He was driving Rachel away and Finn had started talking to me again, a sure sign that his relationship with Kurt was strained a bit.

Mercedes has even attempted to reconcile, an act that resulted in a coffee date but no details of that were ever shared. All of these end of year celebratory emotions had me feeling good, and I decided I would take a chance, and approach Kurt as he stepped out of the choir room and into the hall. He sighed as I approached, and that should have been my first clue.

"Hey man. Long time no talk." I am trying to approach this as friendly as possible and hopefully will come away with something to show for it.

"Wonder why? What do you want, Sam?" We walked down the hall towards the bathroom and stopped just outside.

"Just checking up on you. We used to be friends, remember?"

"That was before you took Blaine's side in this. And now that we are on that topic, why did you side with him after all? I mean after your family lost everything I thought I had earned you in my corner?"

"I was never in anyone's corner, Kurt. You drew those lines, not me."

"Whatever, Sam. You think you know who your friends are and they turn from you in your moment of need. Blaine left me, remember? He would have be fine." This was done. I considered myself a patient person, but he was looking for a fight and I wasn't backing down.

"You think we didn't notice how cold you were to all of us for even talking to Blaine? You never gave anyone a chance. You lied to us all too, ya know? 'Nothing is going on with Chandler.' Yeah right, and Rachel doesn't love Finn." I scoff at the absurdity. I didn't expect to react this strongly, but I was raring to go now.

"Ya know what, Sam? You are the last person who should be lecturing me. Do you wanna talk about keeping secrets?" Fear flooded me immediately. How does he know? Did Mercedes tell him? She wouldn't... "Let's talk about how you lied to everyone for the better part of a semester about your family and the living situation?" Oh thank God. "And then about your 'job.' Don't lecture me about hiding things from people.

"Fine, I was talking to Chandler. But I wasn't looking for anything. Blaine broke my heart when he found those texts, and Chandler was there to pick up the pieces. You don't know me. You never looked for the facts. You and your tribe joined Blaine's pity party and turned him against me. So yes, we were friends once, but don't expect that to happen again. I apologized to him. He turned from me. I had a right to move on."

"That's the whole point right there though, isn't it? Blaine found the texts, you didn't tell him. Blaine was hurting, and instead of trying to work on it you went immediately, and I mean IMMEDIATELY to someone else. I was with him that day Kurt! I know you never called him. Not once. And we see you and Chandler together, laughing and having fun the day after you broke up? How can you tell me you felt anything for Blaine at all? You want to know why it was so easy to side with Blaine? Because you made those choices, and not choices that any decent human being, especially one claiming to love the other, would ever make. Goodbye Kurt. Good luck in New York. Oh, wait..." I turned and walked immediately. A part of me felt bad for that last comment, but pleasure in putting him in his place over turned any feelings of remorse. Blaine would like that one.

I don't know what I should have expected. Kurt was a good person once, maybe I expected that to be more prominent now that we were all parting ways. As I turned the corner towards the choir room, I took one last look back. Kurt was huffing and puffing in the corner and not surprisingly was on his phone with who I could only assume was Chandler, as everyone else was here in the choir room.

"Where did you go?" Blaine came up to me as soon as I entered the room.

"Oh, no where. I had a conversation that I had one last chance to have. Didn't go to well though. I fear I may have picked up on some of Santana's bitchiness." I laughed and too my surprise, Santana joined me.

"So, you put Kurt in his place Trouty Mouth? It's about time someone did." Everyone was interested now, but in all honesty I didn't want to play any part in turning people against Kurt, so I changed the subject.

"Yeah, Yeah. It's not important. You all have to walk in that auditorium in less than 30 minutes, and after Puck's Glory Days we have to do our new number. Let's run through it one more time."

"Look at you taking over glee club already. I don't think captains have been announced yet, Sam!" Rachel trotted over and if I didn't know her better I would assume she was being condescending.

"No they haven't, Rachel. But that is about to change. Rachel, Finn. Why don't you let them in on who will be the glee captains next year." Mr Shue came into the room.

"Ok. After careful consideration, we decided..." Finn ran to the drums and started a drum roll.

"...All the seniors!" Rachel jumped and clapped. "Tina will be in charge of female vocals, Blaine in charge of male vocals, Brittany in charge of choreography, Sam in charge of musical arrangements, and Artie in charge of staging!"

We all took a mock bow and promised we would keep this national title at McKinley. After all, we had a lot of shoes to fill, but we had a good group here to do it. Kurt came back into the room just as we were about to split off and head to the auditorium.

The seniors all went one way and I noticed Finn put his arm around Kurt as they turned the corner. Mr. Shue lead the rest of us to our seats in the auditorium as we waited for the ceremony to start. After a few boring speeches and some special awards, Puck and Finn started up Glory days and all the class, including our friends, made their way out.

We cheered and clapped loudest for all of our New Direction friends, even Kurt. Ok, maybe I didn't cheer for Kurt. No one would blame me.

**(Blaine)**

I knew Sam had a history with Kurt, and I knew that eventually, being the insanely good natured guy that he is, that he would try to mend that relationship with Kurt at least once before they finally separated.

I had often thought of whether I could ever have a friendship with Kurt. Most of the time, whenever I thought of him I was just finding anger or sadness, but those have lost intensity over the last 2 months. I knew that I wouldn't deny anyone that relationship if they wanted it. Kurt was close with everyone in New Directions, and he had qualities everyone loved at one time.

Kurt had gone the extra mile to help Sam, and I was aware of how much that meant to him. Kurt and I were in the beginning of our relationship then, and these qualities were what tied me to him, in part.

Sebastian once asked me what I saw in Kurt, and I replied with truth, or the truth as it was at that time. I told him that Kurt was everything you could ask for. Confidence, sensitivity, uniqueness, creativity, compassion. He had all those things once and more, but somehow he lost a lot of those and had hurt me worse then ever imagined possible in the process.

His friendships were always solid though, and I expected they could always be repaired. So, when Sam came back into the room with a bit of a smirk on his face and proclaimed the rare talents he may have picked up on from Santana, I felt a small amount of joy in how the encounter went down. I vowed to hear the whole story later.

We made our way to our seats, but not before catching the eyes of some of the parents and waving friendly hellos. The ceremony began, names were called and our friends took to the stage for their diploma's. It was long and rarely exciting, unless our friends were making their way to the stage.

It was finally time for us to close out the ceremony. We all moved up onto stage and we took our places as the seniors removed their robes. We had simple choreography since Rachel came up with this only a few hours before now. We stood in formation and were almost ready before someone noticed a problem.

"Where is Kurt?" Finn asked.

"I haven't seem him since he got his diploma. I think he left immeidately after." Tina offered up with a shrug. "Should we go find him?"

"No time. Joe and Sugar, I know you didn't have a solo part, but share Kurt's part now, ok?" Rachel went into action to repair the rift as the song started. We all took our places, again, and we began our final official perfomance together as the 2012 National Champion New Directions.

**_(Rachel)_**  
_Hey old friend, let's look back_  
_On the crazy clothes we wore_  
**_(Tina)_**  
_Ain't it fun to look back_  
_And to see it's all been done before_

**_(Finn)_**  
_All those nights together_  
_Are a special memory_  
**_(Mike)_**  
_And I can't wait for tomorrow_  
_Just as long as you're dancing next to me_

**_(All)_**  
_Cause it's so clear_  
_Every year we get stronger_  
**_(Puck)_**  
_What's gone is gone_  
**_(Santana)_**  
_The past is the past_  
**_(Brittany)_**  
_Turn the radio up_  
**_(Rory)_**  
_And then hit the gas cause..._

One by one, as each person joined the song we all came to the middle of the stage. We finally felt like a family again, except for one.

**_(All)_**  
_I know we've come so far_  
_But we've got so far to go_  
_I know the road seems long_  
_But it won't be long till it's time to go so,_

_Most days we'll take it fast_  
_But some nights we'll take it slow_  
_I know we've come so far _  
_Oh but baby, baby,_  
_We've got so far to go_

**_(Sam)_**  
_Hey old friend, together_  
_Side by side and year by year_  
**_(Blaine)_**  
_The road was filled with twists and turns_  
_Oh but that's the road that got us here_

**_(Mercedes)_**  
_Let's move past the bad times_  
_But before those memories fade_  
**_(Quinn)_**  
_Let's forgive but not forget_  
_And learn from all the mistakes we made_

**_(All)_**  
_Cause it's so clear_  
_Every year we get stronger_  
_So don't give up and don't say when_  
_And just get back on the road again cause,_

_I know we've come so far_  
_But we've got so far to go_  
_I know the road seems long_  
_But it won't be long till it's time to go so,_

_Most days we'll take it fast_  
_And some nights we'll take it slow_  
_I know we've come so far_  
_Oh but baby, baby_  
_We've got so far to go_

**_(Boys)_**  
_Hey old friend come along for the ride_  
_There's plenty of room so jump inside_  
_The highway's rocky every now and then_  
_But it so much better than where I've been_

**_(Girls)_**  
_Just keep movin', at your own speed_  
_Your heart is all the compass you'll ever need_  
_Let's keep cruisin' the road we're on_  
_'Cause the rear view mirror only shows what's gone, gone, gone_  
_Got so far to go_

**_(Artie)_**  
_It's so clear_  
_Every year we get stronger_  
**_(Joe & Sugar)_**  
_So shine that light, take my hand_  
_Let's dance into the promised land caus_e,

I finally had spotted him. Kurt was sitting in the back corner of the auditorium, scowling and refusing to join in our celebration. No one really missed him though, and if anyone else saw him no one was going to ruin their fun to try and bring him in. We finished the song with more energy than any performance of ours since nationals, while Kurt stormed out.

**_(All)_**  
_I know we've come so far_  
_But we've got so far to go_  
_I know the road seems long_  
_But it won't be long till it's time to go so,_

_Most days we'll take it fast_  
_But some nights we'll take it slow_  
_I know we've come so far_  
_Oh but baby, baby_  
_We've got so far to go!_

The crowd was on their feet. Standing ovations were always special, but knowing this would be our last one together as this group choked me up a little, and I wasn't the only one. Everyone was taking comfort in each other but celebrating all at the same time. It was a glorious sight.

Rachel and Finn took off after Kurt after our performance. I made my rounds with the parents and families I knew and as soon as a moment came to escape, I took off for the bathroom. On my way there I ran into Rachel and Finn heading back to the auditorium.

"Hey guys. Did you find him?"

"Yeah, he isn't doing well. Turns out Sam ripped him pretty good. Also, turns out he was hiding from Chandler that he didn't get into NYADA and he let it slip while complaining about Sam." Finn shrugged and Rachel took hold of his arm.

"Good to see some things don't change, I guess."

"Yes, well. Chandler doesn't want a boyfriend who isn't in New York with him, so he dumped Kurt. He doesn't seem upset, just mad. We are leaving him alone." Rachel looked agitated, revealing that Kurt probably snapped at her and Finn probably got them out of there before the fireworks started.

I wanted to be happy about it. I wanted to scream in triumph, proclaim victory for justice and parade around with banners and flags proclaiming "You get what you give!" or "Karma just bitch slapped you!" or something else clever and so, so satisfying.

But, I just felt bad for him. I must have had concern plastered over my face because Rachel saw it immediately.

"No, Blaine. Don't you dare. He started digging this grave, let him get his own feet out of it." For the first time in months I saw the caring face of the friend I once had and I was happy to see it. Her insistence was all I needed to abandon any ideas of seeking him out.

We parted ways and I finally made it to the bathroom. We were all headed to Rachel's house for a party while her dads were out of town but not everyone was ready to leave yet. I took my time changing clothes and taking care of business, and when I was finally done I left the bathroom to find Kurt waiting outside the door.

"Oh, hey Kurt. Just getting ready to go to Rachel's, so..."

"Wait, Blaine. I want to talk to you. I know we haven't spoken since the break up. I know it's my fault. I was upset and I went a little over dramatic." I raised an eyebrow.

"Well, that's nice of you to admit. Thank you."

"I'm not done. I realize how hard everything has been on you. Mercedes filled me in the other day. She said you had a hard time moving on."

"I changed my life for you Kurt. Of course I felt something for you. I didn't know you needed more confirmation than that. Yes, it was hard. You betrayed me with a smile on your face. What did you expect?"

"I know. I made a mistake. I don't know why. But I want to give us another chance. I broke it off with Chandler and I want to work on us." Oh my god, he is lying to my face. He must think I hadn't had a chance to talk to Rachel or Finn yet.

The only thought that comes to my head is that, no wonder he didn't get into NYADA. His acting isn't that great. He is attempting regret and sadness and I see right through it. I guess it doesn't count since I got the equivalent of a cheat sheet to this test just a few minutes earlier.

"Kurt. Stop. I know Chandler dumped you and you are lying to me while trying to start our relationship back up? If I didn't already know what type of person you were, I would for sure know now. You sabotaged my life. At least tried to, and after a half hearted apology expect me to come back? It's been months, Kurt. Months! You haven't said a word and now everything is just ok? Face it Kurt, you lost me, and you have to live with it."

"You don't know what you're doing. I am giving you another chance. This is the last one you will get." He was delusional. I really did feel bad for him. I don't know if that was a sign of my strength or of just how pathetic he had gotten. What I did know, however, was that I was actually completely over him. Accepting his offer to even talk didn't even cross my mind, and with this realization so much doubt finally left my body.

"I will always love you in some way Kurt. You were my first real love. You are wrong though. You aren't giving me another chance. You are asking me to give you another chance, and you are too late. It isn't going to happen. You really don't see the type of person you have become, do you? I'm not sure anyone could love that." And with that, Kurt was the past. The door was locked, and the key gone, never to be seen again.

I walked back to the auditorium to Kurt muttering about what a mistake I was, but all I could do was laugh. I turned to him one last time.

"You're right, Kurt. I was a mistake. You wanted someone you could control and that wasn't me. I thought coming here was a mistake too, for a long time. But, what I didn't count on was the amazing people at this school. I think you forgot about them some time this year. You really should take a good look in the mirror, Kurt. Goodbye."

Sam was waiting for me with Mike and Tina back inside the auditorium. Most everyone had made it over to Rachel's house and we were one of the last groups to leave. We said our goodbye's to the remaining parents and all filed into Tina's car.

On our way to Rachel's I made Sam tell of his talk with Kurt before I would reveal what happened before we left. We all laughed at the jab at his New York dreams, but Tina, through laughs, did have to mention how mean that really was. We all agreed, but it was funny!

I then recounted the events in the hallway, paying particular attention to Sam's reaction. His eyes betrayed his fear when I first told them that Kurt wanted to try our relationship again, but it was all worth it when I finished the story. Mike and Tina seemed to be upset at how Kurt was acting, and I expected the same reaction from Sam too. Instead of disappointment in Kurt however, he was staring intently at me and what I actually saw was happiness.

No, it wasn't just happiness. There was something more there. He was looking at me in a way that I hadn't seen in a long time. I recognized that look. I have been longing to see it from him for a long time now.

There was love in his eyes, and they were looking right at me. Just as one relationship finally comes to a complete end, the hope of a new one arises and I am on cloud nine. I smile at him and he smiles back as we finally pull up to the house.

We are the last group to arrive at the party and I am relieved to not see Kurt there. We settle into the basement and the celebration really begins. Santana stands on a table in the middle of the room and claps for everyone's attention.

"New Directions! Let's get this party started!"


	8. Build A Wall

**Build A Wall - Shrek The Musical - Brian d'arcy James**

**Stop Crying Your Heart Out: Chapter 8**

**(Sam)**

Santana immediately had almost everyone with drinks in their hands as she started out this party as bartender. Kurt still hadn't shown up and it was becoming clear to me that he no longer felt a part of this group. I felt a little guilty about how I treated him the other night, but it left quickly. I had to remember that he did all of this to himself.

This party was a long time coming. We had had a rough patch as a family, but everything was coming together for us. Blaine and Rachel had brought their duet team out of retirement and were doing a cover of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up," a song that I claim full responsibility for, but it was amazing.

Half the crew were dancing and showing off their serious drunken moves while the rest of us sat around singing along and cheering on everyone. Blaine was captivating when he performed and I found myself checking out of the conversations going on around me and was watching him with the biggest smile on my face. I had to keep myself from staring at him, so I forced myself to strike up conversations with everyone I could. I really did want to talk to these people and it was the best way to keep my mind off Blaine.

Puck had gone on for a while about how he was rethinking his move to California. He had no other plans, but being so far away from Beth was something that surprisingly scared him. Puck was a much better guy than anyone on the outside would ever see, but that wasn't important to him. He knew who he was and how we all felt about him and that was all the validation he needed, even if he would never say it.

Quinn and I chatted about her unlikely friendship with Rachel and how she was actually looking forward to visiting her in New York next year. Looking at this Quinn, I saw what I had once seen in her a few years back. She was a beautiful, strong and caring woman and I was sad to know she would be gone soon like so many people I cared about.

As I went by each of my friends, I started to realize just how different everything was going to be next year. A lot of the safety net of glee club would be gone, and in any other world that would be scary enough, but I have another obstacle in my future now too. Trying to keep Blaine out of my mind was not as easy as I had hoped, and he always fond a way to creep in.

I was more certain than ever that Blaine was way more to me then anyone had ever been. I couldn't even bring myself to think that I love him, but I know he means more to me then Mercedes and I know I loved her. I begin to picture how everyone would react to what was going on with me. I shake my head and try to lose the thought.

The truth is that even though I knew the support would exist, I was terrified of getting this out just in case it didn't. I knew everyone would be supportive, this group was practically famous for it, but people will start to look at me a little differently. I never felt like I was lying to myself or hiding anything from myself before, or anyone else for that matter. When this comes out, though, I was afraid of how other people would take it, and while stupid, it was a fear I couldn't shake.

I was having a hard time here. Everyone was drinking and having a great time, but I couldn't do that. It was hard enough staying away from Blaine right now without alcohol. I was happy to see Blaine wasn't really drinking either. I remember how he was the last time we all did this, and I'm not sure I could push him away tonight, or ever. It's not that I want to jump him right here and now, although the idea becomes more and more appealing each day.

I just crave closeness to him now and I cannot convince myself to have the strength to reveal these things in public. I'm starting to sink into my head a bit too much and begin to meld with the scenery as I lose myself in thought. The idea of being with Blaine around these people is way more attention then I want right now.

"Come on, Trouty Mouth, lets dance!" Santana is quick to pull me back to the reality around me, and I am forced to have a good time, although it isn't really that hard. I am up and into the crowd as Brittany is now up on Rachel's stage performing, quite suggestively, to Cascada's "Every Time We Touch." Her over the top performance has us all laughing and dancing along and I am finally lost in the party, and not my head.

People were starting to lose all public decency and it was on. Mike and Tina had disappeared at some point and Brittany and Santana didn't even bother going someplace private. Everyone else was sitting around in the center of the room going over memories from high school while Puck and Quinn were seeing Joe out as he had to leave for the evening, the drunkenness around him all becoming a bit too much.

All of the hold outs had finally caved and all of us were drinking and losing our inhibitions now. The addition of alcohol and reminiscing had us all roaring with laughter at every little story we told. I was remembering why this group, such a conglomerate of random and unique people, all could come together and be such amazing friends.

"Remember those cupcakes we made? I can't believe we didn't realize what was in that!" Everyone was laughing as Finn told those of us who weren't here the story of how they helped pay for their first sectionals trip.

"Hey, we couldn't leave Artie behind, right bro?" Puck came up and high fives Artie as he and Quinn joined us in the center.

"That led to getting some of the ramps that I and eventually Quinn had to use. I say we get that secret recipe for next year!"

"Oh, yes Puck. Thank you so much for that!" Quinn rolled her eyes but laughed too. "The best was Sam's Bieber group! I still can't believe you all did that. You were definitely hot though."

"Don't remind me! That hair was a mistake, that's for sure." I should have known they would bring this up, but it was great!

"We did a lot of important things together. My mom's wedding. The funeral for Coach Sue's sister. Oh, and let's not forget the commercial and TV special! No way would I have gotten to do that with the football team!"

"Remember when Mercedes threw a rock through Kurt's windshield?" The mention of Kurt's name didn't register with anyone except me as far as I could tell, but Mercedes face did betray her embarrassment.

"Yeah, well lets talk about Rachel's stuffed animal Gaga dress. Disaster!" Mercedes was howling louder now and everyone's laughter was exploding around me. I was really enjoying this time with all of my friends, but with the mention of Kurt's name I was starting to check out. More stories were told around me but I just had this overwhelming feeling that something wasn't right.

All of my friends were recounting their grand times and here I was, hiding away and keeping an important part of myself from my true friends. I couldn't even look at Blaine anymore and didn't even notice when the the party went back to loud music and more drinking. Blaine was caught up talking to Finn and I was about to sneak my way upstairs when someone tapped me on the shoulder.

"Hey, Sam. Wanna get out of here? Go upstairs and talk for a second?"

"Sure, Mercedes."

**(Mercedes)**

Things hadn't exactly been easy these last few weeks. The truth about Sam and Blaine was shocking, but reflecting back on it now it was such a perfect fit. I love Sam, that will never change. I experienced first hand just how easy it was to have feelings for him. I couldn't blame Blaine, especially since Sam was around him so often.

What I didn't see was Sam returning those feeling as a possibility. The idea didn't even seem plausible. I had to sometimes remind myself that it was actually happening. I was mad for a few days, that is true. I think anyone who says they aren't mad after something like that happens is just lying to themselves.

I looked for guidance a lot these past few days. It was particularly hard to talk to friends about what was going on without revealing Sam's secret. Outing Sam was never an option, for a few reasons. One, "outing" wasn't exactly the right term. Not many people would understand his situation and it could turn ugly quickly. Secondly, while Sam had technically done something wrong, I saw the pain there so far before the truth came out. I knew he was suffering, and something about the whole situation kept me from ever really getting crazy about it.

Another reason was Kurt. In all of his crazy, I saw what a situation that ugly could do to everyone involved, and I wanted no part in that. I decided to go back to that relationship and while it wasn't what I was expecting, I could see there was something there worth working on. I imagine not many people would give him another chance. I am still pretty upset with him for what he did to Blaine, but he has slowly been losing it all and no one deserves to go through that alone.

I have not been a saint here at McKinley myself. Jealousy erupted in me a lot, and other mistakes came surrounding it. I know that I haven't been perfect and that I never will be. Leaving this group for the Trouble Tones helped me gain my confidence, but I always felt like a part of me was missing. I was glad to have that back finally.

I reached out to Kurt knowing that was a part of this group that I wanted back, but something happened during that meeting that made me question the type of person Kurt was becoming. He didn't seem to think anything was going on between Blaine and Sam, but there was a real dislike of Sam in the way he would speak about him now. It was clear he blamed Sam for a lot of Blaine's strength in standing up to him and in Blaine's ability to move on, although just how much he helped he didn't know. I had a gut feeling that Kurt even suspecting the truth behind them would be bad, and so I had to be particularly careful in everything I said.

I accept that now is not the time to bring Kurt back into the group. Hopefully the day will come, because his presence is missed here at the party. Everyone was pretty gone by this point in the night, and choosing not to drink kept me very aware of just how distant Sam was being.

"Hey, Sam. Wanna get out of here? Go upstairs and talk for a second?" I finally caught him alone.

"Sure, Mercedes." We walked upstairs and found a spare bedroom.

"What's wrong, Sam? You have been out of it all night it seems."

"Just thinking about how everything is going to change after tonight."

"It is going to be different." I sighed and closed my eyes for a second. When i opened them I saw Sam looking away, his eyes welling up. "Sam, talk to me. You could tell me everything once, remember?"

"No, no. It's ok. It's about Blaine and you don't wanna hear about that, I know."

"Sam, I have forgiven you already, and I am the only one you can talk to about him, so please, let me help." I took his hand and he smiled, a sigh of relief followed.

"I just don't know. I don't want to hide but I am too afraid to be honest about it. I want to be close with him but nothing seems to give me the courage to do that."

"Why don't you start small? You and Mike are great friends, and you know he accepts everyone. He would be perfect to talk to. I can even do it with you?"

"No, I can't right now. Blaine and I aren't even anything yet, really. I know it's my move but I am just afraid of this. It is new territory and answers aren't coming in as easily as they always have for me."

"You know Blaine is waiting for you. He told me he turned down Kurt tonight. You think he didn't have you in mind when he did that?"

"I know he does! That is the scariest part! What if this isn't right? What if everything I am feeling isn't the level he is at, or even needs? I love him, Mercedes. I know I do, but everything else is working against my heart right now." He is losing it and I am at a loss for words.

"Fireflight, do you know them?"

"Huh?"

"The band, Sam, have you heard of them?" He shakes his head.

"Well they have a song, 'Unbreakble.' A line is 'Forget the fear, it's just a crutch that tries to hold you back and and turn your dreams to dust. All you need to do is trust.' Fear won't ever go away, but you need to trust your friends, trust Blaine. We will stand by you, you know that, but if you let this keep you from Blaine then you are making a mistake you will never forgive yourself for."

"What do I do then? I don't know what I'll do if they turn from me. This isn't a small secret. I don't even understand this most of the time, how will they?"

"Because they love you Sam. Everyone here, but I don't expect you to tell everyone."

"I am not ready to tell anyone yet. I can't. All I need right now is you and Blaine. I know it won't stay hidden forever, but I need time."

"I don't think anyone even suspects, Sam. You aren't being rushed into anything."

"I've been avoiding Blaine all night. All I want is to be honest with everyone but keep it hidden at the same time. I feel like I can't be myself even though its all I want."

"Well, let me spin this another way for you then. If you don't go make that boy your boyfriend I will, because he is the best guy at this school and you know he can't resist me." Finally, laughter. A smile. Something to show that he wasn't losing himself completely to this fear.

"Boyfriend. It sounds weird, doesn't it? It will be a strange thing to say for a while. It sounds right though."

"Trust me, he will be happy to say it about you too. Anyone would be."

"That is the first step, isn't it? I mean, there is nothing to tell if we aren't actually together."

"Sam, I've seen how you look at that boy. I've seen how much it hurts you to not be with him. I didn't know that was the reason at the time, mind you, but I saw it. You may be hesitant, but all of that will disappear the second you feel how happy he makes you."

"Thanks Mercedes. You were always wiser then you got credit for."

"Now, I am going to kiss you one last time before you have a boyfriend to get mad about it. Just as a friend though, don't get any ideas!"

He laughed. I was so happy to have him in my life, and he is a friend I will always have. I lean towards him and give him a quick kiss just as the door busts open, Tina and Mike stumbling in.

"Oh, sorry guys!" Mike was clearly embarrassed and Sam and I smiled at him.

"Oh! Well don't let us interrupt!" Tina winked at me as she left and I laughed.

"I think Tina thinks we are back together."

"Ha, well won't she be surprised!"

**(Blaine)**

I didn't know where Sam or Mercedes had gone. I was talking with Finn, promising that we would try to hang out and catch some games whenever we could. He still wasn't sure of where he was going or what he was going to do, but Lima didn't sound like it was in his plan at all. I didn't even see them leave.

I felt like Sam was going out of his way to keep away from me all night, but I was trying not to be paranoid. He was deep in conversation all night with everyone who was graduating, and these people mean a lot to him. He won't even look at me though. I need another drink.

At some point I had lost track of exactly how many drinks I had and was now laughing with Finn about the ridiculous outfits Kurt would wear and about how mad he would get that Finn and I hung out sometimes.

I kept thinking Sam would love to be a part of this conversation, but I was enjoying finally talking to Finn again, especially with all our reservations gone. I realized I was probably saying things I shouldn't out loud, but it was good to get a lot of it off my chest and have a good excuse for it in the morning.

Where did Sam and Mercedes go? They were close again so them talking isn't a worry, but why were they not here? Where did they go? Another drink! I got one and joined Finn again. We continued talking until Rachel joined us, latched to Finn's side, and was finally questioning me about my future prospects. I was surprised it took this long, honestly.

"What about Sebastian? Haven't heard from him in a while, and he seemed to be turning over a new leaf." She covered Finn's ears and whispered the next thing. "Plus, he is super sexy. Shhhhh!"

"I heard that!" Finn screamed and picked her up off the ground, all of us erupting in laughter. If I hadn't been drinking, the next thought might have just passed through my head instead of my mouth.

"Yeah, he is. He's too late though." Anyone else and the comment would have gone by unnoticed. Rachel, however, was not anyone else.

"Too late? You have your eye on someone else? Who who who?"

Shit.

Think Blaine. Uhhhh. Oh, Jeremiah! The Gap! Uhhhh. "Remember that guy from the Gap? I might go see if he wants to go out, not in song though." They laughed at my joke.

All things considered, I was proud I came up with that. Thank god for alcohol, because if Rachel wasn't about to buy it, Finn saved me, picking her up again to kiss her and making her lose all thoughts of our conversation.

I knew now that I had to get out of here before this continued. I excused myself and made my way over to the drinks. I mixed something up real quick and decided I needed to go find Sam and Mercedes.

I got about halfway up the steps before my bladder sent me the warning signs and I booked it up to the bathroom to relieve myself. I stop and splash water on my face and take a second to look in the mirror.

I am more out of it then I thought. This night was fun, but I needed to find a place to crash. I need to find Sam first. I get to the bottom of the stairs leading to the second floor and Mike and Tina are walking down.

"Oh, hey guys. Have you seen Sam and Mercedes?"

"Yeah. We accidentally walked in on them upstairs! They were kissing! Maybe they are getting back together? Isn't that great!" Tina seemed overjoyed but my heart shattered.

"What?" I screamed it way to loudly and before they could react I stormed out the front door and stood in the yard, staring out into the night.

I heard Mike send Tina to go get Sam and Mercedes, and he was standing behind me.

"Blaine, what's wrong?" Silence. How could he do this. I am shaking and trying to hold back my emotions. I thought...

"Mike? Blaine, what is happening?" Mercedes... This can't be happening. I knew this was all a mistake. I can't do this again, I am done!

_I'm gonna build me a wall, I'll make it ten feet high._  
_See ya later pal, bye bye._  
_No one gettin' in, so don't you even try._  
_A ten foot wall.._

"Blaine, look at me! What is wrong" Mike whispered something in her ear and her face went from confusion to shock. "Blaine...no."

_I'm gonna build me a wall, I'm gonna disappear._  
_What's the matter pal, am I not bein' clear?_  
_Can't you take a hint, am I getting through at all?_  
_Just get outta here.._

Mike and Mercedes were standing on the porch. I turn from them and sprint out, down the road before Tina and Sam appear...

_I was told the world would despise me._  
_So I should have known, I should have guessed._  
_I thought these two might be different._  
_Well now I know, they're just like all the rest._

_I'm gonna be what they want, I'm gonna be what they say._  
_Hey world, I'll do it your way!_  
_You're looking for a monster, it's your lucky day._  
_I'll be what you want.._

I stop on a hill off the side of the road and collapse on the ground. I was stupid to think this was possible. I knew Mercedes loved him. Hell, he made no secret he loved her. I was stupid. It wasn't too late for Dalton. Why did I ever think staying here was a good idea?

_What a fool to think he might love me._  
_I opened my heart and let him walk through._  
_She wanted prince charming, I wanted my home back,_  
_How lucky both our wishes come true.._

_Gonna build me a wall, a perfect place to hide._  
_Hey world, stay on your side._  
_The best way to conquer they say is to divide._

_Gonna build a wall._  
_Gonna be what they say._  
_Gonna hide in my heart._

_Gonna build a wall..._

**Hey everyone! I never end with a song, but I thought it was a good end point so I left it! I also don't ever do this after the story, but I had to this time. I walked away from this chapter not really knowing how I felt about the result. Also didn't help that I edited this on my own as the person who usually does it for me is out of the country and their feedback was missed! I'm hoping that the introduction of alcohol was a believable enough change to fuel Blaine's insecurities. This was a part of the story I wanted to tell since the beginning and it closely resembles one of my favorite staged scenes ever, so I may be judging myself a little too harshly here.(If you've seen the movie, the song in the show takes place after Shrek overhears Donkey and Fiona talking about not being able to love someone as ugly, meaning herself, etc) Let me know what you guys think, please!**


	9. Terrified

**Not much to say, other than this song is amazing, and I hope you all like it as much as I do. 3 songs came to mind when I started this story. 1 is in chapter 1 and the title of the story, 2 is in chapter 8, and 3 is immediately after it in this chapter. It all comes together in my head sometimes! Don't worry, more song inspirations have been coming and fueling my interest. =P Enjoy!**

**Terrified - Katherine McPhee ft. Zachary Levi**

**Stop Crying Your Heart Out: Chapter 9**

**(Sam)**

"Sam, I am truly happy for you. When you came back here, I wasn't sure what was going to happen, but this is far better then any outcome I looked for."

"You were all I could see back then, Mercedes. You stole my heart and didn't give it up until it was time. Thank you." Mercedes hugged me and I made my way to the bathroom. I had one last thing to do before I was ready to face Blaine.

I haven't prayed in such a long time. I never expected answers when I asked God for help, I just spoke with him and hoped he could point me in the right direction. Tonight, I finally prayed again, but this time not for me. I asked God to look after everyone who was filled with doubt. I asked him to send people like Mercedes into their lives to help them find their way. I asked him to be there for them even when they didn't ask for it. I didn't need any proof that he was there for me, especially after talking with Mercedes.

There aren't many instance in my past where I knew with one hundred percent certainty what I wanted in life. In fact, including tonight I'm not even sure there was a single instance. Doubt was always present, even if minuscule. There is always something there that eats away at the back of your head shouting about the unknowns and the "what ifs." It was a part of being human.

So no, one hundred percent clarity was not how I would describe how I felt now, but it was closer then I had ever been. I actually seem to have been trying to convince myself I wasn't so sure of this, but I was so thankful for Mercedes. It's amazing how much she knows me, and she was insistent on accepting how I felt for Blaine.

There were so many uncertainties with this particular future though, and that is what I have been having a hard time with. I know life itself is always uncertain, but there is so much in this world that would just be easier. It's a strange thought because staying away from Blaine has been one of the hardest things I have ever done, so being with him can't be that bad. I've seen the hardships that so many people have gone through, but this town is changing, isn't it?

It didn't matter though. Knowing that he would be by my side was all of a sudden the only thing I needed. I don't know why it took me so long to accept it, but now that I had I was so sure that everything I would have to face would be easier to do with his support, even with all the foreseeable obstacles out ahead of me.

I had just finished up in the bathroom to see Mercedes running down the stairs and Tina turning to look at me. "Sam, come on. Blaine is upset about something."

I knew once the alcohol started flowing he would start getting emotional. I chuckle at the thought, not because it is funny, but because I am looking forward to making his night better and taking care of him. When I get downstairs though, the scene before me is so much more then a simple upset Blaine, but I have no idea exactly what it is.

"Mercedes, what is going?" Mike seemed concerned and Mercedes just looked guilty.

"Nothing, Mike. Sam, come here." I walked over and shrugged at Mike as Mercedes pulled me close. She whispered in my ear, and thank god I was facing away from Mike and Tina as the fear on my face would have given it all away. "Blaine was coming to find us when he ran into them. They told him you and I kissed and ..."

I was out the door before she could finish the thought, Mercedes right behind me. This couldn't be happening. I need to find Blaine before he gets the wrong idea permanently etched in his brain.

"Blaine!" Mercedes and I screamed in unison and ran down the street towards where Mercedes last saw Blaine go. We ran up and down the street, turning off onto a few side streets and looking anywhere we could. I tried his phone several times and it always went directly to voicemail. I was about to head back to Rachel's and get everyone sober enough to help out here to look when I hear faint crying down off an embankment towards the back of the development.

I walked to the edge of the road and looked over the side, but I couldn't see anything. Mercedes turned on the flashlight app on her phone and we panned the hill a few times before we saw him off a little ways to the right.

"Blaine, oh thank god." He looked at Mercedes and immediately went to move.

"Don't you dare, Blaine!" I yelled. I wasn't mad at him, really, but a part of me was. He stopped in his tracks and turned to look at me.

"What do you want, Sam!" He yelled back, and it sent a pain through me unlike any I had ever known. I did the only thing that came naturally: I ran up to him and pulled him into the biggest hug I could manage. He didn't return it.

"Blaine. Nothing is going on between Mercedes and me. I promise. Blaine..." I held him tighter and he started to cry. My heart was breaking. This is my fault. If I hadn't put this off. If I was just able to accept my feelings he wouldn't have felt this pain.

"Why...?" I didn't understand the question. I didn't answer, instead I just held him close and refused to let go. "Why are you here?" His arms still just hung at his side. I never wanted anything more in my life then to have him return this embrace, and he wasn't.

Finally, I separated us and just stared him in the eyes. "Blaine, I..."

"What have I been waiting for Sam? I thought you and I had a chance! I have been killing myself slowly just waiting for you, and why? You love Mercedes, I know! This is my fault."

"Shut up, Blaine." He actually did, and shock took over all emotion on his face. "You are right, I do love Mercedes." The sadness rushed his features again and he threw his hands in the air.

"Of course you do." Mercedes puts her hand on my shoulder, urging me to continue.

"Blaine, please. Let me finish." I could talk the talk, that was easy. Confidence came so strongly when I was alone or in the confines of Mercedes own version of a interrogation room. Trying to voice to Blaine himself how I feel creates the biggest knot in my stomach and I begin to shake.

"Do you know how scary this is for me? I know you have been patient with me, and I owe you so much for that. You haven't pressured me into anything, and it makes me think so much more of you, but are you aware of what all this means to me?

"Everything I thought I knew about myself is changing. I have doubted my faith in the past few months. I have cried over how people would react to me. My family is very religious, and the idea of upsetting my parents haunts me, and that could be the best response!

"I am afraid to tell our friends, and they are the most accepting group of people I have ever met!" Blaine has stopped crying and takes a step closer to me, putting his hand on my arm, Mercedes hand is still on my shoulder. None of us noticed when Mike and Tina finally find us and stop back on the road towards the top of the hill.

"I love Mercedes. I always will, but our relationship is a thing of the past. We have both moved on, she to her career, and me to, well..." I stop and look down. When I look back up all I see is the moonlight shining down, reflecting off the tear stains on Blaine's cheeks that surround his now smiling face.

"You are so beautiful, do you know that?" I wipe the tear streaks from his face and start to hum, letting myself let go and reveal all of my truths in the easiest way I know how.

_You, by the light_  
_Is the greatest find_  
_In a world full of wrong_  
_You're the thing that's right_  
_Finally made it through the lonely_  
_To the other side_

_You set it again, my heart's in motion_  
_Every word feels like a shooting star_  
_I'm at the edge of my emotions_  
_Watching the shadows burning in the dark_  
_And I'm in love_  
_And I'm terrified_  
_For the first time and the last time_  
_In my only life_

"Blaine, I don't know what this could be. This is scary and new and way too confusing, but as long as I am with you I think it can be ok" I pull him close to me and finally, finally, kiss the boy I care so much about.

**_(Blaine)_**  
_And this could be good_  
_It's already better than that_  
_And nothing's worse_  
_Than knowing you're holding back_  
_I could be all that you needed_  
_If you let me try_

_You set it again, my heart's in motion_  
_Every word feels like a shooting star_  
_I'm at the edge of my emotions_  
_Watching the shadows burning in the dark_  
_And I'm in love_  
_And I'm terrified_  
_For the first time and the last time_  
_In my only..._

"All I want, Sam, is to know you are in this with me a hundred percent. We can deal with everything else as long as I know that."

"Blaine. Do you love me?"

"Yes. Of course. Do you love me?" He does nothing for a split second and that fear rushes me.

Just as quickly as it came, it went as Sam pulls me into another kiss before I look him directly in the eyes, foreheads touching, and he says, "I have for such a long time. I just couldn't tell you." I pull him into me and never want to let go.

**_(Sam and Blaine)_**  
_I only said it 'cause I mean it_  
_I only mean it 'cause it's true_  
_So don't you doubt what I've been dreaming_  
_'Cause it fills me up and holds me close whenever I'm without you_

_You set it again, my heart's in motion_  
_Every word feels like a shooting star_  
_Watching the shadows burning in the dark_  
_And I'm in love_  
_And I'm terrified_  
_For the first time and the last time_  
_In my only life_

_In my only life..._

**(Sam)**

"Oh my god!" The sound of Tina's voice is unmistakable. My heart sinks and I turn to see the shocked faces of my two friends. Blaine immediately has his arms off me and Mercedes pulls me to her. I can gauge nothing from their facial expressions, but they are walking towards me and not running and that must be a good sign.

I wasn't ready for this. I thought I would have time to work on things with Blaine before I was going to tell even my closest of friends. I was shaking and couldn't bring myself to look at them as they got closer. Mercedes was whispering something about taking care of it and Blaine was quiet.

"Guys, it isn't what it looks like. I..." Blaine trailed off. There was fear in what this relationship is with him too, and I know he can't deny it outright.

"Sam, are you gay?" Mike was calm, not threatening in the least bit, but I couldn't even look at him, let alone answer him.

"No Mike, he is not. And please just don't ask questions. This isn't..." I tightened my grip on her arm and she stopped. Mercedes wasn't lying. She was holding me closely to her side and I realized that I couldn't always have people fight my battles for me. I wasn't ready for this, but with these two the secret was out. If I don't tell them the truth now this could spread and these two knowing was already more then I was ready for.

"No, it's ok." I grabbed Blaine's hand and pulled him to me. If I was going to do this I need him here, that much is clear. "No, I am not really gay. I am attracted to women, but..." I pause to look at Blaine and he smiles at me, and I can't help but smile back.

"Look, I am not ready for you guys to know this, but you do and it is ok if you want to run or not talk to me or whatever, but please, please do not say anything to anyone. I don't know what to do and I just need my friends to treat me normal and I know it is a lot to ask but, just please."

Everyone is silent and tears are forming in my eyes now. I brush them away and Blaine just squeezes my hand tighter. I am dreading what might be coming. I realize now how much I need people, these two most importantly, to accept me. I get my answer as Mike is pulling me into a hug.

I assume Tina is hugging Blaine, but I don't know as Mike is refusing to let go of me. I hug him back and cannot help myself. I start to cry into his shoulder and he just holds tighter. It is only a moment before he pulls back and turns to hug Blaine before facing me again, tears threatening to form in his eyes as well.

"Sam, I am so sorry. We didn't mean to... We were just worried about Blaine and wanted to help find him." He puts a hand on my shoulder and just smiles at me as he wiped the tears away with the other hand. "This changes nothing Sam. You might have to explain it to me, but this changes nothing. You are my best friend and that will never stop being true. I am so sorry you've been struggling with this." I hug him again. I have to. The other option is kiss him, which in my utter bliss I could totally do, but that might give the wrong idea.

Not only does he have no problem with me, but he is interested in whats going on with me and wants to talk about it. Only seconds ago I was expecting, at the very least, that he would have enough decency to just keep my secret, but this is more then I could ever ask for.

"Mike, just thank you! I'm sorry we haven't been talking much lately, I just didn't know what to say. I didn't want to lie to you and when you started to see something was wrong I had to run. I am sorry."

"It's ok, Sam. It just means we have a lot of catching up to do." He hugs me again, and I am just truly lost in this moment. I was quickly getting overwhelmed in the best possible way. I had to step back for a second and take this all in.

Tina is standing next to Blaine and still crying and I have to hug her finally. "I'm sorry. This isn't about me. I'm going to stop crying. Sam. Blaine. You two are perfect." She is laughing slightly while wiping her eyes and I shoot Blaine a questioning look which he returns.

"We all knew Blaine had something for you Sam. Sorry Blaine." She looked over at the blushing Blaine and laughed. "But we were worried because of what happened with Kurt that you'd somehow end up hurting him too and none of us wanted that. This though. I didn't expect this."

"Neither did I, Tina. Trust me." I had to laugh as I entwined my fingers in Blaine's again. Blaine's embarrassment. My friends keen observation of the situation, even if they only saw half the story. Not only acceptance, but understanding from them. I had my three best friends around me now, all in my corner, and Blaine's hand in mine. It was all just way more then I could ever ask for.

**(Blaine)**

I felt everything right now. I feel stupid, happy, fear, shock, you name it, and I feel it. Mercedes got a text from Rory asking where we all were a while ago and she covered for us all saying we were out for a walk. So, we had to start heading back to Rachel's house, all of us arm over arm and joking around like my and Sam's lives didn't just drastically change.

It was ok though. Sam needed a moment away from his emotions and the best way to do that was to joke around in our group, what I now really felt was a family. The second I saw Mike and Tina I thought it was over. Sam would deny everything, come up with some excuse and I would stand there and take it, heartbroken. I would take it because I know I love him. I would take it because no matter how much he hurt me, I wouldn't do that to him. Escaping was always a better reaction then revenge, for me.

When he grabbed my hand I could not possibly hide my smile anymore. There was a warmth and a feeling of safety in such a simple action. Before I knew it Tina was wrapping her arms around me and crying. She was always a crier, it was to be expected I guess, but before I knew it every single one of us was in tears. It probably was a big awkward mess, but no one cared. Tina let go and we watched as Sam cried into Mikes shoulder.

It was hard to watch. I never knew just how much these two meant to each other. I had become friend with both of them since the breakup, but I never spent too much time observing their friendship. Sam had been so occupied with me and Mercedes that I feel bad all of a sudden for taking Sam away from Mike so much these past few months.

"Well, I guess it's time to end this party, huh?" We were now back in front of Rachel's house and deciding to part ways. "Come here, all of you." Mercedes pulled us all into a group hug and we held it for a bit too long, none of us really wanting to let go of this moment together.

"Let's do coffee tomorrow? It will give us all a chance to really talk together. Ya know, sober?" Tina finally stopped crying but the smile never left her face. The Lima Bean would be too public and I knew Sam wouldn't feel completely comfortable discussing anything there.

"Hey, my parents are in California visiting Cooper again. Why don't you all come over my place tomorrow. I'll make breakfast and coffee and we can talk somewhere a little more private?"

"Sounds good to me, but let's make it a late breakfast. I don't think you all realize its almost four in the morning." I knew it was late, but until Mercedes pointed it out I hadn't realized just how long this night had been.

"Got it, late breakfast. Noon?"

"Perfect. Now I have to drive Mike and Tina home. You guys going to stay here?"

"Yeah, I am going to stay here. It'd be rude to stumble in there this late anyway." Sam had a good reason, but I think avoiding he who must not be named was a higher priority of his now.

We said our goodbyes and the three loaded into Mercedes car, promising to see us in the morning. Staying at Rachel's wasn't on my mind, and as soon as they got into the car I turned to Sam.

"Let's go back to my house Sam. We can't be ourselves in there, and I think we need some alone time." Sam looked nervous, and I guess I should expect that, but I will make sure all of our experiences are great for him.

"Oh, ok. Let me get my keys." A few minutes later and we were on the road to my house. It was only a few minutes away, but I was having trouble concealing my excitement. I had to keep my hands of Sam, so I took my mind of him specifically and went back to the events of tonight.

"I am so happy you have Mike. I was terrified when I saw him, really."

"Oh my god, I don't think you understand. You and Mercedes mean so much to me, I can't even put it into words, but Mike is that part of my life that I need. Love has many forms, and I don't love anyone as much in that way as I love him."

I frown for a a split second because I don't really understand that feeling. I never really had anyone that was the best friend type that I didn't end up falling for. I was always a hopeless romantic but this felt a little sad, to be honest.

"You have support Sam. I know you aren't ready for everything, but the world is a changing place. A man being with a man isn't looked down on as much. Obviously some negativity exists, we have all seen it, but things are going in the right direction, and these people prove it."

"It just seems like too much to have to wait for. I don't want to be afraid of being myself. I don't have your outlook yet I guess."

"Yes, well. I have certainly perfected patience." I didn't mean for this to sound as it did, but it came across as bitterness and the mood change in Sam was instant.

"Blaine, I am so sorry for all of this. I shouldn't have hid from you so often. You think I would have learned that mistake the first time, but I don't know. I am just sorry you had to wait so long."

I didn't know what to say. The typical 'it's ok, I forgive you' just seemed so inappropriate right now, because I was feeling a little guilty about how it all happened too. Running. It is what I do and I did it again today. Sam says he should have learned from his mistakes, but how can I criticize him when I haven't learned from my own? I make the choice to call Dalton on Monday and pull my application, because I cannot use that as a crutch anymore.

I don't know what to say, so I grab his hand and just stare at him while he is driving. I don't think he knows just how worth the wait he is. He glances at me a few times and starts to smile. "What? What are you looking at."

"I can't believe I have you. You are astonishing, and I have you. Not just on the outside Sam. You are beautiful in and out. And I have you, but we haven't made it official."

"Made what official?"

"Sam Evans, will you be my boyfriend?"

"Yes! Of course! I didn't even think about it. I just assumed we were." He laughed and I joined him. It was sort of silly to have that conversation, but it was mostly for my comfort and I think he knows that. "Yes, Blaine Anderson. I will be your boyfriend."

"I will always be here for you Sam. I can't promise this will be easy, but I swear it is all on your time."

"I don't deserve you, Blaine. I don't know why you waited."

"None of that. I feel I am right where I should be, and that is all I need." I smiled at him as we pulled into my driveway.

We stepped out of the car and I started fishing in my pockets for keys when I was flipped around and pushed against the car by Sam. He kissed me more passionately then I ever had been before, and I just melted in his arms.

He pulled away and I'm pretty sure I whined ever so quietly as he did so. Sam just chuckled at me and grabbed my hand. "Come on, let's go inside."

I don't know what I am expecting. All I know that I am walking into my empty house, hand in hand with my boyfriend who I most certainly love, and I am determined to make Sam as happy as he could be.

I set him on the couch and ran into the other room to get a few candles and some soft music to play in the background. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and turned it off, throwing it on the chair and walking back into the room, my smiling boyfriend looking astonishing in the candlelight.

Everything leaves my body. Every feeling and emotion that human being had ever known were gone, except one. For the first time in months, I am nothing but happy.

**A few notes, guys. One, I know it was a long time coming. It actually look longer then I originally planned, but I hope it was worth it. This particular night in the story isn't over yet, and that is all I will say. Second, I had to throw a Harry Potter reference in here eventually, especially with Blaine being a main character. I hope you chuckled at that like I did. Third, yes, I am a complete dork. I am ok with it. =P Review please and see you next time!**


	10. Just a Kiss

**Hey guys. First thought: Nellie on The Glee Project was amazing with 'If I Were A Boy.' It makes me sad she probably won't win. Anyway, This chapter was a hard one to write. It didn't go where I originally had planned, so I owe you all something, but I got a thought and tried out a few things and liked where it started to go and I kept with it. I also am going to address a reviewer here because it may answer some questions for not only him, but for some of the rest of you too.**

_**To my guest reviewer: Jay. I understand a lot of what you said and since I cannot reply to you, I'll address it here. Some of what you said is done purposefully and others are why I ask for reviews. ;) First, and most importantly, I think Sam has a lot to prove and I like it that way. It's part of why I have written it as I have and is very much intentional. Secondly, the interaction with Mike is the only aspect of this story that reflects my life in the least, and it was important for me to have it here. I think the implications of how long Sam embraced either is vague and that is really just an oversight on my part as I didn't mean to imply Mike was more important then Blaine, but I would say that this interaction is the most real out of anything I have written. Sam is still very much jumpy about being himself in public, and he hadn't had Mike's approval until then.(The kiss line with Mike was a joke that didn't go over as well with you as it did me or my editor I suppose. sorry!) I would also like to point out that neither Blaine or Sam have uttered 'I love you' to each other yet. Both have agreed to the same question, and Sam's confirmation that he loved Mercedes was necessary given the situation, I think. Finally, on how good Sam and Blaine's friendship actually is and what Sam has done for Blaine was left very much out of the story as a whole. Going back to implications, I thought about writing sections about what happened between the night Sam told Mercedes and the choir room scene with 'Smile,' but I felt like that would have been dragging a long a bit, especially since I had the next few ideas pretty firmly planted in my head. So, I tried to show in a few paragraphs what could have taken a few chapters. It is definitely something I have to think about elaborating on since I'm seeing it may have not been clear and this is where I can further develop why Blaine was willing to wait. I think you are right in questioning, and there is more to come that I hope you give a chance. I have been far more in Sam's head then Blaine's these first chapters, but that will shift a little bit coming up. The relationship is just starting! Blaine is who I see as the main character in my head. His growth is more clear for me then Sam's and I feel Blaine is progressing just like I want him too. =D. Thanks for the review! You definitely got me thinking about an idea for a future chapter, and I appreciate it. **_

**Stop Crying Your Heart Out: Chapter 10  
Just A Kiss - Lady Antebellum**

**(Blaine)  
**

Something funny happens to you when you finally get something you have waited for, especially love. Elation tends to hide all other emotions when dreams come true, and it is hard to remember so many things you had problems with. That is where I am at now. I have so many questions, but when I look at Sam sitting on my couch I can only feel happiness.

He looks up at me and smiles, but that high that I am still on seems to have left Sam. His came with acceptance from his best friend, and a part of me couldn't interrupt that moment. I remember how hard it was for me when I was faced with accepting who I was. I transferred schools, and that is where I forgot to fight and focused solely on flight.

I moved quickly to his side, setting down the candles and music and wrapping my arms around him. His smile started to falter and my only thought was to hold him close. Neither of us said anything for a long while. All I could think of was that I really didn't know what to say to him.

To be honest, I was exhausted. The alcohol had all but worn off, but I was emotionally drained and unable to think of anything of real substance to say to Sam, so I just continued to hold him. I was actually comfortable just like this, but Sam was restless. He finally looked up at me and started to talk.

"When I was younger, maybe 7 or 8, I remember my parents sitting me down and telling me about a family friend that died. Her daughter was playing in the yard and had wandered into the street to get a ball or something. A car was coming and saw the little girl too late. The car swerved and barely missed the girl, but hit the mother running into the street to get her." Sam sighed and just was staring into the candlelight.

"My parents made me promise to never go into the street without an adult. I asked why, because I don't think I understood she died at the time. My mother just looked at me and said 'Becuase I want to meet your beautiful wife and my beautiful grandchildren one day.' I didn't really remember that until recently. What 7 year old would remember that?" He continued to stare and I couldn't read any emotion from his face.

"Sam, I don't understand. Why are you bringing this up?" He just continued as if I hadn't said anything.

"I started to think about you differently the night after we saw Kurt and Chandler in the movie theater. I wasn't completely sure what I thought, but I was singing you a song as I held you and you fell asleep. Do you remember it?"

"Yes, but only a little."

"If you had asked me, I would have said I was singing it to you, to help you get through what Kurt did to you, and it only would have been half true. A part of me was singing it for myself. There was a part where I was singing to God, asking for help. I wasn't sure why I was so invested and torn up over what was happening with you, so I asked for help. Mercedes sent me a text while you were asleep and I knew my heart belonged with her."

I started rub my hand down his arm and placed a kiss on the back of his head. It was the only way to comfort him right now that I could think of. My chest tightened a bit every time I thought about how important Mercedes was to him.

"Only, I took that sign incorrectly. All I could do was think about you and I did everything I could to stop. So eventually I came to understand how I felt about you, but I was scared. The only thing I could think of when I thought about being with you was my mother saying when I was 7 that she wanted a daughter in law and grand kids." He is still just staring into the candlelight. I am not even sure he has blinked this entire time.

I want to tell him that kids are always an option, and that his parents love him, but I know that isn't the point. People of faith get a bad wrap, and Sam has helped me see that not all Christians believe in the 'sin' of homosexuality. The problem though, I am quickly understanding, is that Sam seems to fear his parents are in that camp of faith, and his worry that he is either disappointing them, or that they could react with so much worse then disappointment, is the core fear in his life right now.

My family was never very religious, and they were also never around too much to even really care about me being gay. Cooper never had a problem with it, besides the occasional teasing, but he proved how much that didn't matter to him when I was with Kurt. I had a strange but stable home life and all the turmoil was in school. Sam wasn't certain of feeling safe at either place, and that was hard to help with.

"If Mike or Tina had reacted any differently, I don't know where we would be right now. I was trying to trust you and Mercedes, but I was about to let fear get the best of me. It took all of my strength to grab your hand and as I stared across that small distance at Tina and Mike, all I could think of was that if I had to let go of you to be safe, then I knew I never would be." A slight smile comes across his face, the first change in features in a long time. I reach down and grab his hand in mine and hold it out above the light.

We both stare at our hands for a little while and I start to hear the stifled cries, Sam holding his face in his other hand below me. I have to say something, but my mind is betraying me right now. I think back to all the experiences, all the film and all the music I have ever heard to find something, the perfect way to show that I am here for him. I think of nothing, and sigh before just saying what is in my heart.

"Sam, you are an incredible person. You are funny and sweet, smarter then you give yourself credit for and absolutely beautiful. You are brave, despite what you say. I see you fight your fears every day. With so much uncertain, you move forward and find a way not to run when every one in the world would forgive you for doing so." He breaks his gaze from the candle for the first time and moves to look me directly in the eyes, tears hanging in the corners of his eyes, fighting to fall down.

"Above all of that, you have an uncanny ability to inspire loyalty in you. Mercedes could have gone against you and didn't. Mike and Tina were actually sorry for not knowing something that you yourself didn't know until a few weeks ago. I..." I pause. I stare at him and now is when I realize that I questioned that loyalty. I had a reason, I guess, but I am the one who broke this chain.

"You showed me patience and friendship when you could have left for me not providing more. I saw how much it was hurting you, and it killed me every day. You have done nothing wrong. I owe you more then anyone."

I lean in and kiss him, quickly and sweet before I pull back and smile at him. There is still pain there, and I know it isn't something a quick talk can get him past, but we are on the right path. Through this all, I look at Sam, see his pain and want so much to help him through it, but I am still happy.

I can't explain it. When you are somewhere that feels right, your heart and mind, body and soul all converge to make you understand it. Sam wipes his eyes and smiles at me, and begins to chuckle as I smile wider at him.

It is a weird reaction, so I have to ask. "What is so funny?" His chuckle turns into a full blown laugh and while I have no idea, I laugh along with him. This is so strange but I can't help it. "Sam, please. I don't know what's going on." My laughter continues.

He finally calms down a bit and is smiling wider at me now. He looks at me, big goofy grin on his face, and says "My mom is gonna be so mad when she finds out you took away my chance at a wife."

I drop my smile into a frown. I've been around Sam enough lately to know that this isn't a normal reaction for him. He is trying to hide his panic with humour, and while it is working, I can't let him do that. "Sam... I don't know how you mom will react. They aren't here right now. You don't have to tell them anything until you are ready. I will be here though after that talk, and that won't change." I am sure to avoid hinting that it going badly could happen, even though he knows it might.

He sighs and I pull both of his hands into mine. "I'm sorry I ruined your night. I've made a real mess here, haven't I?"

"No Sam. We both made a mess, and we both have to deal with it."

"Not exactly how you pictured our night together did you? I'm sorry your plans went to waste." I really had no expectations for tonight, but Sam at least thought I did and it upset him.

"Sammy, any night where you and I are together is a step up in my book. You and I have a lot ahead of us, but I am happy you are here with me."

He moves in and starts to kiss me, laying me back on the couch. He moves over top of me and crashes our bodies together. I start running my hands over his back as he kisses me with more passion then I have ever known. He starts to move his hands down my face and to my chest. I put my hands underneath his shirt and feel his muscled back for the first time.

As he moves his hands down my torso, I feel the hesitation in his fingertips. I grab a hold of him and lift us back into a sitting position, separating his lips from my own. It is truly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

"You don't have to do this Sam. I wasn't expecting anything from you, and I don't think tonight is the right time for this." I expect disappointment, sadness, to cross his features but he smiles at me, surprising me yet again.

"I love you, Blaine. Thank you." They say you never forget the first time someone tells you they love you. Warmth courses through my body and tears of pure joy threaten to overtake my eyes. He is gazing at me with so much admiration and love and I can't take it.

My lips crash into his again and I kiss him for what seems like days. Our tongues fight for control until Sam eventually relents and lets me take over. When I finally come up for air, I give him one more peck on the lips before I pull him into a hug.

"I love you too, Sam. I am so happy you are here with me." We hold the embrace for a moment longer before Sam leans back and grabs my hand again.

"Blaine, I really do love you. I don't think I can tell you enough. I want to show you, but..."

"Sam, it's ok." He just sighs, looking like he has disappointed me and I have to show him he hasn't. I remember him singing to me, and I think of the perfect thing. I start to hum the intro and he looks at me with such admiration. "Country!" I just nod and sing to my boyfriend.

_Lying here with you so close to me_  
_It's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe_  
_Caught up in this moment_  
_Caught up in your smile_

_I've never opened up to anyone_  
_So hard to hold back when I'm holding you in my arms_  
_We don't need to rush this_  
_Let's just take it slow_

_Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight_  
_Just a touch of the fire burning so bright_  
_No, I don't wanna mess this thing up_  
_I don't wanna push too far_  
_Just a shot in the dark that you just might_  
_Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life_  
_So baby I'm alright_  
_With just a kiss goodnight_

He turns onto his side in my arms and is looking up at me as he steals the next verse from me, and I laugh and kiss his forehead as he sings.

**_(Sam)_**  
_I know that if we give this a little time_  
_It'll only bring us closer to the love we wanna find_  
_It's never felt so real_  
_No it's never felt so right_

_Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight_  
_Just a touch of the fire burning so bright_  
_No, I don't wanna mess this thing up_  
_I don't wanna push too far_  
_Just a shot in the dark that you just might_  
_Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life_  
_So baby I'm alright_  
_With just a kiss goodnight_

_No I don't want to say goodnight_  
_I know it's time to leave, but you'll be in my dreams_  
_Tonight, tonight, tonight_

**_(Blaine and Sam)_**  
_Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight_  
_Just a touch of the fire burning so bright_  
_No, I don't wanna mess this thing up_  
_I don't wanna push too far_  
_Just a shot in the dark that you just might_  
_Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life_  
_So baby I'm alright_

_Oh, let's do this right, _  
_Just a kiss goodnight_  
_With a kiss goodnight..._

There are tears in his eyes and I bring his lips close to mine, wiping the streaks from his face as I feel him smile against me. "You've been learning country for me?" It was barely a whisper, as if he couldn't believe it was possible. He is gazing up at me and it is clear that the gesture means more to him then I could have imagined.

"I actually like a lot more of it then I thought. There are some great songs out there. Plus, I wanted to see what you liked so much." He pulls himself up into a sitting position next to me and I already miss the feel of him against me.

"No one has ever done something like that for me." I lean up against him and put my head on his shoulder.

"Then I'll just have to make sure I can keep surprising you. I love the way you are looking at me right now."

"Well, I guess I should get going. I gotta come back in the morning for our big talk with the family!" I get up and put my arm around him as we walk to the door. He turns to me with a pout on his face. He kisses me one last time and turns to walk out the door.

I immediately wonder why I am not inviting him to stay here, and I almost laugh at myself for having to think about it. "Sam, stay here with me please." He turns with the biggest smile plastered on his face.

"I want nothing more." I lead him back to my bedroom and watch as Sam strips all the way down to just his boxers and I get to stare at my amazing boyfriend as he gets into my bed. I pull off all but my boxers and undershirt before flipping the light switch and cuddling up with Sam, a perfect end to an insanely crazy day.

**(Sam)**

I wake up with a body snuggled up close to me, and I don't think I have ever awaken with such a smile on my face. Blaine is so peaceful that I spend the next few minutes just staring at him.

Looking at Blaine like this makes me regret how much time I have wasted not waking up next to him. No one has meant as much to me as him, and to finally be here with him is a day I wasn't sure was going to happen.

I have been such a mess for a long while now, and this is the first time I truly feel like things are starting to fall into place. I can't forget all the hardships I have ahead of me, but they all seem so inconsequential when lying here with this boy in my arms.

So much has happened over the last few weeks, and a lot of the problems I have had I can't pin on anyone but myself. There is a lot I have to accept about myself, even now, but it is getting easier to do so and it all comes back to Blaine.

He is just as beautiful in the morning sunlight as he was in the moonlight just hours earlier. His perfect hair has started to come undone and I love it. He will probably freak out when he notices I've seen it, and the thought makes me let slip a small laugh.

I run my hand over his face and admire him in this state. He is so peaceful, and I can only think that that is the least he deserves. I had looked at Blaine in so many new ways lately, but I never saw him in such a state of calmness, and it brought a smile to my face.

I run my hand over his bicep and am impressed. I took real pride in my body, and while I knew Blaine worked out, boxing and what not, I never really took the time to look at him in this way until recently. He was in great shape too, his muscular chest I felt last night and arms around me right now make me wonder what he looks like without his shirt.

Before I know it I am fully hard and have to adjust my position so Blaine doesn't wake up with my erection in his side. As if he knew I was in a slightly embarrassed state, he began to stir. I had no clear why I was embarrassed about this though. The thought of getting to be with Blaine both emotionally and physically is so exciting.

I remember last night briefly and a slight frown comes to me. I wanted to show Blaine just how much he means to me, but he sensed my hesitation and stopped me. His concern for me made my heart swell, but I felt really awful about it. I have been so curious about what doing anything with him would be like, but I wasn't sure how to go about it. My lack of knowledge seemed like a joke. I've been with women and I know what feels good and what doesn't, but for some reason my brain emptied all that knowledge last night and replaced it with uncertainty.

"Good morning beautiful." I smile wide again and turn to him. I kiss him softly and he pulls me close.

"Good morning Blaine." I run my hand through his hair and his face turns from happy to mortified. I have to laugh at him and I quickly lose control. After a few moments I regain my composure and smile at him. "I think you are adorable, and I love your hair."

His face softens and the smile returns. He starts making out with me again and I am fully hard again within seconds. I haven't been this turned on in a long time, and Blaine quickly noticed. Without saying anything he pushes me onto my back and rolls on top of me. He moves from my lips to my neck and I moan out in pleasure.

He takes his lips off me and starts exploring my torso with his hands. He is smiling down at me and I can't help but smile back. He climbs off me and runs his hands down my abs. He runs his fingers over them and I try to stifle a bit of laughter. He just grins at me and comes back down for another kiss.

His hands make it to the waist of my boxers and he looks at me, looking for approval. I nod at him and he slowly runs his hand down over top of my boxers, his touch a mix of gentleness and eagerness. I groan out in pure pleasure as he moves his hand inside my boxers and grabs me for the first time.

He starts to move his hand up and down, slowly at first. Blaine starts to speed up, teasing the head with his thumb and giving me the best hand job in my life. I am in pure ecstasy, getting closer and closer to release. He moves his other hand to my balls and gently tugs and teases at them, his skill simply mind blowing.

My eyes start to roll back in my head and I am bucking into his hand at this point. Blaine is a master and I am on top of the world when we hear it. The doorbell chimes loudly and Blaine freezes mid stroke, both our eyes darting over to look at the clock.

"Shit. It's past noon, I had no idea!" Blaine is completely off me and the bed in seconds and I whimper at the loss of his hand. He hears and turns to me briefly with the goofiest smile. "Get dressed. We can finish this later." I will hold him to it.

I throw on my clothes from last night and sit back on the bed willing my erection to die down as Blaine runs to the door. I hear him usher them in and tell him he will be right back as he comes back into the room.

"I'm gonna fix my hair. I guess we can't pretend you didn't stay here since you are in the same clothes, huh?" I push down on my crotch and Blaine just laughs, making me blush a little.

"Shut up! I can't go out there yet!" If I wasn't laughing also it may have sounded harsh. "Quick, do your hair so we can at least field the questions together."

A few moments later we are walking out to the kitchen, Tina and Mercedes are roaming around getting things together while Mike has already started cooking up some bacon on the stove.

"Well good morning guys. Hope we didn't come at a bad time." Tina had the biggest smile plastered on her face and I knew I was blushing, again.

"We just woke up. We had a long night." Blaine lied, but the implications of his sentence were lost on him and Mercedes had him beet red in seconds.

"Oh, I bet you did." They were all laughing and Mike was just shaking his head focusing on his task.

"We talked! We just talked I swear!" I fought for our honor and Blaine just squeezed my hand as we were laughed at. We knew they were teasing, and honestly it was very relaxing and reassuring to see the idea of us together wasn't bothering them.

We joined our friends and helped prepare a feast worthy of recognition, or at least I thought so. I resigned myself to coffee duty as I was no where near a talented chef and the others had some form of competence that I did not. Blaine would have to teach me a few tricks in the kitchen one of these days.

I thought about this briefly and smiled, contemplating everything we get to try and do together, thinking back to just moments earlier as well and thinking the same thing. My cheeks may stain red permanently as I shake my head at where my own thoughts are taking me. Luckily, everyone is pretty focused and don't see me off in the corner adjusting myself again.

We settle down and Blaine plays host as we all joke around and make small talk about any and everything. We have an array of bacon, eggs, pancakes, fruit, bagels, and way too much other food for just the five of us.

"I got a call from Finn this morning." Mercedes started talking and we all gave her our attention. "The wedding isn't happening, but Rachel doesn't know. Finn, Mr. Shue, and her dads are forcing her to NYADA next year and taking her to the train station Saturday instead of to the wedding. He wants us all to be there to show our support."

"Oh, wow. Good for him. I couldn't believe she was going to skip out on NYC, even for him. I don't know if I would have the strength to do that." Blaine looked off into space seemingly thinking about what he would choose between love and dreams.

"Yeah, we will definitely be there." Tina took Mikes hand and they both smiled.

"There is one more thing." Mercedes looked like she didn't want to say it and it worried me a little bit. "Finn said Kurt will be there too, and he doesn't want a scene so..." She trailed off and Blaine and I just looked at each other.

I didn't hate Kurt. Maybe I should, but I really didn't. He had done so much good, not only for me but so many other people as well. I never understood what really happened and Blaine never talked about it. I knew there were some unresolved issues there but I wasn't about to push him into revealing anything on his end. I knew he had to have some idea of where it all went wrong though.

Kurt also seemed to become a whole new person. Between Dave and Chandler and NYADA and everything else, the only thing I can even think of is that he cracked under the pressure. Maybe we were wrong to choose sides so quickly? I shake the thought from my head. Blaine needed us, and I do not feel bad for being there for him.

"Maybe..." I trail off, not wanting to overstep my bounds, but knowing I had to suggest something. "Maybe I should go talk to him? We were close once."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Sam. I don't know how he would react if he thought you two were together. He was pretty mad at you when I talked to him the other day." Mercedes was calm and clear. Blaine sighed and looked at me again.

"I have to go talk to him. We haven't really talked since the break up without getting mad or begging to get back together. I have been putting it off but, I guess it has to happen eventually." To say I am not a tiny bit worried would be a lie. I trust Blaine, but a part of me thinks he still feels something for Kurt, even though he turned him down already.

"I'll go with you. I haven't talked to him much since the break up either and I have felt a little bad about it." Tina volunteered and I saw it relax Blaine just a little bit.

"Thanks Tina, but I have to talk to him alone. There is a lot to get off our chests." He signs and takes my hand under the table, providing me with a silent reassurance that only he knew I would need.

"So, what do you think you are going to do, Sam?" Mike spoke up and I shot him a questioning look, not understanding what he was talking about. "About telling everyone else, ya know. You and Blaine?"

"Oh." I paused. I thought about it a lot, but I hadn't really had time to process what I should do. "I don't know. Maybe only certain people at a time. I really like you guys knowing, but I don't know about the others. I wasn't even ready to tell you, Mike."

"I see." He looked hurt and I had to clear the air.

"Mercedes tried to get me to trust everyone, I was just scared. You were the most important one for me to tell though so I am glad you were there to find out, really."

"I know. Just do it at your own pace though. We saw the fear on your face." I just smiled at him and then looked back at Blaine who just staring off into space.

"Maybe I'll call and tell Rachel and Finn once they get to New York. I know she won't judge me at least, and baby steps right?" I laughed and dug back into my food. Blaine spoke up next.

"I think I have to tell Kurt something, but it's your place to, not me. I just don't know what to tell him."

"Just tell him you moved on."

"Yeah, but if he asks questions I don't think I could lie."

"Don't take this the wrong way Sam, but Blaine, if he asks who, tell him it doesn't matter who. You moved on because of how he treated you and that is all that matters in that." Mercedes smiled at me to show she meant no offense, and I took none.

"Well, that isn't totally true." I was surprised at this comment like everyone else was. We all shot him curious looks and he sighed. "I... can we not talk about this right now?"

"Are you not over him?" I was dreading the answer, but I had to ask.

"What? No! I mean, of course I am. That isn't the problem though." He looked pained and I didn't want to push. Mercedes did, however.

"What Blaine? We won't judge you. What is the problem?"

"I..." He sighed and looked from me to Mercedes and back to me again and it was then I understood. Blaine was over Kurt, but he blames himself for what happened between Mercedes and me.

"Blaine, it's ok. You don't have to..." He cut me off.

"No, it's ok. The truth is that it does matter who. I wouldn't have gotten over Kurt if it wasn't for Sam. The problem with that is that it ruined your relationship, and I am really sorry." He looked at me, his eyes pleading for forgiveness and I just leaned in and kissed him.

When we pulled back and looked toward Mercedes she had the biggest grin on her face. "Blaine, how many times do I have to say everything is ok? I was close to coming at you the first week, but I think you can thank the big lovable fool next to you for that not happening."

Blaine looked at me and smiled, finally accepting that where we were at now was a strange road but a lot of the loose ends were beginning to tie up. There was a rocky future, but it was clear now that there was one in the past that had to be rectified before we could truly move forward, and that was Kurt.

"We can tell Kurt if he is back to his old self again. I promise." I meant it too. Kurt could be a great friend, and while he wasn't that now, he was at once one of the best men I had ever known.

Conversation went back to far less serious topics after that and we just enjoyed our day together as friends. We played a few games and watched some movies. IN true glee kid fashion we had a mini sing along that was the perfect activity to lose ourselves in.

We all parted ways a little before dinner, having to return to our respective homes and loved ones. I went to Kurt's bedroom as soon as I got to the Hummel-Hudson house, but he was not there. It was probably a good thing, I should let Blaine talk to him first.

I then went to Finn's room to find him on the computer. "Where have you been, man?

"I took drunk Blaine home last night and crashed at his place. Mike and Tina and Mercedes were all over for a little party after party." Finn seemed to think nothing of it and just nodded and turned back to the screen. "What are you doing?"

"I am trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life."

"Is that the Army site? Finn, are you thinking of joining the Army?"

"Don't say anything to anyone, please. I should have closed that before you came in, I just wasn't thinking."

"Why do you want to do that? Mercedes told me you were calling off the wedding but I assumed you would go to New York with Rachel?"

"If I can honor my dad and bring honor back to the Hudson name, then..." He trailed off and I understood. I wouldn't try to talk him out of it, but I was hoping he would find a different path.

At that moment my phone started to buzz and it was Blaine on the other end. I clasped Finn on the shoulder and told him he could find me if he needed anything before retreating to my room to call Blaine back.

"Hey Sammy." He answered the phone and I smiled at his nickname for me.

"I forgot to tell you yesterday, I love when you call me that."

"Well Sammy it is from now on."

"When we are alone, of course." Blaine was silent for an abnormally long time."Blaine, are you ok?"

**This was super long. almost double all my other chapters but I didn't want to split this up for some reason. Next chapter will pick up directly at this point and continue with Kurt and Blaine's talk and the Roots Before Branches scene from the season finale! As always, review and let me know how you feel about this!**


	11. Go

**This was going to be up earlier, but when I originally finished this chapter, I felt terrible about it and trashed it. I don't want to post something I don't like. =/. So, I re-wrote it with a completely different direction then I had planned and here we are. This song is one of my favorites, and there isn't anything I can say that does it justice. So... Enjoy! **

**Stop Crying Your Heart Out: Chapter 11  
****Go - Boys Like Girls**

**(Blaine)**

Silence.

"Blaine, are you ok?" Patience, Blaine. Patience. You knew things with Sam wouldn't be as open as they were with Kurt. Just, have patience.

I took a deep breath and sighed, letting my frustration leave me. "Yeah, Sammy. I am fine. What are you up to?"

"Oh, well I was just talking to Finn about his plans. Are you ready to talk to Kurt tomorrow?"

"I guess so. He seemed excited when I called him and I think my first mistake was not making it immediately clear we are not getting back together. This could turn ugly."

"A part of me wants to just ignore him, but I know that isn't right. We need to give him a chance I think. I knocked on his door when I got home. He wasn't here though. Probably a good thing, cause I don't know what I would have said."

"Just remember, you have nothing to be afraid of. Nothing he could say would get me back together with him now, ok?"

"I know. I wish I was sleeping in your arms again tonight."

"It is probably a good thing you aren't. I don't think I'd be able to keep my hands off you and I really need to sleep."

"Now I really wish I was there!" We both broke out into laughter. It was so easy to forget the things threatening my patience. Through it all I am grinning like a fool and just happy at where this could be going.

"Goodnight Sammy. I love you."

"I love you too babe. 'Night." I remember this part of relationships, where hanging up the phone becomes the saddest thing you do. I just have to get through Kurt and I'll see him again.

Morning came way too quickly and I realized quickly that I still haven't recovered from the craziness of the last few days. Luckily I was meeting Kurt ad The Lima Bean and would have some energy soon enough.

Driving over there I couldn't help but think about how this time last year everything was so different. In love with a different person, still so much to learn and so excited about all of it. These past few months have been a whirlwind of emotion and I almost feel as if I have some sort of whiplash from it all.

I lost a lot of confidence in myself in such a short time, and while it is coming back, I am not sure I am in a safe place yet. Things with Sam are new and very exciting but there is a fear with him that I never felt with Kurt. Kurt always knew who he was and being with someone who was still discovering themselves was an element I never thought I'd be facing in my life. There are feelings in this situation that I have to consider far more then my own, and the only thing I can do for Sam is try to understand and show him support.

I do owe Sam a lot. In the weeks following my break up with Kurt I could have easily been lost and chosen the wrong paths. I was still lost, my feelings for Sam coming way too quickly and from no where, but he showed me support and kindness that I needed. My world was spiraling down and if he wasn't there to catch me I could have broken forever.

I didn't know, nor could I have suspected, the confusion going on in Sam. I held a lot of resentment for his abrupt abandonment of me. Some may say i was being dramatic, but it was like a fish out of water feeling those few weeks. I was using him and his willingness to be close to me to get over Kurt, and it wasn't healthy.

So, while I did almost hate him for a little while, that abandonment actually helped me. I of course never did hate him, my attraction grew even stronger while we were apart. I had finally decided to move on, or backwards if you want to call it that, and go to Dalton when Sam kissed me and shattered all the strength and confidence I had mustered up to that point.

We were inseparable after that kiss. We never spoke about it and I was ok with that, as long as we were spending time together. The only thing I could think was that he was trying to figure this out and I should give him time, so I did. In the weeks leading up to him breaking up with Mercedes, Sam showed me a new way to look at everything.

With Sam, everything was about bigger meanings and the journey rather then the destination. We were eating dinner one night when he told me of the last year in Kentucky. I always felt guilty about what I had said to him right before sectionals, and while I had apologized, now I really had to make him see how much I regretted it.

I never expected to hear the whole story, but it was heartbreaking. Everyone knew he stripped while he was in Kentucky, but very few people knew the whole story.

**(A few weeks ago)**

"You don't have to tell me, Sam. It's ok. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am that I said that."

"It's ok. It will be good to talk about, and you are the first one I've wanted to talk about it with." He was then silent for a few moments, as if thinking how to start. I just sat there sipping my drink and staring at him.

"My father got a job with a construction company and so did I, at Dairy Queen. We were both working to put food on the table and maintain rent of the small house we were able to find. Things were going ok for a while, not fantastic but we managed. Well, my dad lost his job, again. We had nothing saved up and we only had like three weeks until rent was due again or we'd be out on the street. I couldn't do that to Stacy and Stevie, so I looked around. No one was willing to give a minor any real, good paying job and I almost gave up.

"One night I was inquiring about a job in a local restaurant and I was told since they served alcohol I couldn't work there. One of the guys at the bar overheard my conversation with the manager and called me over. Long story short, he was one of the managers of the strip club and offered to pay me under the table since I looked old enough to pass as 18." He sighed and took a big gulp of water before continuing.

"I almost didn't take it. I was appalled at first, but it wasn't until the next night that I knew I had to. I walked in after my shift at Dairy Queen to Stacy crying about not wanting to live in the car again. I lost it. I went back outside and called the guy immediately." He was tearing up and I grabbed his hand. It was the first time since the kiss that we had any real physical contact and he didn't pull away.

"It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I kept the job at Dairy Queen and worked one night a week just to have something to tell my parents, cause I knew they couldn't know. Men and women both grabbed at me and propositioned me. I never slept with anyone for money, if that is what that look of fear was for Blaine." I felt so bad jumping to conclusions, but he obviously didn't blame me for doing so. I was relieved.

This story was heartbreaking. I was having a hard time keeping it together but I knew I had to for him. He was keeping his composure really well, all things considered and I was feeling worse and worse every second for the accusations I threw at him when we first met.

"I lost my virginity while I was there though. A nice girl who worked at Dairy Queen with me who tried her hardest to make me feel like everything was ok. She never told anyone about my other job and covered for me far more then I could have ever asked.

"I was making enough money to keep everyone under a roof and the job at Dairy Queen helped us have a little bit of an easier time with food. A week before Finn and Rachel found me my dad had just gotten another job. Quitting never occurred to me though since his job security never existed.

"I was really tired of being groped at and whistled at but I had accepted my job. It's funny, I guess. With so many people staring and throwing money and trying to show how perfect I was, I never felt more worthless in my life. When Rachel and Finn showed up I broke down. I just wanted to be happy again and it was really selfish but I had to do it; I had to leave Kentucky with them. Everything after that you know." He wiped his eyes and gave a shrug as he could see the guilt across my features.

"I am so sorry, Sam. I can't begin to understand how you felt. You are a really good guy Sam. I'm glad the experience didn't ruin your amazing heart." He smiled at me, that beautiful smile and I knew he didn't hurt so much from it anymore.

"The point is, Blaine, that things get bad. I hated myself. I really did. I did what I had to for my brother and sister. I would probably do it again. But, look what it led me too. You and Mercedes and wonderful friends and stability for my family. I hated it, but i can't hate the results. Everything happens for a reason."

"You really believe that, Sam? I don't know..."

"Of course I do. I am who I am because of those things. Luckily they are in my past, and no one else in my life will have to know. I guess it wasn't as bad as it could have been either."

"I don't know that I could ever be that accepting about something like that. I mean, if I had to to do it I don't think I'd ever be the same." I was failing miserably at trying to sound helpful and caring.

"I'm not the same, Blaine. What else was I supposed to do, though? If I start to look down on myself for what I did or start to feel sorry for myself I won't be able to move on, and I can't do that. It happened, and it led me here. I can't feel bad about that or this place will be ruined for me too."

I sort of actually understood. I had no idea what to say, but I understood. My features must have betrayed me, because Sam just chuckled and shrugged at me.

"Everything that happens you can either let it destroy you or you can learn from it. I'm not saying that I am strong enough to overcome anything, but this was the hardest thing and I got through it, mostly because of perfect timing from Rachel and Finn. More time there and I don't know that I'd feel the same way."

"I am glad you are here. Who knows where I'd be if you weren't." He didn't respond right away. He stared at me for a few moments before he said anything.

"You had a plan without me, didn't you? I mean, if I hadn't come along you would have had a rough time, but you would have gone back to Dalton and all your friends, you would have been ok eventually. I'm sure of it. You are stronger then you realize I think. Probably my fault, being your crutch and all." He laughed and I smiled.

Could that be right? Would I have been fine without him? I guess It's possible. I never dealt with a break up before. Oh well, it didn't pan out that way and I am happy with how everything has happened.

"I'll just have to show you that the future is far more powerful then the past, Blaine. Sure, the past has lessons, but the future has hope, and hope is far more important."

**(Present Day)**

After Sam told me about his experience I spent a good week groveling for forgiveness for what I said. I eventually stopped when he threatened to leave me on the side of the highway one day. Ever since that talk Sam tried to show me everything I have to gain from what has happened, and I tried to listen.

Little by little I saw everything I had gained and what was still out there. It was easy to overlook, but I had a real group of friends now. We hung out and had fun like real friends do, and most of these friends would be around next year too. I also had an increased role to look forward too in glee, especially being one of the few seniors and having already been sort of a leader at Dalton, something I wouldn't necessarily get back if I went there.

There was also the budding relationship between us. I was starting to fall, and fast. Sam was so good at unintentionally throwing hope my way just as I was starting to think it wasn't going to happen. I eventually became so convinced and was so close to heartbreak again when I thought it was really over.

Anyway, it has only been a few days but I feel my old self returning. I was different, that was certain. Sam really made me look at the kind of person I was. I realize that right now I need to be strong for Sam and I am remembering how comfortable I am in that sort of role. He spent a lot of time caring for me and I know I can do the same for him now. He truthfully infuses me with confidence, and it is helpful when I need to shift some of it back to him.

Right now, though, I need to do the same for Kurt. He will always have a special place in my heart, my memories, but I have moved on and I need to show him all Sam has shown me. He has a future and maybe hearing it from me is what can push him out of this poison cloud he has been stuck in for so long.

I pull into the parking lot a few minutes early and rush in to get my coffee. I notice as I am standing in line that I'm shaking a little bit. I really am nervous about how this is going to happen. I am glad I'll have a few minutes before Kurt shows up to get myself under control.

Everything seems like it is going towards a good and safe direction in my life, but right now I can't help but feel like I am walking back into the storm. I spend a few minutes just staring at my cup, taking the occasional sip, and don't even notice when Kurt walks in.

"Hello Blaine." I look up to see him sitting down, coffee already in his hand. Immediately I see he looks different. He looks, among other things, tired. "How have you been."

"I've been worse." I say it with a smirk and he responds with a knowing nod.

"I don't really know what to say here. I guess I can only say sorry. I don't really know if anything else will matter."

"It's a good start, but what exactly are you expecting Kurt? I need to know that."

"You called me. I thought... I just hope I am not too late."

"Too late for what?" I knew the answer, and I knew what I had to say, but I was basically stalling to try and figure out the right way.

"Blaine, I love you. I don't know what came over me. It all started because I was afraid of leaving you and then I thought it would just be easier to focus on my future instead of us. You started to pull away too and then I went the wrong way." He sighed and looked at me, pleading to understand.

I did start to pull away from him. I thought if we practiced a little distance then we would be more prepared when he left for New York. Unfortunately, I didn't get until now that Kurt took my actions as much more seriously then I intended, and I suppose I should feel sorry about it. I wasn't the one who cheated though, and so any guilt evaporates pretty quickly.

"I don't know Blaine. I know I don't have any reason. I really didn't think I was doing anything wrong. He was flirting with me and I just thought it was harmless. I never thought you'd leave me and I didn't take it seriously."

"I didn't expect you to admit that."

"I was the only one who didn't see it. Rachel and Finn stood by me but even they were getting tired. I could tell but I was in too deep at that point. I started going out with Chandler to try and make you jealous and you just ran and that only made me angry."

"You reacted to every single situation thinking only of yourself and not me. That's where you went wrong."

"I always had to look out for myself Blaine! No one else would! It is how I have been able to survive!" He raised his voice and slammed his fist on the table.

"Let's get out of here, people are starting to stare at us." He sighed and gave a frustrated look around at those faced towards us. We picked up our drinks and walked out towards the park just a little ways down the road.

"Kurt, I know how that is. I dealt with some of the same stuff until I went to Dalton. Maybe I had it easier, but I do know what it's like."

"No you don't. You were the star of your school. No one thought a single bad thing about you. I had a small group of people who supported me, sure, but I was in a group where I was barely recognized.

"I finally started to feel like I had a future and NYADA rejected me, leaving me with nothing. I have no future and I have nothing to look forward to. Then you called. I know I have a lot to make up for. I really am sorry and some people really helped me see what I was doing. Rachel, Finn, and Mercedes all took me down a few pegs.

"I took time away from the group, as you noticed. What you probably didn't know was because it was made pretty clear I wasn't welcome. I literally had nothing, no pun intended, after that. It's a lot easier to see all you did wrong when you have so much time to reflect. I know how wrong I was and I'm sorry. I need to learn how to rely on others. Having those relationships, having those unsure trusts and unknowns, all of it is better to face with friends, and the one you love, then doing it alone. I am so just done with all of this. Reap waht you sow, I know, but I just cant take it anymore.

"So your original question; I was expecting that you and I could talk and maybe work towards getting close again. I was hoping that people would be willing to give me another chance, especially you. We had something, and I want a chance to get back to that."

I was silent for a long time. I didn't know what to say and he wasn't being nearly as pushy or as confrontational as I was expecting. If he were it would make this a lot easier. I was having trouble coming up with the best way of taking away this only thing he admitted to having hope in. I almost felt like I couldn't do it, but then if he sensed my struggle, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I picked it up and it was a text from Sam.

"How's it going babe? Be strong. See you soon. =)" I smiled and quickly put my phone away before Kurt looked my way. I was with Sam, and that makes me happy and that is what's right.

"Kurt. I believe you are sorry. I even believe you are trying to change. I really think you could be on the right path now, but believe me when I say that it would take a lot more then an epiphany you were forced into and one coffee chat to get back trust, if any at all was left to gain."

"I know, but we have a chance. Don't tell me you can't feel it here, just talking again? I do. Being with you was always the happiest I was. I know you owe me nothing, but can't our past speak for something?"

"It's too late Kurt." The anger, the hatred, the vengeance Kurt was all capable of flashed through his eyes. I braced myself, physically and mentally, for what could possibly happen. I was ready to face this storm, for Sam, only the storm never came. Kurt did what I never thought he would and let it go. Tears formed at his eyes and it was then that I truly saw the change in him.

"I know it is. I know. It was the only hope I had though. And now, there is nothing."

"That's bull, Kurt." I looked him in the eyes and he opened and closed his mouth a few times as if trying to find the right words.

"There is nothing in my future Blaine. What am I supposed to do?" It seemed obvious to me but I had to remember how logic never came easy when you were in a bad place. Someone had to show me the way and I needed to try and do the same for him.

"You may not have gotten into NYADA, but you are talented Kurt. Talk with Rachel. You know she is just as dramatic as you and will understand better than anyone. Room with her in New York, get a job and audition or do whatever you can. It is too late for you and I, but there will be someone out there for you. You just have to believe you are good enough. You did at one point, find that again." By this point we had made it to a series of benches overlooking a large fountain and I was sitting on the edge as he paced back and forth.

He stopped and stared at me for several moments before asking me his next question. "Why are you being supportive? You could be the biggest ass and no one would blame you, not even me."

"Because someone showed me kindness when I thought it would never be there, and I can do the same for you. You will always be special to me Kurt, and while I could hate you, I just want you to be as good as you can be." He put his head down and tears started to fall. I had nothing else to say, but watching him I knew I had one last song for him. His tears fell harder as I began.

_Little change of the heart, little light in the dark,_  
_Little hope that you just might find your way up out of here._  
_Cause you've been hiding for days, wasted and wasting away,_  
_But I got a little hope today you'll face your fears._  
_Yea I know it's not easy, I know that it's hard,_  
_Follow the lights to the city._

_Get up and go_  
_Take a chance and be strong,_  
_Or you could spend your whole life holding on,_  
_Don't look back just go._  
_Take a breath move along,_  
_Or you could spend your whole life holding on,_  
_You could spend your whole life holding on._

_Believe the tunnel can end, believe your body can mend,_  
_Yea I know you could make it through cause I believe in you._  
_So lets go put up a fight, lets go make everything alright,_  
_Go on and take a shot go give it all you got._  
_Oh yea I know it's not easy, I know that it's hard,_  
_Know that it's not always pretty._

Kurt collapsed on the ground, sitting and crying into his arms.

_Get up and go_  
_Take a chance and be strong,_  
_Or you could spend your whole life holding on,_  
_Don't look back just go._  
_Take a breath move along,_  
_Or you could spend your whole life holding on,_  
_You could spend your whole life holding on._

_Don't wanna wake up to the telephone ring,_  
_Are you sitting down I need to tell you something,_  
_Enough is enough you can stop waiting to breath,_  
_And don't wait up for me._

I got up and moved to sit down next to him, putting my arm around him to show that I really believed he had a chance in New York, and that even after all that's happened, people still do believe in him.

_Get up and go,_  
_Take a chance and be strong,_  
_You could spend your whole life holding on._  
_Don't look back just go,_  
_Take a breath move along,_  
_You could spend your whole life holding on._

_Get up and go, take a chance and be strong,_  
_Or you could spend your whole life holding on,_  
_Don't look back just go._  
_Take a breath move along,_  
_Or you could spend your whole life holding on,_  
_You could spend your whole life holding on._  
_Don't spend your whole life holding on._

"I'm sorry, Blaine..." He spoke through the sobs and I knew he meant it.

**(Sam)**

I arrived at the train station and was waiting in the parking lot for Blaine to get here. Today was the day we were going to see Rachel off, and he was going to meet me here after his coffee with Kurt this morning. A part of me was worried that he would find something in Kurt he still loved and want to give it another chance. The idea really scared me and I decided to call mike while I wait for a little advice.

"Hey buddy! What's up? Tina was just about to come over before we head to the train station."

"Yeah, I am already here. Going to meet Blaine after his coffee date with Kurt." I must have scoffed or sounded particularly snide because Mike picked up on it right away.

"Come on, man. You know it isn't a date. He even told you he wouldn't do it if you didn't want him to."

"I know, I know. I just can't help but feel like there is something there he might still want."

"I really don't think so Sam, but I don't know. I mean, if Tina and I ever broke up it would probably take a long time for me to give up on it. On the other hand, Kurt did a lot of really messed up stuff, and Blaine has you."

"Yeah but, it would be easier with Kurt, for him at least." Mike was laughing and I couldn't figure out why. I was pretty defeated here and he was laughing at me. "What!"

"Kurt, easy? That's funny man, you have to admit. Even if he didn't do all that stuff to him, Kurt was never one for mellow and down to earth. Blaine is probably enjoying how low key you guys are."

"Low key or non-existent? You see us in public you'd have no idea. I know, that is my fault, but I don't know what to do." I was frustrated. I knew I had to start taking steps to telling people or he would get fed up and go. I think I would if someone couldn't admit to others how they loved me.

"Do you really want my opinion man? I am sure Blaine understands, but if you don't work on being ok in public, you might risk losing him. I'm not telling you to come out right now, but you only told me by accident and I'm leaving soon. Wouldn't it be better to do this while we are here to support you?"

"It would definitely be easier with you guys here. I'd like to be able to tell everyone."

"Blaine had to come out once too. I don't know how that was for him. Have you ever talked about it?" I can't believe it never occurred to me. We talked about how I was afraid to do it, and Blaine even mentioned his before but I never asked exactly what happened.

"No, I haven't..." I said it more to myself then to Mike, and I didn't even hear the next thing he said. Maybe hearing Blaine's story could help me. I know he went through some rough times before Dalton, and look at him now.

"Hello? Sam?"

"Oh, sorry Mike. I was thinking. Thanks man. I'll see you in a few?"

"Yep, once Tina gets here we'll be on our way." I hung up with Mike and threw my head back, rubbing my eyes and wondering what the hell happened.

I think I should stick with my original plan. I will tell Rachel and Finn when they reach New York and then talk with Blaine and try to find the strength to be open with everyone else. Just as I was thinking over this plan, Blaine pulled in next to me and my face lit up.

I got out of the car and walked over to his window that was already rolled down. I leaned in and kissed him and he backed out of it until I forced myself towards him. He pulled off me after a second with a split look of confusion and happiness. "What are you doing, Sammy?" He whispered as if we were in a crowd.

"I have to start somewhere, right? Why not here. It isn't really public though." He pulled me back in this time and kissed me with pure passion.

Moments later our friends started finding their way into the parking lot. Sugar and Rory arrived first, coming over and hugging Blaine and I as if we hadn't seen each other in months when it really had only been a week. Mr. Shue and Mrs. Pillsbury came next and it was good to see them. I hadn't thought of talking to either of them until right now when I saw them, and I then decided that I would tell them like practice for my parents.

Everyone else made their way there in the next few minutes, yet we were still a half hour away from Rachel and Finn showing up. Kurt also hadn't arrived yet and I hadn't had a chance to talk with Blaine about how the talk went, so I was worried it didn't go well. I shot him a look and all he did was shrug.

We hung out and laughed and mainly caught up with Mr. Shue. We don't usually see him outside of school and he is such an important person to us all that seeing him is like a rare treat. Mike does manage to pull me away for a second to make sure I was doing ok and when we made it back into the group Mercedes was talking on the phone.

She hung up and informed us that Kurt was on his way and that Rachel and Finn were just a few minutes behind him. We made our way over to the platform and waited. When Kurt showed up he briefly looked Blaine's way before making his way over to Mercedes and engaging her in conversation. If you didn't know nay better, looking at us you would have no idea the tension in the air.

Blaine leaned in and whispered in my ear. "Everything went ok I think. I will tell you tonight at my place?"

"It would be my pleasure." I gently grabbed his hand for a moment behind my back and squeezed, the most affection I could show right now. Blaine squeezed back and let go and I almost chuckled at our little secret contact, because it did sort of feel silly.

When Finn and Rachel finally turned the corner, there were tears streaming down her face. She was the only one with a suitcase, and it was then I should have known, but none of us seemed to pick up on the implications. She hugged a few people and made contact with a few others. Not surprisingly she hugged Kurt, but the look of happiness and some other emotion I couldn't figure out covered his face, and I knew that something wasn't right.

She got on the train and Finn didn't follow. As soon as she was out of sight, all he said was that he didn't want to talk about it. No one did and we all waved and some of us cried as the train began to depart, Finn chasing her as far as he could go. He then turned back to us with tears in his eyes.

"I had to let her go." In that one sentence we all understood. People rushed up to comfort him and show him the support we could. While I was surprised, I was proud of Finn for making that choice. I went up to hug him and when I stepped back he held on to my shoulders looking directly at me.

"Sam, I think I made up my mind, about, ya know. Can we talk a little bit?"

"Yeah, Finn. I'm not busy until tonight." With that, Finn and I made plans for lunch and I knew what he was talking about, although no one else did. Blaine came up to my window after we all said our goodbyes.

"What was Finn talking about?"

"I really can't tell you, not yet. But I promise I will when I can, ok?" He looked around for a second before pulling me into an extra long embrace, holding me for several moments before pulling back.

"I just wanted to hold you for a minute. I've wanted to since this morning. I'll still see you tonight, right?"

"Of course babe. I'm all yours."

"Be careful what you say Sammy." He walked away with the widest grin i had ever seen and I had to laugh. This day was already insanely emotional and it wasn't even noon yet.

I moved my car to the road and started driving off back home. In My Life came on the radio and I thought back to our goodbyes to the seniors, realizing that Rachel was the first to go and realizing that I had many more hard goodbyes to come.

This summer was going to be a hard one.

**~~So, Insanely sad to hear from Comic-Con that Damian/Rory won't be returning next season! A chapter coming soon was going to be about Mercedes leaving for LA, but now I'm gonna do a joint Mercedes and Rory departure in tribute. =( Sorry to all the Rory fans out there: He wasn't the best actor, but I loved every song he sang and was an unashamed fan. haha. **

**Also, I am on vacation next week so it will be a long road without an update. I will try to sneak one more in here before I leave. Seeya next time folks, and as always, review!~~**


	12. If The Moon Fell Down

**I have no introduction for this chapter, other than this song is freaking incredible. Go listen to it. Nothing else to say =D. Just, enjoy. =)**

**Stop Crying Your Heart Out: Chapter 12  
If The Moon Fell Down - Chase Coy ft. Colbie Caillat**

**(Sam)**

Finn was waiting for me back at his house and I knocked on his door with a mixture of fear and compassion. Finn had probably just done one of the hardest things in his life, and quite possibly is about to do something else just as difficult. "Yeah?"

"Finn, It's Sam."

"Oh, come in." I opened his door to him wiping his eyes and sitting up on his bed. I instantly moved and sat down next to him, putting my arm around him. He let slip a small smile and just looked down at his hands.

"Wanna talk about something? It stays between us."

"Thanks Sam." He didn't say anything else for a while. I leaned back against the wall and waited patiently for him to start. I knew this summer was going to be a rough one for a lot of people, but I don't think I was prepared for this.

"I enlisted, Sam. I'm going to boot camp in a few weeks." I wasn't surprised. I actually was pretty sure he was going to when I first discovered he was thinking about it. "I have to do this Sam." I didn't know what he wanted from me. He didn't sound sure, almost as if he was in his own way asking me to fight him about it.

"Do you want me to talk you out of it?"

"A little. No, no not really. I just want someone to tell me it isn't stupid. Rachel told me I was crazy. I just want to know..."

"Finn, I will be worried about you, but no, it isn't stupid. You are really sure of this?"

"If I can redeem my father in any way, make him proud in any way, I have to try. If I don't do it now I will always question this. Life is too short to be afraid." That hit me hard. I put my hand on his shoulder in understanding but stayed silent. Why am I afraid of my friends, of all people, and Finn isn't afraid of going off joining the army?

"Finn. You have to follow your heart. If a piece of your father is still missing, do what you can to repair it if you have to. Don't forget about Rachel though. You two are meant to be, I'm positive."

"Thank you Sam. So much. Letting her go was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I guess I have a big announcement to make to people." Finn was being remarkably brave and I feel a little embarrassed at how fear has been overpowering my love for Blaine. For some reason, talking to Finn is giving me just enough strength to pass that fear right now.

"Finn, I..." I dropped my head and he shot me a curious look.

"What's wrong dude?"

"Better make that two announcement's. Can I tell you something and can you please just not say anything until I'm done?"

"Sure, anything." I can't believe I am about to do this. I stand up and start pacing back and forth. I try to muster up any and all the confidence I have and when I turn to look at Finn I just have to blurt it out so that I do not chicken out.

"I really need you to be calm and more importantly stand by me. I have been in a weird place and I have been working towards this point and I was going to tell you over the phone when I thought you were going to New York." I stopped and sighed. Finn looked like he was about to talk and I just put my hand up to stop him.

"Finn, I am dating someone that I am very much in love with. I never thought this would ever happen and I don't feel like I've changed, I just feel like it is right. So please do not freak out when I say that... I am in love with Blaine." I turn around as I say this last part because I honestly do not want to see him looking at me. I am surprised when he flips me around and pulls me in for a hug.

"I know, Sam." It is all he says and I am in shock.

"You know? You...know? Wait, does everyone know? How do you know? What has everyone been sayi..." I am startled when he sort of yells at me.

"Sam, stop! Let me be clearer. I didn't really know, but you know Rachel. She suspected the other night at her house when you all disappeared. And no, she didn't talk with anyone else about it. It's just me and her." A mixture of relief and, surprisingly, disappointment come over me. For a second I think that if everyone has been gossiping about us that finally revealing the truth will be much easier, but that isn't really what I want and I am glad it's just Finn and Rachel in on my secret. "And Sam, I really don't care if you are gay. My brother is Kurt after all."

"I'm not actually...ugh, I don't even know what to call myself. I just love Blaine. I am not attracted to you at all, no offense, or any other guy even. Maybe I could be, but I haven't ever been before." Finn just clasps his hand on my shoulder and smiles the biggest, friendliest grin before he spoke.

"It's ok, Sam. Maybe you are just a guy who is in love with the best person you have ever met and nothing else matters. Wait, you said dating, didn't you? How long?"

"First off, that was one of the smartest things you have ever said. And yeah, just a few days now. I have been sort of freaked out about this for a while. I kind of kissed him two months ago and we've been inseparable since though. It was why Mercedes and I broke up."

"Holy crap dude. She didn't tell anyone. We all wondered what happened."

"Yeah, she is sort of the reason I am able to talk about this at all. I almost had a meltdown when Mike and Tina found out."

"Mike and Tina know? Sam, like half the glee club knows already, now Rachel and I will have confirmation...I can tell Rachel right?"

"Let me call her, if you don't mind?"

"Oh. sure. Of course. Anyway, half of us know already and everyone else is still our family Sam. I guess I can understand being afraid, but none of us would have abandoned you. You have to see that." The truth was that he was right and while I knew it, I was purposefully ignoring it. No one had reacted badly and not a single person had treated me differently.

"I was just afraid that once people found out, it was gonna be way to real and I wouldn't have a way out. I've been having a hard time telling you guys, I don't know what will happen with my parents.

"We will be here for you. Don't forget that." This time I hugged him as I sighed waves of stress from my system.

I left Finn's room and went to lay down, thinking of the options I have. I really see no negative outcome telling the glee family. I know I am not ready to tell my parent's yet, that is certain. I smile thinking about being able to be open with Blaine, at least in front of our friends.

Blaine comes into my mind and literally erases everything but him. He is perfection in every sense of the word and so many exciting and new thoughts come into my head. I've been so afraid of so many things that I realize I haven't told Blaine all the things about him that I love. I have to show Blaine and the perfect plan is starting to form in my head. Before I know it I am fast asleep.

A few hours later I am roused when a knock comes to my door. I get up and open my door to find Kurt.

"Hey, Sam." I rub my eyes and oh crap. I forgot about Kurt! How will he react if I tell everyone Blaine and I are together? I'm not sure telling him is the best idea.

"Hi. Sorry, I guess I fell asleep. What's up?"

"I just wanted to thank you for being a good friend to Blaine through all this. I actually kinda hated you for a little bit, but Mercedes told me how you two have stood by him. Just, thank you."

Mercedes was looking out for me longer then I knew. I smile at the realization that she inserted herself into the situation, probably in an attempt to keep suspicion from arising.

"I'll always be thankful for all you've done for me Kurt. I was a friend to Blaine like I would be to anyone who needed it. I'm sorry I didn't check on you too."

"No, it's fine Sam, but thanks." He gave me a slight smile and sauntered back to his room. I started to turn back into my room when he called my name. I stuck my hed back out into the hallway and he was waiting at his door. "I also just want to say, sorry. Maybe we can be friends again soon?"

"Sure Kurt, I'd like that." I closed my door and walk back to my bed. I sigh and rub my eyes as Kurt has really just made this a little more difficult. It was easier, in my head at least, to tell everyone when Kurt was a jerk. As I lay down my plan comes rushing back into my head and I look at the clock. I only have a few hours so I rush a shower and get ready to go. I sent Blaine a text to start my plan as I leave, picking up my guitar, yelling to everyone that I am going out, and dialing Mike's number all as I run out the door.

"Hey Mike, can you do me a huge favor?"

"What do you need man?"

"I need to get Blaine away from his house for like an hour. Can you invite him over or something?"

"It's kind of late. You think he will come out?"

"Just say you wanted to talk to him about something. I already texted him saying I was helping Finn with something and wouldn't be able to come over right away."

"You have a plan, don't you Sam? I might have to get some romance tips from you sir! Ok, I will try and text you when I have an answer."

I laughed. "We can trade secrets then. Talk to you soon."

I hung up with Mike and ran into the local Target to get a few items. Everything was coming together and I was excited about my surprise for Blaine. After about 20 minutes my phone buzzed and I expected Mike to be letting me know the coast was clear, but it was Blaine.

"Hey. Mike just texted me and asked me if I wanted to meet him at the Lima Bean. Any idea why?"

"No clue babe. Maybe he just wants to get to know you better. He is my best friend after all and one of the only people who know about us. He did mention he hadn't really talked to you in a while." Thank god he didn't call. Coming up with this on the spot would be a little too hard, and I would have a real hard time masking the excitement in my voice on the phone. "Go ahead and go. I'm not gonna be there for another hour or more, so go out."

"Ok Sammy. Text me when you are on you're way."

A few minutes passed again before Mike got back to me saying he accepted. "Just get to know him better or something. I told him you mentioned how you hadn't talked in a while. That was true, so go with it."

Everything was coming together and I was out the door and on my way to Blaine's house minutes later.

**(Blaine)**

I walked into the Lima Bean for the second time today and my first thought was that we seriously needed a new place to go in Lima. I looked around and saw Mike over at a table on the phone. I waved to him and picked up a coffee before meeting him at the table as he was hanging up.

"Hey man, hows it going. I'm glad you came."

"No a problem man. I am actually glad we get to talk a bit. I was a little afraid of it being weird between us now."

"Drop that thought immediately Blaine. It's true i really didn't see you guys coming, but you both are my boys and that won't change."

"It means a lot to Sam that you stood by him, I don't think you really know."

"I know. That's why I wanted to talk to you, actually."

"Uh oh. Am I about to get the 'hurt him and I'll hurt you' speech?" Mike laughed and it honestly did alleviate my fear.

"Not exactly man, although I suppose that wouldn't be out of line, would it? No, I just wanted you to know that you are a lucky guy."

"I know. I think about him and I know that where we are is right, but... Can I be honest with you? I need this to stay between us."

"Shoot. Although I'll probably tell you you should tell him instead of me."

"I know, I know. It's only been a few days that we've been together and he really is opening up quite quickly, but I'm not used to having to be so secretive. I'm not saying I can't be, I just don't want to be, but I can't tell him that."

"Blaine, Sam cares about you more then anyone else, that is so obvious. He will throw himself one hundred percent into this, trust me. I can't begin to understand how... weird this is for him, but just know he will get there. It isn't wrong to worry about that though, ya know?"

"I feel terrible that I do, like I am just being selfish. It has been 3 month's since he first kissed me and he still seems just as scared as he was then."

"Was coming out easy for you?" I didn't expect him to ask me that and memories flood back into my head, making me feel even worse. Not for me, but for questioning Sam as I have been.

"I was sort of forced out but I never really chose to hide either."

"Well, he stood by you when we found you guys. I don't know if anyone else struggling with this would have done that. Obviously Karofsky chose a different path." I cringe at his name. "Sorry, but it's true."

I groan into my hands and take another drink as I collect my thoughts. "You are right. I guess I need to just calm myself down."

"I know it's a change for you too. Maybe not as big as it is for him, but talk to him about it. His feelings for you is the first thing ever that he didn't voluntarily talk to me about. He doesn't like to hide things, and you shouldn't either. You know how hurtful secrets can become." He didn't have to say what he meant, and I didn't need him to. Mike was right, I just need to tell him how I feel but assure him that I am with him every step of the way. The important question is am I willing to put aside my doubts, sacrifice some of my desires to help him? Yes, I am.

We continued to talk for a while after that, about Sam, Tina, New Directions, Rachel and Finn, and even Kurt. Mike had always been one of those guys who stayed to himself, but that didn't mean he was oblivious to what was going on. Part of it could be because of Tina. but Mike was just as brilliant socially as he was academically and at dance.

Mike talked for the first time about how he wasn't looking forward to leaving Tina and how he almost wishes he went to New York instead of Chicago just because Rachel would be there, a familiar face. I told Mike about my conversation with Kurt and how I think he is returning to his old self again. It was good to have a chat with him again. We talked a lot like this after I broke up with Kurt and he had a way of taking your mind off the more serious aspects of your life.

Forty five minutes later I got a text from Sam. "I'm on my way to your house babe. Be there soon."

"Ok. I am still out with Mike, but there is a spare key under the plant on the left of the door. Make yourself at home."

"Perfect. See you soon." I looked up at Mike and shrugged as I finished the last of my coffee.

"Well, Sam is on his way to my house so I guess I should get going."

"Alright Blaine. Call me if you ever need anything, ok? I'll be sure to set you on the right path." We both laughed as we walked out to our cars.

"Likewise man. And hey, I promise I'll look after Sam and Tina while you are gone."

"Thanks Blaine. I'll hold you to that. Oh, and have fun tonight!" He hugged me and got in his car before I could ask what that meant. He was gone and I went and got into my car as we were off on our separate ways. It was dark now, but it was a beautiful night. As I pulled up to my house I saw Sam's car in the driveway and I smiled. There were no lights on in the house however so I pulled out my phone and called him.

"Sam? Where are you, you didn't fall asleep did you?"

"Come out back, by the pool. See you in a second babe."

As I walked to the back of the house I noticed a faint glow coming from around the corner. As I turned to face out the glass sliding doors, I was amazed at what I saw. There were candles floating in the pool and around the patio table. I stood there in amazement for a few seconds until I remembered to step outside. "Wow..." I whispered to myself as I looked around me at the beautiful sight and just took it all in, Mike's parting words now making sense. Sam was no where to be found though, and just as I was about to call out his name I heard the strumming of a guitar. I turned to see Sam and his guitar coming around the side of the house, Sam dressed in a nice burgundy button up shirt and a dark pair of jeans, looking more handsome then ever. He led me to a chair by the pool and I sat down as he stood in front of me and began to sing.

_**(Sam)  
**_

_Every time I see your smile _  
_It makes my heart beat fast._  
_And though it's much too soon to tell_  
_I'm hoping this will last._  
_Cause I just always wanna have you right here by my side._  
_The future's near but never certain_  
_So please stay here for just tonight_

_I must've done something right _  
_To deserve you in my life._  
_I must've done something right along the way_

Sam was staring right at me, tears forming in his eyes while streams poured from mine. This was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever done for me.

_I just can't get you off my mind_  
_And why would I even try? _  
_Cause even when I close my eyes_  
_I dream about you all the time_  
_I just always wanna have you right here by my side. _  
_The future's near but never certain _  
_At least stay here for just tonight._

_I __must've_ done something right   
_To deserve you in my life_  
_I __must've_ done something right along the way

_And even if the moon fell down tonight_  
_There'd be nothing to worry about at all _  
_Because you make the whole world shine_  
_As long as you're here everything will be alright..._

_Oh, I __must've_ done something right   
_To deserve you in my life_  
_I __must've_ done something right along the way

_I __must've_ done something right   
_To deserve you in my life_  
_I __must've _done something right along the way

Sam had no time to take off his guitar as I pounced on him. He responded immediately, his soft lips radiating warmth towards me. I pushed my tongue against his lips and he let me in instantly. I gently ran my hand up his back to the back of his head and held him close. This was the most passionate kiss of my life and I refused to pull away. Love, lust, happiness and pride were running at a hundred percent within me and I couldn't fathom having to end this moment. Sam finally pulled away and held me at arms length as he tried to catch his breath.

"Sam, I love you so much. You will never go a day without me telling you that." I panted through the sentence which only made Sam laugh as he put down his guitar and pulled me into his arms. He held me for a few moments before pulling back and looking at me. I brush the hair from his eyes and go in for quick kiss which is hard to back away from again.

"I love you too Blaine." He grabbed my hand and walked me over to the edge of the pool. He kicked off his shoes and socks and began to roll up his pant legs as I mimicked him. We sat on the edge of the pool and I put my head on his shoulder. Staring at the candles floating on the water and the moonlight shining down just perfectly, there was no question that this was the most romantic moment of my life.

"Blaine, I realize this hasn't been easy. You and I have a crazy story already and it's only been a little while. You deserved a night like this. Our first night together wasn't the way our relationship should have started, but I hope this fixes that."

"Sam, you didn't owe me anything, but this is beautiful. No one has ever done something like this for me. You are amazing." He puts his arm around me and squeezes tight as my smile spreads.

"I told Finn." Three simple words and I snap up. I don't let go of his hand, but i turn slightly to look into his eyes. I expect a bit of fear, but what I am met with is amusement and relief. "It's ok Blaine. It felt like the right thing to do, and I did. He and Rachel already suspected though so I guess it wasn't a huge step."

"Sam! I can't believe... I am so proud of you. You really are amazing. I didn't think you were ready to tell anyone."

"I wasn't, but talking to Finn I... Well, I can't say anything yet, but Finn made me see that I was wasting time I have to be with you, and I can't do that." His lips meet mine again and I sigh into it. So much emotion is cascading down on me and I am in a state of bliss. Sam pushes me down and climbs on top of me, deepening the kiss as my hands explore his back. He moves down my jaw and starts nibbling on my ear lobe as i let a moan escape.

He moves quickly to my neck and I can't hide my excitement as I start to press fully against my pants and Sam. He chuckles as he moves his hands down to the bottom of my shirt and I have to stop him.

"Bedroom?"

"I thought you'd never ask." And with that, Sam surprises me again and picks me up off the ground. He puts me down to get the back door and I push him inside and against the wall for another quick kiss. "This isn't quite the bedroom babe." I say nothing and pull him up to my room and shut the door.

We crash together on the bed and he is on top of me pulling off my shirt. He comes back to my mouth and nibbles slightly on my lower lip as he explores my body with his hands. He pulls up and sits back, smiling at me and I can't help but return it.

"You are so sexy babe. It has been torture trying to keep my hands off you."

"Well, quit talking and get back down here." I pull him down and take control of the situation, flipping him over and latching onto his mouth. His scent fills my nostrils and his warmth is radiating through me. I slide down his jaw and then to his collar bone which elicits moans from him that I have been waiting to hear. I detach for just a moment to pull his shirt off and fly back down, kissing softly down his chest. I clamp down on his left nipple, nibbling and licking as Sam squirms underneath me, his hands gripping the sheets.

I make my way down to his perfectly formed stomach and have to marvel over them a second. I run patterns around his abs with my fingers as I move myself down Sam's body. I gently lick down his stomach to the top of his jeans as inaudible moans escape his mouth. I finally palm him through the fabric and feel his length hardening beneath me. I massage him for a few moments before he lets out a "please" that I can't ignore.

I undo his belt and quickly strip him of his pants and boxers in one pull. For the first time I get to really see Sam in all his glory, and I am in awe. He is perfectly groomed, standing out at full attention and as I take in his entire body, I can't wait any longer. I grasp his dick and start pumping slowly as I kiss around his stomach and move lower. I keep my hand on him as I move around to his balls and gently suck one into my mouth, eliciting another loud moan from Sam.

"Please Blaine, just... Can you..." He doesn't need to say anything else as I move to the tip and lick the sweet and salty mixture from his head. He groans louder still as I move my head down his shaft as quickly as I can. I make it about halfway down before I have to come back up, but before long I am in a decent rhythm. I gently lick up and down his cock as I play with his balls with one hand and hold myself up with the other. I try to take him all the way in and get all the way down before Sam is starting to warn me.

"I'm not gonna last babe. Please...keep...going..." I pull off of him and deny him this pleasure. I move back up to his mouth and he latches on as he sits up and pulls me into him. We make out for a few more moments before he lays me back down in the other direction and brings his lips down onto my chest. His lips are amazing to kiss, but I am learning now they have many other amazing abilities in them as well.

He licks and kisses through my chest hair and makes his way to my nipple, sucking and biting one one while twisting the other. I moan out and feel him smile against my skin as he begins to move lower. I am nowhere near as cut as him, but the feeling of his tongue between my abs is enough to convince me it doesn't matter.

He starts unbuckling my belt and where I felt he would start to show hesitation, he plows ahead, the love i his eyes as he looks up at me never more apparent. He reaches in and grabs my dick for the first time. "Sammy!" He just smiles at me as he stokes me for the first time. His hand is different then mine or any others, a little more rough but an incredibly new feeling. I am moaning out his name as he pulls away and moves to pull down the remainder of my clothing. He has me in his hand and is still pumping as he looks over me. He stops and leans down to kiss me.

"Blaine, you are perfect." I smile into another kiss as he moves back down and grabs my length in his hand. I am like jelly in his touch and I have to grip the sheets to keep from falling apart underneath him. He moves his face closer to me and sighs, ever so briefly, before he takes the head of my dick into his mouth and I gasp out. He moves his lips and tongue around, awkwardly at first, but quickly moves into an unexplainable amount of skill. I am writhing underneath him as he bobs up and down on my dick.

I start to get close and have to warn him. "Sammy...baby...so close...gotta stop." But he doesn't. He keeps his lips around me as I grasp at the back of his head. A few more licks and bobs and I am erupting into the back of this throat, riding out my orgasm into Sam. I am melted into the sheets as my dick pops out of his mouth and he moves up to kiss me. "Sammy I am so sorry! I didn't mean t..."

"Blaine. It's ok. I wanted to. It wasn't bad. I liked it, you taste amazing." He smiles and kisses me as I realize he still hasn't gotten off yet. I want him so badly but I don't get the chance to tell him. He kisses me softly and then flips me over and starts kissing down my back and I shudder. He finally gets down and spreads my cheeks once before getting off me completely. I am worried for a second before he returns and places a condom and some lube down on the bed next to me. "How did you..." I am interrupted as he pushes his fingers towards my mouth and I suck them in.

"Brought it up before you got home babe." I suck on his fingers for a few more moments before he moves them to my ass.

"Wait..." I say it softly before he puts a finger inside me.

"Everything ok babe? Are you sure you want to do this?" His compassion is overwhelming.

"Yes, oh god yes Sammy. Just, I've never..." He looks at me in confusion for a second before I see it dawn on him.

"OH! You mean with...?"

"No."

"Oh..."

"Just, go slow Sammy."

"I'll never hurt you." I feel the first finger go in and I gasp out in pleasure. He moves around, stretching and maneuvering and the feeling is amazing. It isn't long before a second and third make their way in and I am craving more.

"Sammy, I'm ready. Just go." He pulls the condom over himself and lubes himself up and my hole one last time before hovering over top of me.

"Babe, tell me to slow and I will. All on your speed. I love you." He kisses the back of my neck and then I feel his dick poking at my entrance. He moves in slowly and at first there is no pain, just discomfort. The farther in he gets the worse it gets and I grunt out. He stops. "Are you ok?" He whispers and I hear the fear in his voice.

"I am. Hold on a second." I am clutching the sheets beneath me as I feel the muscle stretching while he sits inside me. The pain and discomfort is slowly easing and Sam is gently kissing my back in reassurance. After a few minutes I am ok. "Ok Sammy, go. Slowly."

He starts to push down again in just a second he is pulling back up. Oh! I moan out louder then I intend and he stops. "Don't stop! Do that again!" He pushes back down and out a little faster this time and waves of pleasure are rocketing through me. My whole body is feeling the pleasure this perfect spot Sam is bringing me. He hits it every time as he starts to speed up and I am in ecstasy. Our moans come in unison and are only interrupted by each others names. I can't see him and that isn't ok with me. I need to be on my back.

"Sam...please...I want to...I need to flip over." He pulls out for a second and I move around and put my legs up on his shoulders. He leans in for a kiss as he repositions himself at my hole and moves back in. All hints of pain are gone and the pleasure is unlike any I felt before. I am staring into Sam's eyes and I grab myself and start jerking in my hand to match the amazing feeling of the rest of my body. Looking up at Sam, I realize I have never been happier in my life. Every thrust sends waves of pleasure through me and Sam in continually hitting all the right places. I am writhing under his thrusts and my hand and I can feel it getting close.

The love in his eyes as well as everything else sends me over the edge. I spill out over my hand and stomach for the second time and moan Sam's name louder then I thought possible. My eyes are closed, but I hear my name just as loud and feel Sam shuddering with me as he cums inside me only seconds after I do. He collapses on top of me and I brush his sweat soaked hair out of his eyes and kiss his forehead as we both are panting for breath.

Sam leans up and kisses me as I am coming down from this incredible high. He lays his head back down on my chest and I gently brush my fingertips up and down his arm. It is a few moments before I can muster up words, as nothing can explain this feeling adequately, but with this beautiful boy on my chest and after the amazing sensations I have felt I can only think of one thing.

"Sammy, I love you. Never leave me."

"I promise."

**Oh man! I am not going to say anything other than three points. One: Don't be too harsh on me, this is the first sex scene I have ever written =/. Two: I am sorry it took so long! I didn't mean it too but sometimes things just work that way. Three: Thank god for my editor. I was so self conscious about this chapter and he helped alleviate a lot of my fear, as well as fixed some things up. So three cheers!**

**I am going on vacation tomorrow so there won't be an update for a week! That sucks big time as I have some real inspiration for future chapters right now, so I will try to keep my thoughts organized at least. As always, review, thank you to everyone who does, and I really hope you all enjoyed this!**


	13. Falling For The First Time

_**Everyone! I am so sorry this took so long. I sort of lost all motivation, but I hope people are still interested! I've lost my editor, and am going to be doing all of this on my own so it still may take me some time to edit and take care of problems but I will try to be quick. Thanks to the follows and favorites I've gotten these past months. I hope I don't disappoint with my return. This is a shorter chapter, and the next few may be as well so that I can get to the story I want to tell, and trust me there is one. Enjoy!**_

_**Falling For The First Time - Barenaked Ladies**_

_**Stop Crying Your Heart Out - Chapter 13**_

**(Sam)**

Swirling light. Colors of random hues dancing around with no cohesion. What is all of this? Is that laughing? What is that noise? I blink and hold shut, only after a few moments do I open my eyes. No change. I take a step forward and the laughter gets louder. What is that? I spin around and as I land back in my starting position the colors and laughter start to make sense. Red, Cheerio uniforms; Letterman jackets. Yellow, a gold star. White, the dry erase board. Silver, some sort of brooch; a cross. Green, a 4 leaf clover; money. Black, a wheelchair. Quinn, Brittany, Santana, Puck, Rachel, Mr. Schu, Ms. Pillsbury, Kurt, Joe, Rory, Sugar, and Artie. All these people materialize around me and are laughing.

It isn't long until I notice them pointing at me as well. Venom is flying from their mouths, judgement in their eyes and I realize I am holding my breath, waiting for an explanation. After a second glance around the room I notice not everyone is pointing and laughing. Rachel is smiling at me and holding out her hand. Rory is mouthing "It's ok," even though I can't hear him. And Santana is looking at me with a look that can only say "I understand." There is one more, Kurt, who is looking at me with sadness. He turns his back to me and just stands there. Rachel, Rory, and Santana slowly start to fade away and the brief reprieve they brought fades back into panic. The laughing is louder than ever and I scream as loud as I can, everyone but Kurt laughing at who I am, louder and louder. Just laughing. Just as I thought it couldn't be any worse, I saw them. My father, yelling at me, "Get away!" The only thing I can hear now, the laughter gone. My brother and sister clutching to my mom as all three's laughter starts to fill my head. "Get away!"

I shoot up from the bed, gasping for air. Just a dream. It was just a dream. I collapse back on the pillow and rub the confusion from my eyes. I stare at the ceiling and try not to realize what the dream meant, although truthfully I really did know. All the people who don't know about me. Some were against me, but not all of them. What am I doing? No one came to help me, though. They could have stood up for me.

No! No Sam Evans. Do not do this to yourself. You have wonderful friends, some of whom know your secret and are in you corner, one hundred percent. The other's surely will be as well. Stop letting your fear cloud your opinions of your friends. You have a wonderful boyfriend that you just shared an incredible night with, who loves you and who... Wait. "Blaine?" I sit back up and look around, forgetting my pep talk to myself. I am in Blaine's bed, but he is nowhere to be found. I rub my eyes again and fumble around for my phone. It is only a little after eight in the morning, where did Blaine go?

I roll out of bed and notice that I am wearing absolutely nothing. All at once I am blushing and smirking, remembering last night in great detail. I start looking around for my clothes. I can't find my shirt and decide on borrowing one of Blaine's, finally getting it up over my head when I think I smell something. I go to the door and open it up to a wafting aroma of bacon and some faint music playing downstairs. My mouth starts to water as I make my way down to the kitchen, the music getting louder, and then joining it is that beautiful voice I love. I hear Blaine long before I see him, and it puts a smile on my face.

**_(Blaine)_**  
_I'm so cool, too bad I'm a loser _  
_I'm so smart, too bad I can't get anything figured out _  
_I'm so brave, too bad I'm a baby_  
_ I'm so fly, that's prob'ly why it feels just like I'm falling for the first time_

I make it to the bottom of the steps and am still laughing at myself about the song Blaine is singing to. I haven't heard this song in so long, but as he sings it I hear the words really for the first time, and my heart swells.

_I'm so green, it's really amazing_  
_I'm so clean, too bad I can't get all the dirt off me_  
_ I'm so sane, it's drivin' me crazy _  
_It's so strange I can't believe it feels just like I'm falling for the first time_

_Anyone perfect must be lying _  
_Anything easy has it's cost_  
_ Anyone plain can be lovely_  
_ Anyone loved can be lost _  
_What if I lost my direction _  
_What if I lost a sense of time _  
_What if I nursed this infection _  
_Maybe the worst is behind _  
_It feels just like I'm falling for the first time_  
_ It feels just like I'm falling for the first time_

I turn the corner towards the kitchen to a sight I swear I will never forget. Blaine, his back turned to me, standing in his boxers and my burgundy button up shirt on him, dancing at the skillet and using the spatula as a microphone. It is the cutest thing I have ever seen, that is the only way I can describe it. I quietly pull up one of the bar stools and sit behind him, just watching and listening to his beautiful voice, all fears from the dream forgotten, at least for now.

_I'm so chill no wonder it's freezing  
I'm so still I just can't keep my fingers out of anything  
I'm so thrilled to finally be failing  
I'm so done, turn me over cause it feels just like I'm falling for the first time_

_Anything plain can be lovely  
Anything loved can be lost  
Maybe I lost my direction  
What if our love is the cost  
Anyone perfect must be lying  
Anything easy has it's cost  
Anyone plain can be lovely  
Anyone loved can be lost  
What if I lost my direction  
What if I lost a sense of time  
What if I nursed this infection  
Maybe the worst is behind_

One last line, and as he starts to turn around and discover me here, I sing with him, because maybe the worst really is behind, and with him turning towards me and singing, I can really believe that.

**_(Blaine and Sam)_**  
_Maybe the worst is behind..._

"SAM!" Blaine drops his spatula and I burst into laughter. "Holy...you scared the crap outta me!" As bad as I felt for the few pieces of bacon that hit the counter and floor, I couldn't stop laughing. Eventually Blaine joins me as he tries to scold me, but it doesn't work. "It's to hard to be mad at you."

I got up and walked around to him, still chuckling to myself as I bent over to pick up a piece of bacon. As I stood back up I noticed my shirt wasn't buttoned up, and Blaine's chest and stomach are exposed. I lean in for a kiss and ran my hand down his chest to a soft moan.

He pulls away from the kiss and holds me at a distance, much to my dismay. "You are irresistible but not this morning Sammy." He turns slightly to the side with a bewildered look on his face. "Who ever thought I'd ever turn you down?" I laugh again as I grab his face towards me and plant a kiss on his cheek. I sit back down and just stare at him while he finishes plating the food. "We have to hurry. I forgot to tell you yesterday, what with all the, ahem...anyway, but I told Puck I'd bring you over around noon today, something he wanted to talk to us about. I was going to bring this to you in bed, but apparently your nose is sens...what?" He turns to see me staring at him.

"You are so beautiful." I blush as I said this. I don't know why, I have said it before, but this morning it felt different. "Wait, did you say Puck?" He was blushing too but the concern came into his eyes way too quickly and I realize the fear from my dream is creeping back across my face unintentionally.

"What's wrong?" Blaine stops next to me and I force a smile in his direction that he sees right through. "Come on Sammy."

"Honestly, babe? I don't think anything. I had a pretty vivid dream about everyone who didn't know about me laughing at me. It was really weird. I think I am over it though. Well, I guess not since my face gave me away. I don't know, the idea of Puck knowing freaked me out." Saying it out loud it sounded a lot more foolish than it did in my head and on my own. Blaine doesn't treat it that way though, and just as I was about to mention my family he moves behind me and wraps his arms tightly around me, stopping me in my tracks.

He stays like this only for a moment before he spins me around to look at him. "Sammy, don't be ready to tell everyone for me. It has to be for you. If it really is freaking you out that much, maybe you have to wait and do it when you are really ready. You do know, though, that a lot of us are in your corner, and anyone against you won't have a place with us?"

"I think I'm ready for certain people and not others. Which reminds me, I need to call Rachel. Finn can't keep it from her for too long, and what's the worst that could happen? So, what did I do to deserve breakfast in bed?" I change the subject quickly because Blaine doesn't need to know about my fear about my family. If I lose them I don't know what I'd do, and that very well could happen. I swear I see a slight frown creep across his face, but then Blaine smiles at me, and I guess I am just imaging things.

We finish eating Blaine's impressive breakfast, that I apparently earned last night, and start getting ready to head over to meet Puck. I lay down on Blaine's bed as he is gelling his hair and try to think about how I am going to tell Rachel. It was a little past ten and now seems better than any other time really to finally call and get this over with. I sit up just as Blaine finishes with his hair. "I'm going to call Rachel in the car. Will you drive?" He turns to me and the floodgate opens, taking me aback.

"Are you sure? Is she the best person to be telling? You haven't exactly been close with her." Why does Blaine sound like he doesn't want me to tell her? I guess my expression gives my question away as Blaine rushes to sit next to me. "Ok maybe I am freaking out a little bit, but not because I want us to be a secret. I'm just afraid of the wrong people hearing about it first." He was beating around it and I couldn't place what he was so worried about.

"Rachel will not judge me Blaine! She will probably even be happy, knowing her." I chuckle a bit with this realization. She probably will be happy.

"I am just worried about who she could tell."

"Finn already knows. Who else would she talk to? Kurt? Why would she tell Kurt? They aren't even speaking to each other. Not to mention she has been really cool lately. And Kurt talked to me yesterday at the house. He said he wanted to be friends again." Blaine stands up and turns to look at me. There is something there, and all of a sudden I feel uneasy.

"Sam, I talked to Rachel this morning. She called because Finn isn't talking to her, ignoring her even. And that's not all." He sighed heavily and shook his head slightly.

"What, Blaine?" I couldn't take this anymore, seeing him so distressed.

"Kurt isn't done coming after me. I was clear we were done and he said he accepted that, but he still thinks there is something between us. If he finds out about us I don't know what he will do regardless of how sincere his apologies and change may seem. If how he had been acting until very recently is any indication..."

"I still don't see why this has anything to do with Rachel."

"He is in New York City right now. He arrived this morning, and is with her. With Finn ignoring her, Kurt will fall back into her number one confidant in a matter of days, and she won't keep this from him." Blaine really seemed worried about this and I can't really place why.

"What? He is in New York?"

"I may have convinced him not to give up on it."

"Regardless Blaine, what would be so bad about Kurt knowing? It may even help him move on. He definitely won't fight me for you."

"Not physically." Why is he so worried about this?

"Blaine, he can't hurt us unless we let him, and that is given the small chance he would even want or try to. Thank you so much for looking out for me, but what would he do? He wouldn't out me." Is Kurt really capable of waging a war against me for Blaine? Is it even a competition at this point? I know Blaine, and even if he were to leave me, Kurt wouldn't be on his radar. And why is he so scared of people he only weeks ago trusted so much? What is going on here?

**(Blaine)**

What's the worst that could happen? It all floods back in one giant wave of pain and I lose all composure and, apparently, sanity. I try my best to keep calm for Sammy though. That is, until he suggests calling Rachel right now.

I had no reason to mistrust Kurt. During our talk I could see the sincerity in him and I believed it. I still do, but this isn't about Kurt. All I can think about are the former friends who turned on me after that Sadie Hawkins dance and how, right when I was starting to accept myself, everything crumbled down on me. I had no reason to think my friends would turn on me then either. I can't let that happen to Sam, even if there is only a minuscule chance it might. The truth is there is always a reason to mistrust people.

I can't have this progress halted, and Kurt is the first person that I realize might use Sam's insecurity against him. I have to keep Kurt from knowing until I know he is in a better place, and that means Rachel can't know either. It was selfish. Maybe even misguided, but I can't...

"BLAINE!" Sam snapped me out of my thoughts and I looked at him in shock for just a second. "What is the problem? You are acting crazy and it is kind of freaking me out. Is there something between you and Kurt?"

"What? Oh, no. No no no!" I should have known this is where he would go with it. Damn it, Blaine, what were you thinking? "Sammy. I am so sorry. I just had a flashback to..." I stopped and looked down, dejected. His arms were around me before I knew it and all of my selfishness was gone.

"What is going on, Blaine?"

"Maybe wait to call Rachel, please? I need to tell you a story."

_**~~Hope this was an ok re-entry to this story! I am so sorry it took me so long to get back here. I am also sorry I couldn't skip the drama for just another chapter, but there is still a lot for these two to learn about each other. And on that note, next chapter, Blaine relives the Sadie Hawkins dance, and what does Puck want? Review, favorite, and follow! I always appreciate it!~~**_


	14. You'll Be In My Heart

**Thanks for the follows and favorites and reviews! Keep em coming! This was difficult to write, but I am finally done. I apologize about the language and violence in this chapter. I am going to try to keep it toned down, but if it truly bothers you, skip the flashback and sorry in advance! Also, Puck, he didn't make it into this chapter, but he is a big part coming up, and will stay that way, as him and Mercedes going to LA together, and Mercedes staying very important to Sam. And finally, speaking of Puck, **** I am really thinking about starting another story, with(really random, I know) Puck and Sebastian. I've had this idea floating around for a while and, well, I'll give you and update next post!**

**You'll Be In My Heart (Reprise) - Original Broadway Cast of Tarzan the Musical, Josh Strickland & Merle Dandridge**

**Stop Crying You're Heart Out - Chapter 14**

**(Blaine)**

I was about to lose it all. All I put in the past was about to flood out in the unhealthiest of ways. It's hard to reconcile your past with the present, especially when you have been hiding from it as long as I have. I thought with Dalton and the New Directions that all of my doubt about who I was had been eliminated, but apparently all I did was bury it, and deep. Now it is hitting me especially hard, not because of it affecting me, but Sam. My Sam. That thought strikes both fear and happiness into my heart at the same time.

Sam has done an amazing job showing me, and explaining, how strong he really is, but I know, deep down, that there is something there that can tear us apart. Something eating at his seams. It is with that realization that his coming out scares me so much. He says he is ready, in part at least. He has already made steps, and I thought that is what I wanted. If I am being honest, being in the closet was one of the worst times of my life, only second to coming out. It's a hilarious contradiction and I might laugh if I wasn't so terrified. So there is a part of me that does want that, for him and me.

Fear. It is a terrible thing. We are inching closer to a healthy relationship, and things seemed so exciting only hours ago. I am realizing, in a wave of information, that as much as we know about each other, there is so much that we don't. If I don't feel comfortable talking about any of this, then how can that translate into me trusting and loving Sam?

I do. I swear I do. I hope I do. I just promised to talk to him on our way to Puck's, but here we are, sitting in the car and I am silent, ignoring him even. He isn't making any effort to hide the fear on his face, just as mine must be plastered on as well. How can I tell him that I never told the whole truth about Cooper, or my family, or my life before Dalton? It was only months ago that I swore Cooper hated me. I mean, he might as well of said as much one of the last times we spoke. Ok, maybe he never said he hated me, but the ridicule and belittling came on full force when he found out about me. That was before his unexpected visit a few months ago, and even then me being gay never came up except for the brief moment he met Kurt.

There is so much uncertainty in this course of action, and is it fair of me to push Sam in this direction? Everything he has done so far has been on my selfishness. None of this would have happened if I could have left him out of my heartache. God, I wish I had that power.

No. This isn't the right time. I can't lie to him. I won't start a habit of that, but figuring out what to say isn't any easier. All I do know is that he isn't ready. Who could be ready for the kind of ridicule waiting for him? More importantly, is my support enough to get him through what I started?

"Blaine, please. I am trying really hard to be patient but I am freaking out." I know what I am doing to him is wrong, on some level, but I can't see it any other way. My heart is cracking just a bit as I take a deep breath and force a smile.

"Sammy. I don't think this is the right time to announce ourselves. I know this seems like it's been a long time, but it's only been a few days! We have only been speaking as friends for a few months! Your closest friends are in your corner, but we almost could have expected that." I knew I sounded ridiculous. I probably even sounded insane. I was pushing for the exact opposite thing a day ago.

"Blaine, I..."

"Wait. Let me finish. I know you want to do this for me, but that isn't ok. I've seen the flashes of fear on your face. I saw the immense fear when Mike and Tina saw us that first night. You are not ready for rejection, and as much confidence we have in our friends, nothing is one hundred percent. Trust me." That last part was under my breath and I don't think he heard me. I wasn't lying. I wasn't saying anything that he didn't need to hear. I just wasn't telling him why I felt all of this all of a sudden. "You aren't ready for this. I am not ready for this..."

"Blaine. What do you mean? You've been out for years." I said nothing. I can't. I turned to face the window and crossed my arms. I can't look at him. I can't reassure him that everything will be alright if he reveals himself. I can't be the one to bring that pain on him. "Blaine, I think I can..."

"No Sam! You can't! If you only_ think_ you can, then you can't!" The shock on his face turns to pain and I feel my chest ache. A tear starts to roll down my cheek and I have to turn away so that he doesn't see me. My fists have clenched and I'm fighting all the emotion around me right now. He can't be this naive? He can't honestly think that after everything all of us have gone through, after everything that he has heard on the news and seen done to Kurt and Karofsky, that he could possibly be ready for this. Glee club is a bubble, and one he isn't ready to step out of. When he can tell his closest friends with certainty, then I can accept anything that comes from that, but I will not be the cause of that pain for anyone. I have lived it, and it's the closest thing to a death blow I have ever known. My fists are clenched so tight, the pain rising, and I can faintly hear Sam saying my name, but I tune him out, thinking only of that dance four years ago.

**(Sadie Hawkins Dance: 4 Years Earlier...)**

"Blaine, come on. My dad will be here any minute." He looked handsome, and nothing was going to bring me down tonight. I stepped outside as we waited for his dad to pick us up and take us to the dance. I was really excited to finally be going to a dance with a guy, even if he was just a friend. His father knew about him, and me, which was why he was picking us up. My parent's don't know about me yet, and now isn't the time to tell them. I don't know how they will react, and this is the first time I can be myself. I can't let them ruin it.

The unfortunate thing in all of this is that we are the only two out gay people either of us know, and we are not attracted to each other. When life hands you lemons, right? We can make the best of this though. Word spread quickly that we were going together and we spent the afternoon in isolation. Not by choice, but we had a great evening planned and we want to enjoy it. I sat down on the curb and pulled out my phone, flipping it open and sending a text to my mom. My parents thought I was spending the night at his house since neither of us had dates and made me promise to check in a few times.

I was about to hang up with her when I saw them. Some older high school kids, who I recognized seeing around school and because one of them was a brother of a friend. I should have known something was wrong when I said hi and he didn't respond, but I just blew it off as him not noticing who I was. They were leaning against their cars whispering among themselves, and I swore I heard them call us... well, something. No. It couldn't be.

Where was his dad? He was supposed to come right from his meeting. I started to feel more and more uncomfortable as they stopped outside the restaurant and didn't go inside, standing there whispering to themselves. I leaned into my friend and suggested we move somewhere else to wait. "It's alright Blaine, he will be here any second. Ignore them."

"So!" Not good. "What are you guys up to tonight?"

"Going to the dance." Shut up, man.

"Where are your dates?"

"Uhh. We are going toge..."

"We haven't picked them up yet!" I don't know why I was so worried, but something told me I couldn't let them know we were going together.

"Liar. I know who you are." The one finally recognized me, or always did and chose now to trap me in my lie.

Now, there is something that always bothered me. You are always hearing about how all types of discrimination was bad, heavy with consequences and a poor show of character. Never was this said about me, and what I am. Even so, all I ever got was teasing and a few nudges, but never anything I'd consider hostile. So I don't know how I knew what was coming, but I saw it in their eyes.

"You're the fags, aren't you" That word. I retreated into myself, feeling inches tall and smaller than a spec of dirt, physically and emotionally. "Why do you think it's ok to flaunt around, together?" We weren't even holding hands. What were we flaunting. If my vocal chords hadn't run away in fear I may have stuck up for myself. Who am I kidding? No I wouldn't have.

"Back off. It's none of your business." Stay quiet and let them pass!

"Oh, but it is. See, you are standing outside my mother's restaurant. We don't like your kind here."

"Fine, we are leaving." Two of the older boys ran to the other side of us and blocked us in. I expected more taunting. More harassment I saw the glint in the eye of the guy in front of me. Terror. I had no time to react to my friend planting face first into the ground. If it weren't for the shock I would have been hysterical. He was knocked out, and that seemed to piss them off more. They didn't make that mistake with me.

I was taken out at the knees, collapsing with a crack onto the cement. It was then that I saw them. My friends. Our friends, coming up and doing nothing, cheering them on even. Laughter, cheering, taunting. I heard it all and my heart shred inside me. Tears were now flowing down my cheeks, and I could faintly make out things like "Look he is on his knees, just like he likes" and "look at the girl, crying about her boyfriend." I moved to wipe my eyes. Bad idea. One of the boys grabbed my hand and twisted it behind my back. The kick to my ribs came immediately after, all the breath knocked out of me as I felt bone crack inside me.

My arm was still twisted behind my back as fists connect with my jaw, my stomach, kicks just weak enough to not knock me out connecting with the back of my head. Excruciating pain already racked my body and there was no end in sight. They were yelling things the whole time but I no longer heard them through my tears, the sobbing. All I could do was wish for this to end. Kicks continued to my crotch, my ribs, and finally, _finally, _one more to the back of my head that brought the darkness, the welcoming, comforting darkness.

**(Blaine: Current Day)**

It was days before I woke up, and even more after that before I remembered what happened. No one would talk to me but one of the nurses. My parent's were there, but wouldn't look me in the eye. Cooper was a blank slate. No comfort was sent my way. I wasn't even able to tell them about me myself. They knew it all, and they heard it from a paramedic, or a kid shouting slurs my way, I don't really know.

I had several broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, my right kneecap was broken, and testicular torsion. Fantastic. It was 2 weeks after the attack and I was still on bed rest, luckily everything healing appropriately. Everything but my heart, my confidence, and my love for myself.

My parents refused to speak about it. They even ignored Cooper calling me a fag and fairy and his hatred directed my way. The only person to even speak to me like a human was the court appointed counselor. That's right, I was attacked and I was appointed the counselor.

I lost all faith that day. I woke up and all I remembered was that god was not real. The only reason I survived was because my attackers wanted me to, and the remarkable absence of any witnesses left two of the group of 5, maybe even more, with minimal hours of community service. I have long since forgotten their name, but it took a lot of work to do so.

I never thought I would have friends again. My family hated me, my friends may have helped attack me. Nothing was ok. I never heard about my friend again. They told me in the hospital that he was fine, but I would never return to that school, and I doubt he ever did either. I wonder what happened to him?

The day I met my counselor is when my faith started to rise again. She talked my parent's into Dalton, talked me off the edge of the cliff, and started me on my path to self acceptance. Dalton was a lot to do with that, but there was also the promise I made to myself. I would never be weak again. I would never be unable to defend myself. My parents eventually started talking to me again, and even came to accept who I was, but I never felt love from them again.

"Blaine, babe, please. Please, I.." I snapped back to reality. What felt like weeks was actually only 30 seconds, a minute max. I had forgotten the tears in my eyes until Sam wiped one away with his thumb.

Sam...

No. What am I doing? I can't, I won't, be weak again. I have someone to protect besides myself now, and I refuse to let anyone down ever again. My pain needs no parade today. Strength. I perfected masking my pain those first months at Dalton. I muster up the strength to shake this from my mind and sigh heavily, turning to look at Sam.

"I'm sorry. I really am, but I meant what I said, Sam." It was barely a whisper. Building this strength might take a little time, but no better place to start then here. "I won't let you do this to yourself. You aren't ready. I won't let you feel that pain. I can't handle someone rejecting you and you holding it against me, as stupid and selfish as that is."

"Blaine, I would never do that. This is my choice. I want this. I want you." It brought a smile to my face. He wasn't running from me. More of my selfishness making me happy. The best thing I could do for him would be to steer him away. in reality.

"Still, Sammy. My deal stands. When you can tell everyone in glee, Mr. Schu included, without _any_ fear, then we can be in public. I want nothing more than to parade you around as mine, but only when you are ready."

"I don't know that I ever will be." A knife just started dragging its blade around my heart, waiting to plunge in. He looks away and I let the worry cross my features for a brief second before he turns back and grabs my hand. "I mean, there is always going to be some sort of fear associated with this. You aren't wrong, but this is like a band-aid situation. rip it off, all at once." He gripped my hand firmly and tried to reassure me, but he wasn't getting it. I was silent for a little while before I spoke, gauging his feelings and trying to figure out how I could get him to understand what could happen to him.

"What would you have done if Mike berated you that night? What would you have done if Mike looked at you with disgust? Would you have stayed by my side, or what?" He wasn't getting it because I wasn't letting him get it. My past is proof enough that this has to be this way, but he needs to see it without seeing me break down. I have to be strength for him so he can find his own strength, naturally and without the crutch that I would become with any other course of action. I can't fight his internal battles for him, but I can be the support I never had. Only if he accepts the worst case scenario as a possibility and works to be okay with that happening. It may not be the easiest way. It may not even be right, but it is the only thing I can think of. I am selfish. I know.

"I don't know. We probably wouldn't be here right now" he said after a long, unbearable silence. The knife entered, a familiar ache and pain. Thank whoever that he was choosing this moment to look away in shame, cause my eyes couldn't hide the pain that the possibility of a life without him brought to the surface. We are here by luck, by remarkably fortunate circumstance, not because Sam was ready to be. If I didn't feel so torn up already, realizing that I forced this upon him is eating me alive. I couldn't stop here. It may be the only chance.

"What are you going to tell your family?" His face betrayed him immediately, and I knew all of this was the right choice. "Sam, please believe me. I want nothing more than your happiness. It even surpasses my own needs, for me. When you are ready. I am taking that pressure away from you. I will not leave you. I will not force you. I am here, and you can count on me. That won't change. It has to be for you, not for me." Relief and tears filled his eyes as he buried his face in his hands.

_**(Blaine)**_

_Don't be afraid, it'll be all right_  
_Just take my hand, hold it tight_  
_No matter where I am, I'll be with you_  
_Just think of me, don't you cry_

He looked at me as I grabbed his hands from his face into mine and I saw a shy smile sneak out.

_**(Sam and Blaine)**_  
_No one could understand the way we feel_  
_How would they know, how can we explain?_  
_Although we're different, deep inside us_  
_We're not that different at all_

_'Cause you'll in my heart_  
_Yes, you'll be in my heart_  
_From this day on, now and forever more_  
_You'll be in my heart_

_**(Blaine)**_  
_You'll be here in my heart_

_**(Sam)**_  
_No matter what they say_

_**(Blaine)**_  
_Oh, you'll be with me_

_**(Sam and Blaine)**_  
_You'll be here in my heart_  
_Always, Always_

_**(Blaine)**_  
_Sammy..._  
_I'll be there for you always_

_**(Sam)**_  
_Always and always..._  
_Just look over your shoulder_

_**(Sam and Blaine)**_  
_Just look over your shoulder_  
_Turn around and look over your shoulder_  
_'Cause I'll be there always..._

I leaned in and kissed him, feeling him smile against my lips and making me smile as well. I pulled away and squeezed his hand tight, reassuring, comforting, strengthening.

"Come on, we are late meeting Puck."

I put the car in drive and started away from the house. My smile faltered, just briefly, and Sam would never know why. I can do this. I can hide this from him. For him. It will all be ok. I swear it will be. I hope it will be...


	15. Footprints In The Sand

**Footprints In The Sand - Leona Lewis**

**Stop Crying Your Heart Out - Chapter 15**

**(Sam)**

"I need to know what is going on."

"Puck, what are you talking about?"

"Kurt is calling everyone saying something is wrong with Blaine, and he sounds pretty worried."

"What? Like what, exactly?" I shoot a concerned look towards Blaine but he seems just as confused as I am.

"If I knew we wouldn't be here, but he called me after the train station. Apparently I was the only one who picked up. All I know is that his dad bought him a plane ticket last night and he made plans to meet Rachel. Blaine, he said you were hiding something and he was afraid it would hurt you. Since he isn't here, he wanted me to, as he said, keep an eye on you, but we aren't kids anymore." Blaine hadn't told Kurt about us, I know that much, but what had he told him? We never got the chance to talk about their conversation. Either way there is no reason Puck would ask that I come be a part of this.

"Why am I here then? Why not just ask Blaine?"

"Because I went to someone else before I talked to Blaine. You are here because of her." Mercedes was pulling into Puck's driveway and I still have no idea what is going on here. Blaine has been stoic, showing nothing since our talk in the car and I am fairly certain my eyes were still red from the tears that burned them only minutes before. Neither of us looked our usual selves, and this situation was so far from normal. I pulled out my phone and turned it on to a barrage of messages from Mike, Tina, Rachel, and Mercedes.

I looked up from my phone as Mercedes walked in the front door and gave each of us a hug before turning to stand at Puck's side. What was going on?

"You know I love you both." It wasn't a question. She was stating it. Reassuring us, for some reason. There was a problem, her saying that proved it.

"What is this about, Mercedes?" Blaine finally spoke, not revealing any emotion.

"Kurt isn't just concerned about you, Blaine. He also..."

"What, Mercedes!? This is ridiculous!" The look she was giving me was torture, and I immediately felt bad about snapping at her, but this wasn't exactly a morning or smooth sailing, and if there was bad news I just wanted it over with.

"He swears when you talked to him he saw sadness and frustration in your eyes. He put two and two together and..."

"He knows about?" I could barely ask the question. Panic came across my face and I looked at Blaine for reassurance. Just as I was about to break and run from the room, Puck spoke up.

"He knows about Blaine and Sebastian." Puck said this and where I should have felt relief, joy, laughter even, I was a blank slate. That was the last thing I expected to hear, so far fetched that i couldn't even react.

Blaine burst out into laughter, breaking his collected demeanor and I finally let myself realize the situation and had to laugh with him. Mercedes was trying her best to stay composed, but before long all of us were rolling on the floor and confusing Puck who raised his arms in confusion.

After we all calmed down, it was Blaine who spoke first. "Why in the world does he think I am with Sebastian? I can't even. " He started chuckling again.

"Well, apparently you told him you were with someone but refused to say who. He claims he knows you well enough to see the hurt in your eyes, and that the logical explanation was that you ran to Sebastian to get over him." Anyone besides me would have missed it. Puck and Mercedes did, but I saw it. That hurt that was apparently in Blaine's eyes, it flashed so quickly through his demeanor that even I might have missed it just a few weeks earlier.

Kurt was not wrong, about that at least.

"Puck, Mercedes..." A pause while he turned to me. "...and Sam. I swear that I haven't spoken to Sebastian in months. I am not with him."

"But you are with someone?" Puck asked, or stated. I don't know. I fidgeted a bit. Blaine was right. There are people I am not ready to tell. Puck probably didn't care. I knew that. I don't know why this is so hard. Blaine was supposed to be in my corner, make it easier for me, but all I felt towards him now was gratitude, and relief. I am so relieved he took that pressure off of me. I don't even know why, but right now I am at home in the shadows.

"Blaine, come with me. We need to talk." Puck surprised us all, Mercedes and Blaine both shooting me a confused look before Blaine agreed and walked off with him.

As they walked away, I couldn't help but question what that was about. I don't recall Puck ever being the serious talk type.

"Sam, what's wrong? You and Blaine alright?" Mercedes snapped me out of my train of thought.

"What? Of course! Yeah. I guess so."

"Sam."

"OK, ok. I just don't know what to say."

"I won't force you to talk, but take advantage of me while I am here. I leave in a few days." The look in here eyes were sincere, and with that everything flooded out before I could stop it.

"Why can't I be who he wants me to be? Why can't I walk in there and tell Puck that I am with him? I want to, but I can't. I lie awake at night wondering when Blaine will get fed up and leave. I lie awake at night wondering how fast my parents will ship me back to Kentucky if they knew. I wonder how I can walk in public afraid to be who I am when people like Blaine, Kurt, Santana and Brittany stood strong through it all. I just... I don't see how Blaine will stay with me."

"Sam, Blaine doesn't want you to be anything you aren't. He just wants you to accept who you are, not for anyone else but for you." It made sense. He basically said as much in the car, but I don't know. There was something else.

"I know what Kurt means. Blaine is hiding something, I can see it in his eyes. I can see it when talking of telling people about us. We had a pretty strange, I guess a fight, but not really, in the car on the way here. He freaked out about me telling Rachel. He says it was for my own good. I believe him. I am just ashamed that I can't be comfortable with this."

"Wait, you aren't comfortable with him?"

"Of course I am Mercedes. That's the problem. I am like a walking contradiction. With him, everything feels right and wrong at the same time. Every person who accepts me should make me feel better, but instead I feel worse. Like the next person I tell will break the chain and start a new one of disapproval and hatred."

"Then Blaine is right. You shouldn't tell anyone until you are ready."

"How? How can I be ready? I was forcing myself to tell people and Blaine figured it out. He's supporting me and I have nothing to prove his time is worth it."

"Sam, there is a lot ahead of you, for you and for Blaine. This is new to you. He understands it. All you can do is show him the understanding that you want shown to you. Maybe Blaine is hiding something from everyone. He hasn't had an easy time here in Lima. You realize that the only one of us who ever really knew his past was Kurt. Let him have his secrets, if they aren't about your relationship. Earn them. You are allowed to have yours too."

"What if I am not enough for him? What if I put myself out there and it's not enough. What? Why are you smiling at me?"

"I'm sorry, but it's just so obvious you love him. So much so that you were willing to hurdle your fears to please him. He is lucky." I blushed, probably worse then I ever have. "Sam, you deserve to be loved. You deserve happiness. Accept that and start to love yourself as much as I am sure Blaine loves you. Then, telling the world won't be so scary."

"Mercedes, I..." She put a quieting finger to my lips and pulled me in for a hug. Whether or not she knew what I was about to say, I don't know, but in all the steps I had to take, forgiving myself for what I did to her was the first. With that hug, I felt the path clear and I moved forward, one less weight dropped from my shoulders.

**(Blaine)**

Kurt, for all his shortcomings, still had a few surprises up his sleeves. I actually sort of believe he was sincerely worried. I've had a lot on my mind lately, and if he picked up on some of that then there must have been some truth to our relationship. I did hold hope that we could be friends one day, and I appreciated his concern, but something about this just rubbed me the wrong way. I felt like I should be wary of him earlier, his hopes for our reunion fresh in my mind, but now I was convinced.

With everything going on, the mention of Sebastian really brought me back. Don't get me wrong, I really didn't have much of a problem with Sebastian anymore, but him and I together was so far from possible, let alone desirable. Ok, I admit it, Sebastian is a great looking guy and does actually have some redeemable features, once you get to know him, but his sense of danger really only excited me when I was with Kurt. Now that Sam was in my life, I felt like I had all the danger I needed.

Ugh. I can't believe I just thought that. It's true though. I've learned a lot the past two years. I grew up a lot, I made plenty of mistakes, and I always learned. Nothing, however, prepared me for how irrational love could make me. Everything with Sam was ruffling every feather of my life, and while most of them are good, great even, the bad ones are an insane mess.

So, that laugh was needed. It brought me back to the present. A clouded and, quite frankly, uncertain present. All the more apparent by the fact that I was following Puck into another room of his house for a serious conversation.

"I'm gonna be honest here Puck. This is a little strange. I'm not sure we have ever talked alone before."

"Please, Noah from now on. I'm trying to make something of myself in LA. I should probably start taking a lot more seriously. And that starts here with you."

"You don't need to look after me Noah." Ok, that was going to take some getting used to.

"I know, ok?"

"Know what?"

"About you and Sam. No, don't say anything. I'm not done. Yesterday I got to the train station a little early and saw you two outside your car. I was surprised at first, but really it made a lot of sense when I thought about it. I was going to let it go, let Sam come to us when he was ready. But then..."

"Kurt called."

"Yeah. I think it probably helped I answered him first. I already saw you two, so when he suspected Sebastian I went with it. I didn't know what to do. I said I'd keep an eye on you, but then Mercedes got the same phone call. Kurt let her in on the plan, that I was involved, and then the rest, well. Here you are."

"I don't know what to say."

"Nothing. Not yet at least, because I am not telling Sam I know. You and Mercedes are it, and I want you to keep it that way until Mercedes and I get to LA."

"If you don't have a problem with it he probably would love to know."

"Maybe, but when you are aware of something as big as this, it makes all the subtle hints a little more clear. Like the look of panic you two shared at the start of this conversation."

"When did you become so observant?" I was amazed, and a little bit worried at the same time. Puck, ugh, I mean Noah, was the last person I'd expect to be having this conversation with, and yet.

"If seeing you two hide in the parking lot wasn't enough, Mercedes filled in a lot more of the blanks, and then that look between you two just confirmed everything to my own eyes."

"Wait, what was with all that Sebastian crap then?"

"That's what Kurt believes, and I had already decided not to say anything to Sam. I just thought I could give him a little push, give him a chance to say something."

"Not cool Noah."

"I know, I know, but I needed you two to understand how serious Kurt is taking this. That was the easiest way without just coming out and saying what I knew."

"Good point."

"What is wrong, by the way? You have been out of it ever since you got here." I shrugged and looked down, a little embarrassed. "You helped me once Blaine. Hell, you are a lot of the reason I am leaving Lima in a few days and not sticking around the choir room with you another year. You can talk to me, if you need to." With a firm grasp on my shoulder, a reassuring gesture accompanied by a sincere smile on his face, I made the decision right then.

A lot was swirling through my head, and I don't know what made me feel like I could trust Noah. I didn't even question him. I just sighed heavily and tried to collect my thoughts.

"I am such a fake, man." It's all that came out and the expression on Noah's face changed to confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

"The confidence, the strength. It's all an act. I let Kurt effect that, and Sam effect that, and now that those walls have fallen, I don't know what to do with myself."

"I know a thing or two about putting up an act Blaine. Do I have to recount this past year? The not caring about school, the fights, the amazing Puckerman having his life planned out. It was all an act. I thought that if I acted tough, acted strong and like I had my life together, that at least I wouldn't be like my father. Confidence could carry me, I thought. How wrong."

It was in that moment that I realized how alike Noah and I were and why I felt so comfortable talking to him.

"Look, you don't want to talk now, and that's fine. But promise me if you need to talk to someone besides Sam that you will call me. It's never too late to start this friendship, even if it's on different sides of the country."

"Thank you Noah. It's sort of a relief to know you understand. I actually never thought anyone would. Maybe give me a few days, let me think about all of this, and I will call you once you are in LA?"

"Don't feel like you have to talk to me. I am just giving you an option, away from Sam's best friends."

It wasn't long after that we parted ways, making plans to see them and Rory off when they all leave next week. I left Puck's in a much better mood, but Sam was not, and any attempt to get him to talk was met with resistance. We separated for the day after that meeting, and I couldn't help but feel a little guilty. Ok, very guilty. We both were a little crazy on the emotional scale lately, and we both could use the time to think.

**(Sam)**

The day had arrived. Mike, Tina, Blaine, and I piled into my car and were on our way to see Rory, Puck, and Mercedes off. It was a sad day. The reality of how different this year was going to be was finally starting to set in. Of all of us that were going to be at the airport today, only three of us would still be around when school starts in less than a month.

When we arrived, Rory was already here waiting for us. Finn and Brittany were with him and it was really good to have a mini goodbye party here for our friends. Puck and Mercedes arrived shortly after we did, and we waited for them all to check in. Rory was leaving an hour before the others, but we all agreed we'd here and see him off.

The group of us that were at the airport right now really proved the power of glee club. All of us felt a connection to each other and wanted to properly see everyone off this summer. As we said our goodbyes to Rory and watched him walk towards security, I couldn't help but remember that he was there for Blaine when he had no reason to be.

"Rory!" He turned around and Blaine must have also been thinking about his help when he called out his name. "I'll never forget you sticking up for me! You always have a place here in America!" Blaine ran up and hugged him one last time before he disappeared in the mass of people.

We sat around, joking about the past and making all sorts of promises to keep in touch before Mercedes asked to pull me away for a second.

"It's going to be so weird around here this year. I can't imagine a year without you, Rachel and Santana fighting over the lead."

"It'll be your boyfriend and Tina in a few weeks. You all have your work cut out for you." She smiled at me, and laughed as I rubbed my eyes, the battle for lead never occurring to me until now.

"Poor Tina." Mercedes chuckled and hit me in the arm, any more didn't need to be spoken. So, scared of the big bad west coast? Ready to start impressing some people?"

"Not scared. Nervous, maybe. I'm just singing back up so I'm going to have to work on some music on my free time, as well as some classes. Puck is gonna help me write though."

"You and Puck, eh?" She giggled and that spoke volumes. "Never thought I'd see that one."

"We've been out a few times planning the move and finding a place. We aren't anything, really. I do like him though,and it will be nice to have him out there. We will see."

"Well, you need advice, you probably shouldn't come to me. I'm a mess."

"Stop that Sam!" She rolled her eyes at me and i couldn't help but let a small laugh escape my lips.

"Seriously, if you need anything, don't hesitate. Keep me updated on your life." We were standing by a window that looked off towards the end of the runway and it was fitting, in a weird way, to have this talk here. The end of this Ohio journey for Mercedes looking out on the runway that takes her away.

"Will you sing with me one last time?" There were people all around us, but I wouldn't deny her request, and I knew the perfect song for us.

_**(Sam)**_  
_You walked with me, footprints in the sand_  
_And helped me understand where I'm going_  
_You walked with me when I was all alone_  
_With so much I know along the way_  
_Then I heard you say_

_I promise you, I'm always there_  
_When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair_  
_I'll carry you when you need a friend_  
_You'll find my footprints in the sand_

I motioned for her to take over, and she smiled and accepted as people started to listen in to our song.

_**(Mercedes)  
**I see my life flash across the sky_  
_So many times have I been so afraid_  
_And just when I have thought I lost my way_  
_You give me strength to carry on_  
_That's when I heard you say_

_I promise you, I'm always there_  
_When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair_  
_And I'll carry you when you need a friend_  
_You'll find my footprints in the sand_

_**(Sam)**_  
_When I'm weary, well, I know you'll be there_  
_And I can feel you when you say_

_**(Mercedes)**_  
_I promise you, I'm always there_  
_When your heart is filled with sadness and despair_  
_I'll carry you when you need a friend_  
_You'll find my footprints in the sand_  
_When your heart is full of sadness and despair_  
_I'll carry you when you need a friend_

_**(Sam and Mercedes)**_  
_You'll find my footprints in the sand_

I was going to miss her, a lot. We agreed upon a weekly Skype date while we made our way back to our friends waiting outside security. Blaine and Puck were walking back to the group just as we were and I was oddly appreciative of the bond they quickly formed this past week. I felt bad for Blaine, almost everyone he was able to get close with was leaving. It felt like life was being particularly cruel to him this year, and I was aware that while a part of me was helping, we obviously loved each other and in our time alone we shared moments of pure happiness, another part of me wasn't such a help.

I just wish that realization could help me accept everything I have to do, but the pressure that it lays instead is frightening and paralyzing. As we say goodbye, I see Mercedes reach over and grab Puck's hand. It's such a small gesture, but its importance in a relationship is so much more obvious when you are afraid to do it for yourself. I smile weakly at Blaine, and he returns it, that now familiar glint of sadness ever apparent and tearing at my heart.

People, friends, are moving on with their lives, and I must find a way to do the same. I must find a way to be all Blaine needs me to be, and I need to do it fast.

**Alright so I wrote like an intro small blurb with my Seb/Puck idea and decided I was going to put that idea on hold for a little while since I don't have time to keep up with 2 stories on here. If there is any interest I can post it, so let me know! As always, please review and let me know what you like and don't like, ideas and any other comments about this story! I am struggling a bit with this section so input would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!**


	16. Bring It On Home

**Stop Crying Your Heart Out: Chapter 16**

**Bring It On Home - Little Big Town**

**(Sam)**

It was weird being back in the halls of McKinley. Life was so different the last time I was here. Not seeing the majority of my friends was weird, and recruitment for New Directions wasn't going as planned. I found myself wishing there was some way we could have gotten Rory to stay, and that Puck never graduated. Those were selfish thoughts though, and I chastised myself as quickly as they came. Unique and Marley were great additions to the team, but we weren't complete yet.

This didn't seem to phase most of the others though. Blaine, Tina, Brittany and Unique were all battling for our lead spot, which was not going to end well for three of them. Blaine was the obvious choice, and it would break Tina's spirit. Regardless, Blaine was he best choice for our team, and everyone had to be aware of that.

I should have been in that auditorium helping Blaine prepare. I should have, but every time I am around him now he loses focus and becomes a mess before my eyes. He thinks I don't see it. He does a fantastic job of hiding it form everyone else, but I know he isn't all there. So instead, I find myself sitting alone in the Lima Bean going over the past rough few weeks. He's promised that there is nothing wrong between us, and I believe him, but that doesn't mean that there soon will be. To be honest, Blaine is taking away my choices, and it's is starting to aggravate me. I am not an unreasonable person. I know something is seriously hurting Blaine right now, but the position he is putting me in is making this a ridiculous game that I cannot play.

We were fine for a while. Everything seemed to be ok, but the close and closer we got to school he started distancing himself from me. He claimed it was to keep us from our instincts so that we could return to the halls of McKinley and appear to all as best friends, and nothing more. It made sense, but I was starting to be more and more ok with myself and us every day.

I don't know exactly when it happened, but one day even telling the glee club seemed out of the question for Blaine. So many things he promised me. He would never leave, and he would always be here. Those promises were now being masked my a fear or pain of his own, and my choices were being affected by that. My choice. That's what this is. I don't have to announce my relationship, but I can tell the glee kids about myself. I am bisexual. It isn't something that hurts me like it first did. Ok, I'll cut the crap. I am a little freaked out, but now that I am here and we are trying to build a supportive and trusting group for New Directions, I am very certain and much more comfortable of the idea of throwing it all out there.

There is though one obstacle that I should overcome first though, and that is Kurt. Kurt has done some shady things. I won't make excuses for him and I won't deny they happened, but he will not judge me. I know him. Blaine knows him. Why is he so afraid about Kurt finding out? Mercedes thinks he will be ok with it. So what is the huge deal? He is over Kurt. Blaine wouldn't lie about that. I can't figure out what is tormenting him so much, and what hurt's most of all is that he cannot trust me, and I cannot help. Those things are a huge part of a relationship, and I'm starting to wonder if he even wants that anymore.

The only thing I can come up with is that he thinks he is protecting me. That gives me a little comfort, but it also hurts. If Blaine can't support me, maybe these are all the wrong choices. Maybe I need to step away from Blaine for a while. A tear falls down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away. I rub my eyes and sigh as I hear someone clear their throat in front of me.

"Sam, right?" There stands Sebastian Smythe, in his Dalton blazer and confident smile. There is something different about him though, and I notice it immediately. The malice and scheming intent that always danced behind his eyes was gone. There seemed to be replaced with genuine interest and I immediately had an idea. Sebastian was a smart guy, and his friendship with Blaine, while strained, may be a helpful insight.

"Sebastian? Hey. I don't think we've ever actually talked before." I brush the tear from my face in what I hope is a swift and casual motion before extending my hand to Sebastian as he sat down across from me.

"Well, I'm not sure that's a bad thing. I'd hate to have to reintroduce myself to everyone I meet." He smirked and took a drink and I actually found myself interested in that statement.

"Just because you screwed with us and pretty much tried to ruin any fun we had last year doesn't...Ok, maybe you will have to." I laughed and surprisingly he laughed with me.

"I've been trying. Looks like there is always someone to take your place though."

"What do you mean? Another Warbler is planning on causing trouble?"

"Planning is way over with. I'm thinking about leaving. No one really wants to be friends with 'that guy' and with a new lead Warbler I don't really have a place there."

"Well, you can't blame them. Although none of them are innocent. All the Warblers really put a massive dent in their relationship with Blaine." Sebastian perked up at his name and I couldn't help but chuckle. "He's taken, you know. You really liked him, it wasn't an act?" I thought I saw a hint of a blush, but it was gone as quickly as it came.

"Gayface, yeah I know." He ignored the real question, but his eyes was all the answer I needed. I felt myself feeling a little bit bad for him all of a sudden.

"Actually, no. Someone else." It was my turn to blush, except I couldn't hide it. Luckily, Sebastian didn't seem to notice.

"What?! They broke up? When?"

"Last year, Kurt cheated on him with some guy. He was a mess for months. Almost went back to Dalton actually."

"He found someone already?" I don't know why I was talking to Sebastian about this, but I already decided that I was going to and there was no turning back. "Who managed to land that catch? McKinley isn't exactly a gay paradise."

"Well, he isn't exactly out."

"Blaine's dating a closet gay?! He never gets the easy relationships, does he?" I know Sebastian couldn't have known it was me, and I should be upset by his statement, but he is only saying what I've been thinking for the past few months. If I am the problem for Blaine then maybe I need to shuffle off, at least for a little bit. The least he could do though is tell me.

"Blaine's not exactly being boyfriend of the year himself." A bit of my aggravation leaked out before I knew it, and the curious look on Sebastian's face had me scolding myself quietly.

"Who is it?" I sighed. Sebastian could really help here, and I've gotten this far, I might as well let it all out.

"If I tell you, you cannot say anything. You want to show you are trying to be better, start here. Let me trust you." He seemed to ponder over this for a few moments before he nodded and I took a deep breath.

"Sam, wait. Before you say anything let me just say that no matter how nice I am trying to be, I will not be to Kurt. My biggest regret was that slushee hitting Blaine instead of him." Old Sebastian reared its head, and it was hilarious, and actually a bit comforting. I keep trying to convince myself that Kurt won't be a problem, but I can't get over it fully.

"OK, I get it. Kurt rubs a lot of people the wrong way."

"Blaine apparently." I lost it. I haven't laughed this hard in weeks. Sebastian was chuckling in front of me and it made it that much harder to calm down.

"Blaine won't let us talk about Kurt like that, you know? You might have to keep that to yourself if you ever want to be friends with him again."

"I can manage that I think. Acting is my best skill."

"So, about Blaine's boyfriend."

"It's you, isn't it?" I froze. Just for a second before I realized that it didn't bother me.

"That obvious?"

"You light up when you talk about him, and worrying about what we say about his ex? Well, I'm not stupid. Does Kurt know about you two dating?"

"No! No, of course not. He made Blaine's life hell just for breaking up with him, what do you think he'd do to me? You aren't gonna try and take me out now, are you?" He laughed and sipped his coffee before smirking back at me. It was a genuine concern that hadn't crossed my mind till just now.

"No. Blaine and I don't stand any chance. I accepted that a long time ago. But he was the only ever person I called a friend, and I wouldn't mind that again." There was something about him, something lonely and vulnerable that radiated off of him.

"You actually mean that."

"Enough about me, ok. I'm having a hard time not going defensive and evil again here. I didn't even know you were gay."

"I'm not. Bi, I guess, but I've never thought of any guy like that other than Blaine. Not even you do it for me, sorry man." Sebastian was a good looking guy. I was never really afraid to admit that before, but I never took notice either, which I have been doing quite regularly lately.

"It's quite alright. But you said Blaine wasn't, what? 'Boyfriend of the year?' What's he doing?" Sebastian leaned back in the chair and put on his best attentive face. I took a moment to look at him, try to read his features and see if I was playing into some game, but I saw no signs of deceit, no signs of ill intent.

"He doesn't want me to come out. Not yet at least. There has to be a reason, Blaine has never been afraid of anyone before. I don't know what he is doing." I sighed and threw my head back in frustration. Voicing this out loud was making it harder to understand.

"Maybe he is protecting you? Kurt and Karofsky, McKinley hasn't exactly been good for gays in the past."

"No. I mean, maybe, but I just feel like there is more to it. He won't even let me tell glee club. You know they would accept me. Hell, he knows they would. There is something else going on, and I can't for the life of me figure it out. He won't talk to me and nothing about the last few weeks helps me make any sense of this." Sebastian sat quiet for a moment before he spoke, but I wasn't listening anymore.

Everything that has happened, from the day I wanted to tell Rachel to now, I have cataloged in my head, analyzing each bit of information for the hundredth time this week. I got nothing. The one genuine time of concern was before we left for Puck's and Blaine had a few moments of a meltdown, a bit where I didn't recognize him with the fear and anxiety plastered across his features. I can't put that reaction to any tangible idea and I am just back where I started. I'm drug back to reality by snapping fingers in my face.

"Hello? Sam? Are you listening?"

"What? Oh, sorry Seb. I am just trying to figure this out."

"Seb?"

"Not a nickname person? OK, sorry Sebastian."

"It's ok. I kind of like it actually. Never had anyone close enough to give me a nickname."

"Seb it is then, although I wouldn't say we are close, not yet at least." I shot him a smile, mainly to show that I was enjoying talking to him. It was hard to believe most of the things said about him last year applied to the guy sitting across from me.

"Well, back to reality, if you were listening you would have heard me tell you that I think you should talk to Cooper. Blaine was really torn up when he came back to town, he talked to me about it while the rest of his friends were ogling him, Kurt included."

"Cooper? I don't know if that's a good idea. I don't know the guy, and aren't him and Blaine not even on great terms?"

"Exactly my point, they weren't friendly before he showed up late last year, and even though they are better now, that relationship is damaged. Maybe whatever is bothering Blaine is from his past, and Cooper can help fill in the pieces?"

"That's a good idea actually. Blaine said he was home for a few weeks before going back to LA. Maybe I should stop by?"

"Sounds like a plan, or at least a start. Look, just. Here's my number. If you need anything or just want to hang out, give me a call. I am really sorry for everything that happened last year, just so you know." I stood up to leave, motivated to find Cooper as fast as possible and try to figure all of this out.

"It's ok man. I trust you. I'll let you know how this all goes, ok? I will see you soon Seb." I patted him on the shoulder as I walked past and pulled out my phone to save his number. It was well after four now but Blaine was definitely still practicing which meant I still had a brief window to go and talk to Cooper tonight. The contest for the "New Rachel" was tomorrow afternoon, and that would be my perfect chance to talk to Blaine, after he won the title of our lead vocalist. I was so engrossed in my plan that I almost didn't see the figure standing in front of me and had to stop abruptly from running into him. "Puck? What are you doing here?"

"Sam, hey! That kid who tried out for glee and threw a fit? Well, turns out my dad had another kid."

"Damn, Puck. Are you ok? That's insane."

"I'm good actually. I'm going to try and be there for him, show him what our crap of a dad should have been for him. Were you talking with Sebastian?"

"Yeah, actually. He noticed me and came over a few minutes. He seems like he's really making an effort to change. I am impressed."

"Interesting. Well I have to catch a plane back in a few hours, I just am taking my mom some coffee before I have to head out. I'll talk to you soon man!"

"Defintely! Say hi to Mercedes for me, tell her I miss her. Let your brother know he has friends in glee if he wants them too."

As I drove to Blaine's, thinking about what I would say to Cooper and more importantly what he would tell me, my phone rang. It was Blaine and as much stress as was swirling around him and I lately, I was always happy to hear his voice. "Hi Sammy."

"How is your practice babe? Sorry I'm not there."

"It's ok. Just wanted to call you before my phones goes, it's about to die. I'm gonna practice for a little bit more and then go punch the bag for a few rounds before I head home. I'll call you tonight?"

"Sounds good Blaine. Can't wait to talk to you. Love you."

"Love you too Sammy."

When I finally made it to the Anderson house I realized that it had been a few weeks since the last time I was here. I was nervous all of a sudden, not sure what exactly was going to happen with this conversation. When Cooper answered the door I smiled and introduced myself again, happy to see he remembered who I was.

"Hey Sam, long time no see! I was wondering why I hadn't seen any of Blaine's friends while I've been home. Blaine actually isn't back yet though."

"I know. I just got off the phone with him. I'm here to talk to you, actually." It wasn't long before we were sitting in the living room, Cooper with a beer and I with water, talking about Blaine. I finally mustered up enough courage to get away from small talk and get to the reason I was there. "Cooper, how much do you know about Blaine's life right now?"

"What? I mean, I know he and Kurt broke up, but I don't know why. He doesn't exactly talk to me about his boyfriends much."

"Why is that? I thought you guys were closer now?"

"Well we are, but it's a long process. I have a lot to make up for." He downed the last of his beer and beckoned me to follow him into the kitchen as he grabbed another.

"What do you mean? All Blaine ever really said about you two was that you always pushed him too hard."

"Wow. He hasn't told anyone?" That last bit was barely above a whisper, and i almost didn't catch it.

"Tell us what?"

"Blaine never really had a family. I was a senior in high school when he was outed, I had a reputation to maintain. Our parents were well known in the community as well and they didn't want a gay son. We never supported him."

"What?" It was sinking in a little bit, but I needed to hear it all.

"Before Blaine was attacked, I gave him a hard time, sure, but he was my brother and I would have stood up for him. When he needed that most, though, I was more concerned about how I was perceived. I was young, stupid, and honestly a little freaked out by it all. So I was his biggest bully. His whole life turned on him. His friends attacked and humiliated him, his family abandoned him, and then the first serious relationship he ever had he was cheated on. How the kid is still standing I'll never know, but I will be there for him from now on, even if it takes decades for him to trust me."

And there it was, clear as day. Every detail of Blaine's past that he kept hidden. I instantly felt guilty about going behind his back, but I needed to know, and hopefully he can forgive me for doing it. Blaine isn't afraid of what any of this will do to him, he is trying to protect me.

All of those closest to him turned on him. Every single one. He is a strong guy for putting up with all of that and making it to where he is now, but Cooper is right. If all of that happened to me I probably wouldn't be standing here today. Blaine pulling away is finally starting to make sense, and I have to find a way to show Blaine that everything will be ok, that I understand and am thankful for what he was trying to do, but that with his help I am strong enough to make it through all of this, even if a few people turn on me. There is one huge difference between the Blaine of old and the me of now. I already have support, way more then Blaine ever did. That is enough to get me through.

"Thank you Cooper, and for what it's worth, Blaine will come around if you keep trying. If he has forgiven Kurt already, I know you wont be too far behind."

After a little while longer I headed home and worked on what I was going to do in glee club tomorrow. I called Tina and let her know what I was planning to do, and she agreed to play piano and harmonize with me on the song for tomorrow. As I laid in bed trying to think of the perfect things to say to Blaine before I sang, I drifted to sleep, his vulnerable and confused face appearing in my dreams, fueling my need to do this for him, but also for myself.

The next day was agonizingly slow, but every time I passed Blaine I gave him the biggest smile, and by the time glee club rolled around I was more prepared then ever to do what had to be done. I warned Mr. Shue ahead of time that before we let out for the day I had one last thing I wanted to do. After welcoming Jake to the group and going through the announcement of Blaine as the new lead vocalist, Tina and I stood up and walked to the piano.

Before we go, I have something I need to say, and Tina is here to support me. I know some of you just met me, and this might not be surprising for you, but some of you I have known for a few years, and this will probably be as weird for you as it first was for me, so please just hear me out." I sighed and closed my eyes real quick, trying to shake the doubt out of my head as Tina placed her hand on my shoulder as gentle encouragement. With one last, deep breath I turned to Blaine for the first time and smiled, the fear on his face apparent.

"Blaine, I know this is hard for you. It's been hell for me watching you struggle these past few weeks, knowing I could do nothing about it. Don't hate me, but I talked to Cooper yesterday. I appreciate everything you have done for me, and I always will. There's a reason that with everything you have been through that people have stuck by you. Everyone in this room and everyone that has graduated know what its like to be friends with Blaine Anderson, but only two of us know what it's like to be loved by him.

"You have been through so much, and you've done it while acting so strong. I almost lost sight of that, until your brother set me straight. I owe it to myself and to you to be honest, and tell our friends, all of them, that I love you. I don't care if anyone here thinks less of me for it, and I don't care if anyone in this school wants to harass me for it. As long as you are with me I can overcome anything.

"I always thought that I wouldn't be supported when I came out. It was one of my biggest fears, actually. I realized, though, that I always had support. As long as I had you, it wouldn't have mattered to me how Mike and Tina and Mercedes and Finn reacted. I have support, Blaine. I know it's scary to think of all the things that could go wrong with this, but so much is right already. I just wish I saw it sooner.

"You are incredible, Blaine. And I wish through all of this that you see the strength you infuse into me, even if these last few weeks have been really hard on our relationship. I understand why you did all you did, and I don't forgive you for it. There is nothing to forgive you for. You always had my best interest in your heart and that makes me love you even more."

For the first time since I started my speech did I break. Tears were in my eyes and the gasps at the deceleration of love for Blaine had managed to bring me out of my zone. I took a moment to gaze at him. His eyes filled to the brim with tears, a worrying sight were it not complimented by the enormous smile on his face. I wiped my eyes before I continued, Tina squeezing my shoulder one more time before taking a seat at the piano.

"I want you to know, that you never have to retreat into yourself with me. Everything about me is yours to learn, and I hope to do the same with you, the good and the bad. The best way I can convince you of this is how we all do best, and that's with a song, so please listen. I hope you understand, and I hope you'll forgive me for making such a big scene here in front of everyone. I know you didn't want this, but I couldn't keep this to myself any longer. Please, listen and know I mean every single word."

_**(Sam)**  
You got someone here wants to make it alright_  
_Someone who loves you more than life, right here._  
_You got willing arms that'll hold you tight_  
_A hand to lead you on through the night, right here._  
_I know your heart can get all tangled up inside_  
_But don't you keep it to yourself._

_**(Sam and Tina)**  
When your long day is over_  
_And you can barely drag your feet_  
_The weight of the world is on your shoulders_  
_**(Sam)**  
I know what you need,  
Bring it on home to me._

_You know I know you like the back of my hand_  
_But did you know I'm gonna do all that I can right here?_  
_I'm gonna lie with you till you fall asleep_  
_When the morning comes I'm still gonna be right here._  
_Take your worries and just drop them at the door_  
_Baby leave it all behind._

_**(Sam and Tina)**  
When your long day is over_  
_And you can barely drag your feet_  
_The weight of the world is on your shoulders_  
_**(Sam)**  
I know what you need,  
Bring it on home to me._

_Baby let me be you safe harbor._  
_Don't let the water come and carry you away._

_**(Sam and Tina)**  
When your long day is over_  
_And you can barely drag your feet_  
_The weight of the world is on your shoulders_  
_**(Sam)**  
I know what you need,  
Bring it on home to me._

_You got someone here wants to make it alright_  
_Someone that loves you more than life right here..._

**(Blaine)  
**I couldn't have held the tears back if I tried. Every concern and fear that I have been holding in for weeks burst through the walls in my heart as soon as Sam started to talk. Tina nodded reassuringly at me as she encouraged same through touch, and she wasn't the only one. Our friends, my friends, were smiling at Sam and I and no negativity was in this room at this moment. As Sam and Tina finished singing I stood up and ran to Sam, enveloping him in a hug and pulling him in for a kiss, the first time in public, ever.

Cheers and cat calls interrupted our moment, and I laughed through the tears as I buried my face in Sam's shoulder. I don't know how long we stood there holding each other, but before we knew it all of our friends were surrounding us in a massive hug of support. I had no time to speak to Sam as each person individually came up to us to tell us how happy they were and how proud of Sam they were.

No one was more proud then I right now. Sam was an amazing man, and had let him be that man we could have had all this time together instead of the awkward and confusing times we had been sharing until now. When everyone finally left, leaving Sam and I in the choir room alone, I couldn't find words. I just pulled him in and held him there, so glad to be holding him close.

Before long Sam took my hand and led me out of the room towards the parking lot, ignoring the few people left who seemed to be ignoring us as well. We got to our cars and I turned to face Sam only to be caught in another kiss. I melt in his touch and only then do I find the strenght to finally tell Sam exactly that I need to say.

"Sammy, I love you so much, and I am so sorry for everything I've put you through. I still have a lot to learn, and I am so happy you get to teach me some of it. I promise that I will do everything in my power to show you how much I love and trust you. I am so proud of you." I leaned in to kiss him again, every bad thought that had been in my head for the past few weeks were distance memories, and the last thing I thought of was how lucky I was to have this boy in my arms.

**Please, readers, review! Tell me what you think, what is working and what isn't! I'm trying hard to stay motivated and find an acceptable stopping point for this story, but I am not quite there yet. I know I've said in the past that I dislike quick-change Sebastian, but I decided to go with the change in personality already introduced on the show this season. I hope it fits. Reviews please! They are very much appreciated!**


	17. All I Want To Do

**Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long. I've noticed that it's not just me who disappeared from here lately. There has been a lot of movement on this story lately for some reason, reviews and follows and PM's so I felt I owed it to you guys to start up again. Thanks for the support! I almost just posted an update status but I thought that would be a let down so I came back with a short chapter to try and get me back in the groove. I have some ideas, but I've been struggling to expand them, so that explains my absence as vaguely as possible. Anyway, this is the first time I repeat an artist for my song. Frankly, I'm surprised it took this long. Those of you familiar with the song might notice and appreciate my subtle changes... I thought I was clever. Haha! I hope you enjoy! Please review, it would be a huge help.**

**Stop Crying Your Heart Out: Chapter 17**

**All I Want To Do - Sugarland**

**(Blaine)**

It's amazing how every fear and insecurity can disappear faster than you realize. It has been a few weeks since Sam came out to our friends in glee club. Everyone was being really supportive of him and it was finally dawning on me that when you have people in your corner, some things just aren't that scary.

Ok, I realize that controlling fear isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. I have things to work on, and things I need to talk to Sam about just as he does as well, I'm sure, but as of right now nothing else matters. As I pulled up to my house to see Sam already sitting there on the steps waiting for me, I couldn't help but feel all the love coming from his smile. Sometimes I have to stop and think about how exactly I got here. It's been almost half a year since Kurt and I broke up and Sam came into my life, and yet I can't imagine him not being there. I stepped out of the car and was met with a kiss almost immediately.

"Hey Sammy." I kissed him on the forehead and moved to the back seat to collect all the bags from the store.

"Took you long enough! What were you doing? I've been waiting!"

"Not my fault you showed up an hour early!"

"I couldn't wait to see you, so sue me." Sam moved to help me, ever then gentleman, but I pushed him away, very aware of his actual motives.

"Uh uh, no way. Step back Loki." I had taken to this new nickname for Sam whenever he tries to figure out my surprises. He gasped at me with a look of fake hurt on his face. I laughed and shoved him away as I picked up the rest of the stuff from the car. "You can get the door."

We haven't seen each other since school let out on Friday and it was late Sunday afternoon. Not really a long time, but it felt like forever for us now. I had a simple dinner and a movie planned, Avatar of course, but I had found a menu inspired by the film that I planned to surprise him with and I was really looking forward to it.

Our first moment of alone time in a few weeks was going to be special. My family is away on business and as soon as Sam got permission to spend the night I went into planning our time together. He's told me plenty of times to stop all of this doting on him, he calls it, but I still feel like I had time to make up for, and surprises always made Sam really happy in the end.

"You know you make me look bad every time you do something like this. I am going to have to step up my game." Sam groaned, the smirk letting on how he really felt though.

"You love it and you know it. Now go watch something. Everything for dinner is almost done, this is for the desert." I walked into the kitchen and started to make a blueberry pie to go with the other blue inspired dishes.

After a little while the pie was in the oven and I was beginning to set the table with my blueberry glazed chicken and blue cheese mashed potatoes when Sam came stumbling into the kitchen with his eyes closed, sniffing around him.

"Please tell me we can eat now. This smells amazing, and I stubbed my toe keeping my eyes closed." He pouted and I couldn't help but chuckle as I walked up to him and took his hand, guiding him to his seat.

"Ok, you can open them now." I had set the table with a black cloth with silver place mats and blue napkins, all things my mother had for different hosting occasions. In the center of the table I had blue candles in these really cool tree inspired candle holders and between them a bust of one of the Na'Vi.

"Blaine, what... This is incredible." I knew I was beaming. The smile plastered on my face stretched ear to ear. "This is way too much, those statues cost so much money!"

"Don't worry about it, it wasn't that much. How is the food?" His glare didn't last long as he took one bight of the chicken and moaned out in delight.

"This is fantastic. How did you think of all this?" The rest of the meal we talked about how everything was made and put together, and he was really starting to make me blush with all the praise. After we finally finished our dinner, we went outside to enjoy the nice fall weather as we waited for the pie to finish.

"Blaine, what do you want out of life?"

"Huh?" Sam was gripping my hand tight and just staring off into the sky.

"You know, a job, kids, a house. I don't know what I want to do after this year. Applications for college are all due in like, a month. After all of that though, I know I want kids, a dog. I want to be able to provide for my family so I can never miss out on nights like this."

"You know what I want. I want to be on Broadway, graduate from NYADA, and yeah, maybe have some kids one day. Be close with my brother again. Maybe some other things, I don't know. I always pictured myself in New York City though."

"I can't wait to see you on Broadway." Sam smiled, but there was a sadness there that he didn't want me to see.

"We'll find the college for you. There are a ton to look at all over the country." I wanted to ask what was wrong, but it didn't seem like the right time. We both have been walking this fine line, wanting things to be good for a while, and everything has been good, but I want to help him too. I let it slide tonight, but I'm going to have to talk to him about this soon. We can't always pretend everything is perfect, even though we are both enjoying it very much.

The oven alarm started blaring through the open kitchen window and Sam started to sniff the air, trying to catch the scent. I laughed at him and kissed him gently before standing up, pulling him up with me. The pie with vanilla ice cream was delicious and made for a perfect desert as we watched Avatar for what seemed like the one thousandth time. I really did enjoy this movie, and it always made Sam happy so I never had a problem with it, although I fell asleep during it more than naught.

I don't know when exactly I fell asleep this time, but before I knew it I was in Sam's arms being carried upstairs. I groaned and he kissed me on the top of the head as he continued up.

"When did I fall asleep?" He placed me down on the bed and started taking my clothes off, starting with my shoes.

"I don't really know." He trailed off, a slight smirk on his lips. "I was to busy watching you try and stay awake. It was cute. Hey, ow!" We both broke out into slight laughter as I jabbed him lightly in the side with my toes. Before I knew it he was pouncing on top of me, holding my arms above my head and hovering just slightly above me.

"Lay down Sammy." I tried to flip him over but he held strong, my tiredness and his position keeping him in control.

"Not tonight babe. You took care of me, now it's my tun to take care of you." Before I could respond his lips were on mine, tender and loving as he slid his hand up under my shirt and brought it up over my head, breaking the kiss for just a moment.

He broke free and kissed a trail down my body, stopping for a few seconds to latch onto my neck as his hand reached down and grasped my quickly growing length in his hand. I moaned out as he started moving lower, kissing a trail down my torso before hovering a few seconds over me. As he takes me into his mouth, his hand inches up and starts massaging my chest.

I had no control. I had no idea what to do, and every time I tried to think of a something the pleasure erased my mind again, so I laid back, placed one hand behind my head and with the other I reached out to grab his. For a brief second he pulled off of me, pulled our hands to him and kissed them before taking my dick back into his mouth.

There was a tenderness and sweetness about Sam that I only ever heard possible in films and books. It made the smile of pleasure on my face even bigger as he was bringing me closer and closer. He eventually let go of my hand and it found its way to my balls. He began gently tugging and massaging them as he swirled his tongue around, up, and down my dick.

I was moaning and louder then ever as he brought me close. I tried to warn him, some form of his name escaping my lips, but he either didn't hear me or I made no sense for him to understand, and as I burst into his mouth he continued sucking as I rode out one of the best orgasms of my life. My eyes were closed and I was in ecstasy as he pulled of me and made his way up to me, kissing me gently as he grabbed one of my hands and laid his head down on my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair and gently kissed him on the top of his head.

"You are amazing Sammy." As I pulled our hands to my mouth to kiss them just as he did earlier, my other hand rested gently on his head and his grip remained firm around mine as my eyelids grew heavy and my breathing started to normal out.

**(Sam)**

"I love you babe." He never heard it. I chuckled quietly as I realized he fell asleep, still so tired from all the days activities. I as gently as I could reached for my phone to set an alarm for the morning and set it on the bed beside us. His arm somehow found a comfortable position around me, holding me tight and as I laid my head back down onto his chest and drifted off to sleep, I thought about how lucky I was to be here.

**(Blaine)**

The alarm was torture. A torture so quickly forgotten as I felt the man in my arms begin to come to.

"Good morning Blaine." He groaned against my neck as he moved to sit up. I rubbed my eyes quickly and grabbed his hand at the last moment as he tried to get out of bed. I pulled him back to me and kissed him gently. I could definitely wake up like this every morning.

"I don't want to get up."

"Me either, but we are already late." He tried to get up again but I held strong. He glared at me as he tried to pull me up with him. "Since when are you against getting up for school, and glee club Mr. Lead Soloist?"

"I never had to wake up in your arms before school before. Let's just stay here." I kissed him again and he started to laugh against my lips as he pulled away.

"I really can't say no to that."

_**(Blaine)**_

_I don't want to get up baby, let's turn off the phone_  
_ I don't want to go to school today or even put my hair gel on_  
_ I've got better things to do than my to do list anyway_  
_ Hide under the covers and waste away the day_  
_ Let's just lay here and be lazy, baby drive me crazy_

_All I want to do-oo-oo-oo-oo_  
_ Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ooo_  
_ All I want to do-oo-oo-oo-oo _  
_Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo is love you._

_I got my whole life to change the world and climb the ladders_  
_ Looking at you looking at me is the only thing that matters_  
_ Come a little closer baby, we can talk without the words_  
_ Hang a sign on the door, please do not disturb  
Let's just lay here and be lazy, baby drive me crazy_

_All I want to do-oo-oo-oo-oo_  
_Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ooo_  
_All I want to do-oo-oo-oo-oo _  
_Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo is love you._

_Give me a kiss, from those trouty lips,_  
_You don't want to miss this,_

_All I want to do-oo-oo-oo-oo_  
_Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ooo_  
_All I want to do-oo-oo-oo-oo _  
_Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo is love you._

_All I really want to do is,_  
_All I really want to do is,_  
_All I really want to do is love you and love you and love you _  
_Come a little closer baby, we can talk without the words _  
_Hang a sign on the door, _  
_Please do not, please do not, please do not, please do not disturb _  
_When I lay down in the evening all I really want to do is,_  
_When I wake up, when I wake up in the morning baby, all I really want to do..._

We spent most of the day in bed, talking about our lives, our pasts and of course having massive debates on super heroes and other such things that were sure to take up so much of our free time in the future. We both received texts from the glee club all day long, first starting off worried, and then moving to winky faces and other such innuendo as they all noticed we were both gone.

We laughed it off and began to ignore them. Everything was perfect. We had a day where we were the only ones in the world, and it was fantastic. Tomorrow would bring on heckling and tormenting from our friends, all in good fun of course, but it would all be worth it after having this day to ourselves.


End file.
